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So, Childrens services said children shoud see their parents but they couldnt afford to supervise it. I arranged it with a support worker at kids school and the manager of local community centre. They were really good and very careful…but after my daughter said he had asked our plans for the next few days she said ” on my god…i spoiled everything. Hes going to start following us again” Thankfully he hasnt. But he has started texting and phoning my neighbour asking her to get the kids to go on fb to talk to him. She keeps giving messages to me about this. The police have said its not harrassment as its her not me..and its about the kids. I feel like hes gonna starts again. Physically he cud pin me up against a wall with one hand…now i feel like he is doing this psychologically. Even with the non mol he can make me feel his presence and he can find ways to control us. After they saw him they came home smelling of his cologne…i bleached the hous for aeven hours straight and ended up a crying heap…i dunno what to do. People keep saying they should see their dad.
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You have said ‘no’ to your neighbour to children going on facebook with him. Your neighbour is not accepting your no. You have your children’s interests at heart in not letting your abuser influence them on facebook. Your neighbour is putting you under pressure to change your no into a yes. Your abuser is abusing you via a third party, your neighbour. You will have to go No Contact with her as she is being a spokesperson for your ex.
I have no experience with the child contact with an abuser and social services, some of the other ladies on here will. But if they want your abuser to see his children let them arrange it. Do you have to do their job for them. Its not your problem. Your abuser wants to see his children. Social services want him to see his children. Other people want the abuser to see his children. That’s their problem. You don’t want your children to see their abuser dad as its not in their best interests to do so. You know how he has raped you, used a knife to threaten you in front of them etc.
What would happen if you refused to do social services job for them. You can pretend to be busy or sick or just haven’t the time to arrange it. They are getting paid to arrange it. Let them do it but ‘pretend ‘ you are being co-operative but just don’t take any action to set up a meeting between the children and their dad.
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Oh i dont know. I will check. Thank u both. The police sermed to be of the view tbat if it was about the kids thats ok. Just terrified he is going to find a c***k in the armour and get back inthanks lover of no contact…maybe i need to be a bit tougher. Its hard cos the kids want to see him. Whys it all so hard??
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Hi shiny
Its hard as it’s a new hurdle; another challenge but you’ve dealt with worse and you’ll deal with this.
Your children want to see their dad and you’ve made sure it happens safely and that’s good.
Keep social services and police on their toes and keep informing them of anything that’s not quite right.
I think eeyorenimore is right – I don’t think he can use a third party to get at you but it’s the detail that’s hard he’s actually wanting more contact with them not you so police will take it at face value not think of impact on you. Are the children old enough for FB?? If not tell your neighbour to keep out of it and remind her of age restrictions.
You’re doing a great job. Your house is clean again but you’ve got rid if his smell. Next time they come home leave the bleach in the cupboard and just get the children to strip off and get their clothes in washer with some lovely smelling fabric softener. It will be kinder on your hands!
Keep up the good work you are doing fine xxxx -
Oh thank you white rose….you must be psychic.hands are a total mess from all the bleaching and scrubbing. I dont really know why im so upset..i feel like im being irrational Its made me scared. Apparently hes bulking ul again and hes manic. I have thrown out some of his stuff what he wants back..he told neighbour. Im freakin out. Police were meant to give it him but it fot cancelled. Hearing people voices her is so soothing.
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Can you tell your neighbours the truth: that he’s an abuser and you have a court order to prove it and that they are not to facilitate his harassment as they can be pulled up in court too (okay, I made up the last bit!)
Can you give Paladin a call (national stalking advisory service) and see what they say? He’s crossing the line here.
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hi Shinebright lovely
sorry tohear he’s crossing right over lines again, no wonder you feel so distressed.. my non-mol stated no communication through third parties too, he has absolutely no reason to contact you and should keep all contact to the contact times in front of supervisors. if you say to supervisors all presents to go to you first in a bag then thats what he’ll have to do as you are protecting them and he’s justusing this as an excuse. he’s ignoring boundaries and you are being so strong in doing all of this. maybe a solicitors letter requesting he communicate through them only to make his own arrangements for contact which must be suitable for you with safety in mind first, for all. which means having someone there who will prevent discussions around your daily life and movements in any way as this definitely contravenes non-mols, as i think that is fairly standard, and definitely something that palladin can help with.
keep strong lovely, you have come so far, keep stepping forward and blaming him not you!
warmest wishes
ks xx
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Thank you Karma….feel like im being too dramatic. But thwn I think im not. He assaulted me, raped me, vandalised my prooerty, followed me, came in my house without permissio, bombarded me with messages and yet he can come in ny road and deliver presents…that not right is it? I dont have a solicitor and dont think i qualify for legal aid.will try palaldin though…never heard of them b4. Hope u ok too.
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