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    • #127259
      Gingerbreadkitty
      Participant

      I last posted on this forum about 2 years ago and im no closer to getting out as i was then, things have got worse and i need to make a plan but im unsure how it all works now due to covid etc..

      One of my kids has needs which means he finds it very hard to share and can lash out violently when hes upset or someone else tries to share or when he gets angry this is a precursor to his condition, the other of my kids would be perfectly fine whatever happens. A refuge really isnt an option because of what one of my kids does.

      The other thing i dont know what happens if i leave everything behind but then leave behind expensive things that are under credit and under my name (pretty much all debt is under my name).

      How do i get out when private rent isnt an option as i have pets and those properties are few and far between and i have very little money due to paying debts every month and being on benefits isnt a good combo, so getting deposit money isnt an option and no council will entertain me while im still technically ‘low risk’ their words not mind.

      No one at womens aid themseleves has been able to give me an answer to my problem over the last year or so. Im at my wits end on how to resolve this. to get out myself i would need alot of money and this isnt an option for me either.

      TIA

    • #127293
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hello Gingerbreadkitty,

      Good to hear from you. Thank you for your post and for sharing what’s going on for you and where you’re at now. I can hear how difficult the situation is and how trapped you are feeling at the moment.

      There are some refuges that are self-contained rather than shared accommodation, is that something that could be a better option for you?

      In terms of the financial side of things, there is an organisation called Turn2Us who can help with accessing any grants or benefits that you might be entitled to. They have a helpline so it might be an idea to give them a call when you have a safe time.

      I’m also wondering if this website is helpful as you mention the debt in your name: https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/

      In the meantime, it sounds like it might be a good idea to start gradually putting some money aside in a private account, for a little bit of security when the right time comes around. I know this is easier said than done, and I can hear that things are tight at the moment but these sorts of practicalities can sometimes feel like small steps of progress.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #127485
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      Hi hun, i am so sorry no one has been able to help you,
      i will try my best to do so, but im not sure of your situation, i will put what i know may help and you will have to ignore the parts that arnt applicable to you 🙂 i do appologise.

      this will be a long post so i apologise again. feel free to personal message me if you want to.

      First thing is first- as you have a child with “needs” (i have one too) things are more difficult but not impossible!
      firstly i would get legal help- find a company that deals in Domestic Violence, womens aid may know the best one in your area as they have to refer people sometimes.

      If you are on benefits you most likely will be able to claim legal aid, but most protection orders that are sought through emergency measures and domestic violence are able to claim those on legal aid regardless of income.

      Legal aid help.
      https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid
      Domestic abuse or violence
      You might be able to get legal aid if you have evidence that you or your children have been victims of domestic abuse or violence and you cannot afford to pay legal costs.
      You do not have to get evidence before talking to a legal aid solicitor or Civil Legal Advice (CLA), but they’ll need to see it before deciding whether you can get legal aid.
      What counts as domestic abuse for legal aid
      You or your children must have been victims of either:
      domestic abuse or violence
      financial control, for example being stopped from accessing a joint bank account.
      What counts as evidence.
      You’ll usually need to show that you or your children were at risk of harm from an ex-partner.

      You can ask for evidence from:
      the courts
      the police
      a multi-agency risk assessment conference (MARAC)
      social services
      a health professional, for example a doctor, nurse, midwife, psychologist or health visitor
      a refuge manager
      a domestic violence support service
      your bank, for example credit card accounts, loan documents and statements
      your employer, or education or training provider
      the provider of any benefits you’ve received
      Check if you can get Legal Aid.
      https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

      i reported my incidents to police, who then put me onto the court orders.

      if you have rights to stay in the house you are in (eg. you bought it together, you are married, etc etc.)

      Occupation order-An occupation order would be an appropriate medium of protection if you consider yourself unsafe living with your partner, perhaps due to being subject to acts of violence and consequently you may have left home but want to return and exclude your abuser. In this way the order regulates who can live in the family home and come within the surrounding area.
      It is worth noting however, that such orders may not work for everyone the same way and in some such cases it may even be counterproductive. The courts do require that there has been a sufficient level of harassment to warrant an intervention order. The abuser must have acted deliberately to harass the applicant.

      https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-occupation

      there is also non molestation order-
      The Non-Molestation Order (NMO)- is essentially an injunction aimed at stopping the abuse from a partner or ex-partner (respondent) from ever taking place again. It is a civil order that is granted by a Judge or Magistrates through the Family Court.
      This can include (but is not limited to): Harassment & abuse of any kind, including through the use of phone calls, texts/emails/ social media. Even when contact is presumed to continue due to child contact arrangements.
      These court orders can be drawn up quickly and with as much detail as needed to keep the named person/people safe. Even to the extent of no contact at all unless it goes through family court/solicitors to gain access the child/ren.
      https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

      these 3 orders of protection can be recieved on legal aid in DV cases regardless of income.

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