7th November 2021 at 9:10 am #133608
A few years ago my husband was diagnosed with T1 diabetes. The anger and rage got much worse then. Looking back he was emotionally abusive prior to this but I know things have got much worse. The diabetes website does mention diabetic rage. Half the reason I have put up with it so long is because he has a medical condition that must make it worse. But I can no longer put up with it.
I was wondering do any of the other angry raging abusers have diabetes?
8th November 2021 at 7:50 pm #133712LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for sharing with us. I hope it has helped to post about what you are going through because of your husband. You are doing the right thing by reaching out for support. You deserve to be happy and live free of abuse and fear.
Keep posting to us when you can, there is support here for you.
8th November 2021 at 8:16 pm #133717
I haven’t but I remember a thread about it by someone else. I don’t know how similar the details are but you might find it helpful. Ultimately, abuse is never ok and it is always the abuser’s problem. If somebody is incapable of being reasonable, kind and respectful to their partner, they shouldn’t expect their partner to put up with it. If he is literally incapable of avoiding these rages, a reasonable person would take steps to ensure that you’re not subjected to them, even if that means ending the relationship. Imagine if someone had a brain injury that made them have violent outbursts that literally put their partner’s life in danger. Would that person just expect their partner to tolerate it because the brain injury isn’t their fault? No, somebody who truly cared about their partner would take action to protect their partner.
You say he was abusive before he had diabetes, but the diabetes has made it worse. It may be that the diabetes has made it worse (but as I mentioned above that is still no excuse). But it’s also possible that he’s using the diabetes as an excuse to be more abusive. Or maybe he’s taking out his stress on you, even punishing you because he sees you as responsible for his happiness and if he’s not happy (because of the diabetes) he wants you to suffer.
Nobody is morally obliged to put up with abuse because of a medical condition. But remember that an abuser will have spent years brainwashing you into believing you are responsible for his happiness. Abusers force us to choose between keeping them ‘happy’ and looking after our own wellbeing. It is always ok to choose your own wellbeing. It is never ok for somebody to expect your to sacrifice your wellbeing for them. Sending love xxxx
8th November 2021 at 10:12 pm #133726
Thank you both so much.
It isn’t right the way he treats me. I just don’t know what to do. I have always had an excellent gut instinct. My friends say I should have been a detective. My gut tells me he is abusive and I deserve better but my head won’t listen. My head wants me to stick it out a few more months which I have been doing for the past few years.
He turns everything round to me telling me I am the Abusive controlling person. And even though I know I have read that is what they do I still question is it me! 🙁
9th November 2021 at 9:52 am #133748
It takes time for your brain to override your nervous system – your fight/flight/freeze is there to keep you alive so it wouldn’t be very effective if we could easily override it with thinking. Sadly abuse messes with our fight/flight/freeze response and uses it against us. You will leave when you’re ready and whenever that is is 100% ok. Everyone on here has at some point thought they’d never be able to leave. It’s totally normal to feel like that. Posting here is a good step on your journey. xxxx
9th November 2021 at 4:56 am #133738BettertimesaheadParticipant
Does he have these diabetic rages with others??
It is normally just due to low blood sugar levels, it’s not an excuse at all. There are thousands of diabetics who are completely non abusive.
9th November 2021 at 10:17 am #133751nbumblebeeParticipant
Jey sweetie. My husband is also diabetic and yes i have also read that they can necome difficult when their blood sugar is low but id say more stroppy sharp snappy than angry it really is not an excuse they are still in full control of their mouths what they say and how they say it.
Mine often used to say oh its my sugars playing up. He doesnt even bother to use that excjse anymore so no no no way should you put up with abuse. Xxxx
9th November 2021 at 7:46 pm #133786
His rages seem to be worse after he has just eaten his pudding. So I think it’s the quick spike. When he is low he seems to usually be in a silly drunk sort of mood.
I also worry he is driving the children round when his blood sugar is low which causes arguments as it dangerous.
He massively over reacts to things and is very irritable after he has eaten. But he did have outbursts prior to being diagnosed.
I know it has been difficult for him but I have given him a good few years now and he is just the same. He was also in the military so he has seen awful things and been trained to be aggressive. So the mix of it all has turned him into a man who can’t show his anger in a civilised way.
10th November 2021 at 4:45 pm #133838nbumblebeeParticipant
Mine gets stroppier most definatly and can fly off at the drop of a hat then calm down just as quickly but no matter what the ckndition they can still control what cimes outta their mouths and also my (detail removed by moderator) whis diabetic she sometimes snaps but always always says sorry straight after and is genuinly sorry my husband never says sorry he used to blame his sugars when he was first diagnosed but not any more hes been diagnosed alot of years now. To answer your question honestly no i dont think in anyway his rage can be blamed on diabetes no. X*x
9th November 2021 at 10:32 pm #133800iliketeaParticipant
Could he also have untreated ptsd? Could you suggest he sees someone? It’s not an excuse to be abusive though but it sounds as if there is that going on too and that could be quite dangerous if it is a simmering pot that could explode with everything in the mix. Xx
10th November 2021 at 10:20 am #133817
He will not see anyone. He doesn’t believe in mental illness thinks mental illness is a weakness. He would never go. He wouldn’t come to marriage counselling. He will not budge on anything. Yes I think his time in (detail removed by moderator) has affected him as it was not long after that he became angry. He used to send me lovely letters from (detail removed by moderator).
I think he is always a simmering pot. That’s how I feel I cannot relax. Even just sitting on sofa watching TV I feel anxious.
10th November 2021 at 4:40 pm #133836
It could be untreated PTSD… but I would be super careful in trying to work out why he behaves as he does. My ex was supposedly diagnosed with PTSD and he’s probably telling the truth. But despite being confident that I needed to leave, when he told me I had a wobble… maybe things could be ok if he got treatment?…. Thankfully that was only for a moment. I accept that PTSD can cause erratic outbursts etc, but somebody is only abusive and controlling if they think it’s ok. Other issues can make it worse, but they don’t cause it. My guess is that Stuckinturmoil’s husband’s outbursts follow a systematic pattern that is typical of abuse.
I don’t know much about T1 diabetes or how easy it is to control. Does he genuinely try his best to manage his blood sugars? I’m sure it’s not easy having to manage something that most people don’t have to worry about and it must feel really unfair to him, but a non-abusive person wouldn’t be careless about managing symptoms that cause such upset for someone they supposedly love. And even if they really struggled to manage their symptoms, they absolutely wouldn’t expect their partner to take the blame for it. xxxx
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