- This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by Woollymammal.
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16th January 2020 at 5:33 pm #95779WoollymammalParticipant
Hi Ladies,
I went to view the 1 bedroom house, it’s got it’s own fenced in garden and I liked the feel of it..
How often do you get a chance like this..
I was so pleased about the garden, especially as I have problems with my spine..
I am very anxious and got that doubting again, but I so want and need to.leave, hate having this feeling
Is it guilt? I don’t know, also it’s a little out of my comfort zone as it’s further away from my girls, which is from being away when my daughter was killed..
Just waiting for confirmation that I can have it.. but it feels like it will be home.. as daft as that sounds .. think it’s all part of the ptsd and trauma..
Sending you all hugs
X*x -
16th January 2020 at 6:38 pm #95791KIP.Participant
This sounds exciting. Yes your PTSD will make you want to cling onto what’s familiar. The trick is to push past those feelings and embrace your new place. Can you accept the offer this time without him knowing and just take your time before you move completely. Just spend a few hours a day there until it feels more familiar. Take your pets for a visit and know the very next time he abuses you. Simply walk out the door. It might give you empowerment to know you have a safe place to go to where he is nothing x
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16th January 2020 at 7:39 pm #95798WoollymammalParticipant
Hi Kip,
Thank you, I do feel excited, if I’m offered it in going to have it…
I was thinking about doing that, taking all my stuff from all over the place there… think your right it would help…X*x
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16th January 2020 at 10:19 pm #95833HunkyDoryParticipant
It sounds lovely woolly x enjoy your excitement and planning how you will make it yours. Take a couple of minutes a few times a day and imagine sitting in your garden having your morning brew or watching the night draw in.. how peaceful it will be.. all your trinkets & things you love around you. I’m excited for you! Xx
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17th January 2020 at 10:07 am #95853LisaMain Moderator
Hi Woolymammal,
Just wanted to say I’m really pleased the viewing went well and things are looking positive!
Will keep everything crossed for you,
Lisa
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17th January 2020 at 10:40 pm #95927fizzylemParticipant
Sounds lovely woolly; a garden!! Could get some plants and veggies growing? Sit outside in the sun! Hang your washing out on breezy days. Maybe have a pet? Although I think you’ve got dog/s havent you? Dog would love a garden hey.
You dont need to be near this place to feel close to her; you could make a special place / a tribute for her in your new home or garden and visit this to reconnect and spend time with her every day! Or as often as you need. Could plant something for her in your garden? You could move this place to wherever you need it to be; doesn’t have to at the very site; If you wanted to vist the place you lost her you could make this trip now again, get a lift or get the bus? Dont know if any of this helps or even if its relevant; it might be for other reasons too of course.
Family will come to you whereever you are – its not that far away right? Just a bit further out – and away from him! Dont tell him your address Woolly – ever! Sounds right this time hey xx
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19th January 2020 at 9:19 pm #96038WoollymammalParticipant
I’m really excited about the house, he’s being ultra nice..Do they know, how can they tell if you’ve changed?
I look after my (removed by moderator) in the school holidays, I have to be at her house early in the morning, which would cause traffic problems but also in case he sees me as he knows I usually look after her..
Obviously I don’t know when I’ll be going but it’s only (removed by moderator) until they break up.. so ill be worried about him seeing me but also looking after my (removed by moderator)..
So not sure what will happen…
Sending hugs
X*x -
20th January 2020 at 8:17 am #96074TiffanyParticipant
They definitely have a sense of when you are thinking about leaving. And dialing up the niceness is definitely a common tactic. Don’t be swayed by it. It won’t last. If you get moved into the house you will work out all the other logistics. Even if you have to get a taxi to look after the person you help with. Or have them dropped to your house. Also, I know the idea of him stalking you is scary. But it’s less scary than living with him – you are just used to that. If it comes to it is much more that the police can do about him trying to stalk you than the danger living with him. If the situation arises you will be able to deal with it. And you never know, maybe your abuser won’t dare come after you. Mine didn’t. Once he knew I wasn’t going to give him any more money, he stopped trying. After I managed full no contact (there was a period where I had to have limited contact while legal stuff was sorted) he only attempted one guilt tripping text message, and when I blocked him he gave up.
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24th January 2020 at 1:34 pm #96366FudgecakeParticipant
This is great news Woolly. I hope it goes well for you. Keep moving in the right direction x
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24th January 2020 at 7:31 pm #96399WoollymammalParticipant
Hi All Thank you so much for your support, I’ve got a prelimary appointment to sign contract for house..Just one more check grom mental health team.. felt sick and panicky.. but I’m going this time also getting pangs of guilt too..
But the thing I keep remembering in my head was him laughing at me and he wanted me to.respond when my daughter was there.. obviously she wouldn’t have known all the things he did in the shop to wind me up..So although I wanted to I didn’t..
X*x
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