23rd February 2016 at 9:37 am #10262
Thanks Serenity & Lisa
Here’s an update ( it’s quite long I’m afraid)!
The end of this term was the last day at my little (detail removed by Moderator), where I had been working for the last (detail removed by Moderator) years … It was like the end of an era for me and I miss it so much
The company have closed it down – because it wasn’t financially viable them any more (I think they were over charging ) – and it all ended very abrupt inly , ( within a month of us, being told ) It’s been such a welcome intrinsic part of my life and I’m gonna miss it there so much
Initially they were negotiating with the (detail removed by Moderator) to see if I could get transferred though a transfer agency. But the (detail removed by Moderator) just diddn’t feel that try could commit to the finacial binding of it. Then something else’s happening I the middle of it all, I thought that – due to new legislation I might be disqualified from (detail removed by Moderator) all together, and u had to disclose my entire story to the safeguarding officer, luckily it was wavered due to ‘circumstances’ – but now it means that the safegauding officer, the HR person and the director of the company all all know about my story – and that I have a daughter ( she lives with my parents , and did have s protection order placed on her briefly when she was a baby. – it feels ok now, that they know – it’s good to have it out in the open , and to have their support with it.
Also ( after I had made the descion to stay with the company – which was influenced by having to make this discloser, ( I kind of diddn’t really feel strong enough in myself to deal with both big things happening at the same time , enough to really stand back and make a descion from
really empowered place .. Islso I thought ” oh, they’ve been so .. Also my whole lifestyle since leaving my abuser had been based around the area of my old (detail removed by Moderator) .. it was a different part of town from where he live and I have lots of lovely feelings anchored in that area relating to developing my careea & building my confidence- you know ? Enjoying the freedom of being able to shop for mysel( & buy all the lovely things I like ) in the local supermarket there ( which has a really nice atmosphere (the sort he hated!) and going to the local bar / cafe sometimes on my way home from work .. where they all know me …The quirkiness of the area in general ..And so on
Also there are two of my friends who work at this new (detail removed by Moderator) where I’ve been placed – who i love but they know me from before I left my abuser .. I have maintained gained my friendship with them, but kind of more from a distance , and another good thing about not working with them every day ( which I used to ) before I started my fav (detail removed by Moderator), I was that I was able to maintain my personal boundaries from them – because of the space and distance.
We still did socialise and work together occasionally.. But I felt happy about the space it allowed us, from eachother, it helped me to feel more confidant
& empowered ..
They are supportive, don’t get me
wrong, but don’t really understand about Narcissistic abuse and its recovery process.
So I’m worried that all that hard work of
maintaining my personal boundaries and building confidence as
me ‘post abuse’ will kind be flattened or disappear- if I’m sending every day – particularly with one of them , who is a very outgoing and charismatic – and sometimes overwhelming personality.
You see as, I don’t drive and as the (detail removed by Moderator) is too far to walk or bus, my only options are to either get the train or take a lift from my friend ( which she nearly always offers me esp on the way back, it used to be kind of a tradition and the place where we would discuss the session and she would talk about her life – and complain a lot and sometimes get quite judgmental about others.
Im the kind of person who really likes and needs my personal space and thinking/ processing time, especially on my way too or from work. But it will be hard and a bit impractical to refuse a lift
Initially they were negotiating with the school (detail removed by Moderator)to see if I could get transferred though a transfer agency. But the (detail removed by Moderator) just diddn’t feel that try could commit to the finacial binding of it. Then safeguarding officer, luckily it was wavered due to ‘circumstances’ – but now it means that the safegauding officer, the HR person and the director of the company all all know about my story – and that I have a daughter ( she lives with my parents , and did have s protection order placed on her briefly when she was a baby. – it feels ok now, that they know – it’s good to have it out in the open , and to have their support
But .. I feel like it might be time to spread my wings and fly to take my own path I also feel like after all the stress of the past few months, I still need some time to regain my strength and realign with my own path and dreams again,
to research other career options – ) including the option of maybe taking on my
old (detail removed by Moderator) ) But don’t know how my company would react if I took this post of (detail removed by Moderator) – (which I have they are interviewing me for tommorow )then left I once I was ready to do so .. They have a parental feel for me .. ( I’ve been working with them for several years now ) and it would be kind of like flying the nest if I take the (detail removed by Moderator) role ( which it would make sense to do so if I’m working there already, I
Feel they would expect me to commit to it for some length of time .. But I still have mixed feelings about continuing working for the company all together .. Because of their approach .. ( they never consulted the parents about closing the (detail removed by Moderator) and all the time ( knowing how heartbreaking and difficult it was for everyone ) they were planning to open two new (detail removed by Moderator) ( which they kept quiet about – and which is why they couldn’t really afford to keep ours on.. I’m a (detail removed by Moderator) I I’m not sure how I feel about this mercenary business approach
and all the bickering and bitching that went on btween the company and the (detail removed by Moderator) .. But they were so pleased that I had decided to stay on with them.. and even presented me with a big bunch of flowers when I arrived for my debrief meeting with my areal manger 😐
I’m worried that all that hard work I’ve put into centralising and building the lifestyle I want over the past year might be set – back or lost
Already, (I was still up at 4:00 in the morning writing and re writing this .. when I needed rio be up for this interview .. Feel a bit like I’m
Spiralling into sabotage mode 😕😒😏
Also tommorow I have a meeting with my assessor and I’m wondering wether to tell her the entire story too.. I don’t really want to but
Sometimes it feels like honesty is the only way forward when I’m feeling stuck
23rd February 2016 at 9:42 am #10263
… Just noticed that , some of that was cut and pasted onto the same page twice .. So it repeats in a coople of places ., sorry !
25th February 2016 at 8:50 pm #10464DaisyParticipant
It’s so unnerving when things change,
But change seems to be unavoidable at some point to all of us.
I understand you fondness for old area you worked in and the life you built up around it.
Take what you learn about the new you, with you,
People change , we live and learn and even if they knew you before and do see the changes in you, that’s a good thing.
Don’t let the dominance of others pressure you into doing what you don’t feel is right for you,
Hope your meeting was reassuring for you
X x x
29th February 2016 at 10:24 pm #10767
Aaaawah.. Thankyou Daisy, X*x
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