26th March 2016 at 11:37 am #12274AloneParticipant
I guess I just popped in to give an update. I’m working all the time right now, I’m currently sitting on the floor, my whole body hurting with exhaustion!
Some of you may remember the holiday I was awarded after my domestic story was told to a charity. I lost the holiday as I was unable to book anything in time. Very disappointing news, but I had no one to go away with anyway, and would have been triggered going anywhere alone.
In my original job, the bully manager has been away for a while, so in his absence someone else who is familiar with how much I can actually do has been issuing me extra hours. So with the two jobs I have been working six days a week for a few weeks now. The second job has needed more recently, so I’ve also been doing some double shifts in there too.
I am so tired that I can barely move, and I recently discovered the bully is going to be away for longer than expected, so I have the potential of more shifts for a while yet.
I am so tired. But I just keep trying to keep this level of effort going as I don’t want to ever end up in the situation of last year again. This time last year was when all my problems collided as one, when work started affecting home, and the downward spiral really started speeding up. Knowing I will soon be redundant in one of my jobs is also making me want to do as much as I can while it’s on offer. As many of you know, last time I couldn’t support myself my family physically dragged me into the street and made me homeless. I never want to be in that position again. And working so much means I rarely see my family, they are usually in bed when I get back, so not seeing them is a bonus.
And of course it means I have less time and am too exhausted to feel sorry for myself.
I’m also getting to enjoy the first job again, as the bully being away means I am not isolated to work alone, and getting to mix with people I have barely seen in months. And obviously losing all my friends means that being able to work with others again is the only time I get any conversation and jokes with other people.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever run themselves into the ground in order to escape being around abusive people.
I’m going to keep it up as long as I can, I just wish I wasn’t still suffering with nightmares, it’s making it more difficult than it needs to be.
26th March 2016 at 12:57 pm #12278Falling SkysParticipant
So pleased you found time to post.
I’m so pleased the work bully is away hopefully with all this extra work you will be able to put some money away xx
To keep away from my abuser I leave the house at 6am and don’t return till 7-10pm. It’s hard but better than being in a war zone waiting for things to kick off.
26th March 2016 at 1:37 pm #12286AyannaParticipant
Hi Alone, I hope that you can move into a place of your own and that you find a better job in the near future. Nightmares are horrible. I often cannot sleep because of nightmares and flashbacks and then I go to work with 2 hours of sleep only.
I not long started a new job, because I was bullied in the old job. It was a lengthy process to get out of there and I was bullied until the last minute I left there. I now have to build up my professional confidence as well as my personal confidence that was smashed by the abuse.
Things will improve. It just takes time. We all need to hang in there. x*x
30th March 2016 at 3:06 pm #12544AloneParticipant
Thanks for the replies. Just a flying visit, as I am due to leave for work shortly. I replied a few days ago, but lost the message before posting it.
Falling skys, I also plan my day around avoiding people at home when not working so much. It becomes natural, part of every day life, it was quite shocking when I had counselling and I asked the counsellor to write a statement for me afterwards and she detailed how I make an effort to avoid being at home. She said it was one of the things that stood out to her most. But I can’t imagine anything else. It’s strange to start seeing and picking up on the little habits we develop due to abuse! I am trying to undo them and be more ‘normal’.
Hi Ayanna, unfortunately it will be a while until I can even consider moving. I wasn’t entitled to housing support and am being made redundant in a few months so will need to start the whole job search process again soon. My current income isn’t enough to support myself on – despite working six days a week I am still not earning enough to be taxed! It really is an awful feeling isn’t it, to be bullied at work when work is really the place you expect to be able to go to escape that kind of behaviour! I am really enjoying it again now the bully is away, I’m dreading him coming back, once he is, I’ll be back to minimum hours, back to my lonely existence and back to working in an isolated area. There are actually a few changes happening in the workplace at the moment, so I am really hoping to get myself noticed and hopefully improve my chances of transfer instead of redundancy, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. Just spotted the opportunity and going for it!
Got to run, hope all are doing well!
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