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    • #16425

      (Removed by moderator) the family support worker from my daughter’s school rang me to say she’s worried about my daughter not coping at school. The 3 of us, me, daughter, FS worker and tutor, meet a couple of weeks ago as she’d had a terrible day, couldn’t find her usual support and had sat in various empty classrooms all day and then had the next 3 days off school as I just couldn’t make her go in. They put some things in place, somewhere quiet for her to go, emailed teachers, give her a an art therapy session once a week. Since then she has been in school every day though not in every lesson. Apparently today my daughter missed the first lesson but was in all the others. When this woman rang today I felt like I had to calm her down, she’s’ so worried that… is not coping, his will she cope next year?’. She even suggested that antidepressants might need worth trying and to go back to my gp with her. I said I think she’s too young for antidepressants but I would consider going back to gp with her. We spoke a bit more and I have arranged to meet her with my daughter and tutor again next week. Last time we spoke she kept saying something like ‘ I’m not letting you be home schooled’ to my daughter, when no one’s even mentioned it. I certainly don’t want to do that. I think I’m going to ring and speak to her on my own or arrange to meet her on my own first and try to get a bit more sense from this. This woman is quite dominating and talks a lot and very quickly. I feel like sending her to another school if that were an option.

      I know that some, of not all of my daughter’s problems with anxiety, come from having lived in an abusive atmosphere for so long and from things being so hard for me, managing on very little money and feeling exhausted and working through my healing and survival. But this is not something I can really express to school. My son went to a different school. My daughter choose this one because it supposedly specialises in what were here favourite subjects and she was crew to do this as there was no abuser around to sneakily manipulate by saying’his much will petrol cost to get her there?’, etc , which he did with our son. But it’s a big school and I think she just feels lost. I really don’t know what to do. My opinion is that secondary school is horrible anyway, you just have to make the best of it! I know that’s cynical and probably not helpful. My daughter lives learning, and also probably puts took much pressure on herself. I am fairly academic and know she could do well, but don’t think it’s the end of the world if she s not top in everything. Her Dad, by the way, didn’t do will in school and had a chip on his shoulder about this.
      It just all makes me feel like I’m not doing a great job of being a parent at the moment.


    • #16429

      Sorry for typos. Hope it makes sense

    • #16454

      Sorry to hear of your difficulties with your daughter, its such a worry when our children have problems.
      The abuse will have affected her and often children can feel guilty and that its is their fault and she may be putting too much pressure on herself for this reason.
      I don’t beleive that it has anything to do with your parenting of her , its because of what happened with the abuse, you are clearly a very caring Mom to her.
      Not helping having the Domineering Woman either and personally I would not want a child on antidepressants unless really really vital, councelling would be the better option for her, hope it sorts out , but don’t blame yourself.

    • #16456
      Main Moderator

      Hi Eve1,

      I’m sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. Parenting through and after domestic abuse is very challenging for any mother. You sound to me like a great mum who is putting your daughter’s needs and wishes first in very difficult circumstances (which were caused by the abuser and not by you).

      I appreciate that you may be reluctant to get more professionals involved but I really suggest you seeking some specialist support. You could contact your local domestic abuse service and ask if they have any children’s workers or courses for either you or your daughter. A lot of services run really informative courses regarding parenting your child through the impact of domestic abuse and also programmes for children and young people.

      You can also have a look at the support available from Barnados;

      And this resource for children and young people;

      Kind Regards,


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