- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by Lefthand.
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28th February 2021 at 8:58 pm #122501LefthandParticipant
I’ve been away from my abuser for (detail removed by Moderator) now but this time seems different. This isn’t the first time I’ve run away but I know it’s the last. He usually gets in touch with me to pull me back home but he hasn’t this time.
The longer I’m away the clearer my mind gets. I have felt over the last couple of days a whole range of feelings; guilt, loss, shame, loneliness, self hatred… My abuser has made me believe I am worth nothing. And after (detail removed by Moderator) of someone saying that to you it really does sink in.
I called the police this time. And I feel immense guilt that I am now responsible for messing up his future. I don’t want to feel sorry for him, I don’t want to miss him, I don’t want to run back. How do I move past this when I’m so unsure of what tomorrow holds? How does he still have me in this trance when I can’t see or hear him?
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28th February 2021 at 9:51 pm #122506KIP.Participant
Hi, it’s brainwashing and programming using fear Obligation and Guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He chose his behaviour and there are consequences. He’s not your responsibility. Concentrate on your own emotional well-being because he won’t x google trauma bonding x
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1st March 2021 at 11:38 am #122518LefthandParticipant
Hi KIP,
Thank you so much for replying to my post. I have felt so alone in how I’m feeling and the support is a relief. I have googled trauma bonding and it made me feel quite broken. I can’t believe I let someone do this to me, but I’m also frustrated that I feel like protecting him – even at my own expense. I think you’re right that he won’t/isn’t concerned about my wellbeing. He’s already moved on.
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1st March 2021 at 11:58 am #122519KIP.Participant
Do you have support from your local women’s aid? They were fantastic. They gave me a book called Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Please read it. These men never actually bond with us so they do move on quickly but they’re always wanted to retain that control over us. Anything he does now is for his own self interest. So please protect yourself in every way you can and do not underestimate him. My ex was arrested and made counter allegations. They are despicable people. It was then I began to realise he will never ever accept any accountability x cognitive dissonance is another light bulb for me. These men push us off a cliff and then rush down to rescue us. Mind blowing crazy making behaviour. Absolutely zero contact is the way forward. You won’t always feel this way. As the FOG fear Obligation and Guilt clears you will see just what a nasty self centred person he is. Google the cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel. Knowledge Is Power. KIP X
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1st March 2021 at 2:25 pm #122530LefthandParticipant
I haven’t looked into my local womens aid but I have got plenty of support with counselling. Thank you for recommending the book, I’m just about to buy it online.
That is absolutely despicable behaviour and its even more sad that we all recognise it. Today I finally felt anger. Haven’t been able to cry for days and now I feel something.
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1st March 2021 at 2:27 pm #122532LefthandParticipant
Hi beachhut,
I’m so sorry you have been in the same situation 🙁 It’s been difficult to read other women’s posts because it resonates so deep with me. I can feel myself slowly shutting out my emotions, I’m currently pretending that everything is fine just to get through my day/week. It’s a relief if I’m honest, but I know I’m going to get that call from the police soon and relive it all again. How did you cope with the police involvement?
P.S. Thank you for your kind words. xx
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