5th July 2016 at 7:26 am #20929
Please dont laugh, i am so scarred.
I have gotten up this morning and my bin has been moved to underneith my bedroom window. I have just woken my daughter up and she promises they didnt move it, ive just told her it must have been the wind so she isn’t scarred as she already worries he will find us.
It has left me so scarred and i dont know what to do we’ve not long moved out of refuge, i have a restraing order and hes not supposed to know where we are. But its the sort of thing he would do move things to play mind games make me think I’m going mad. I’m deaf in one ear and he would know if he was quiet i wouldnt hear.
I dont know what to do. If i call the police will they think I’m going mad?
Please I’m so scarred.
5th July 2016 at 7:58 am #20932lover of no contactParticipant
Hi Inneedofsome peace,
The fear he has instilled in you purposely while you were in a relationship with you, has been triggered by the ‘bin’ situation. It could be him or it may not. Either way your main fear and terror is that he has found out where you are since coming out of the refuge. If he did touch ‘the bin’, his motive will be to get a reaction from you and to trigger fear in you.
Easy to say, hard to do but sit with this horrible feeling of fear triggered in you, just for today. What you want is for him to eventually get sick and tired of you and leave you alone and for him to go get his ‘kick’ out of victimizing/terrifying someone else, be it a new girlfriend, family member or friend (sorry to his new victims). As long as he is getting a ‘fear’ reaction out of you, he is getting his ‘high’. He is an addict. He is addicted to Power and Control and he is addicted to ‘the high’ he gets from seeing ‘a look of terror and fear’ on his target’s faces (you and your daughter) or seeing the fear reactions you carry out.
Don’t give him a reaction that he knows about. You can feel fearful and sick with nerves all day today but feel those feelings and get on with your day. I hate those feelings too, I had them the other day in relation to my son being ill. My ‘worst-case scenario’ thinking came into play, etc. But then those feelings eventually passed.
Your long-term aim is to get him ‘fed up’ getting no reaction from him. Initially I had to fake this. I would ‘pretend’ his antics didn’t affect me by my actions (not reacting) inside I would be scared/hurt/angry etc. I had to post a lot and read a lot of posts to manage my fear and hurt etc. But it worked and my fear of him is gradually being replaced by indifference, not quite as he uses my children as weapons to hurt me and that’s hard to be indifferent to..but I’m getting there.
Remember our abusers ‘get off’ on any kind of emotion. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Keep posting for support. You are vulnerable and its early days. You need a lot of support to get through this.
Well done for getting out of the abusive relationship.
5th July 2016 at 8:09 am #20933godschildParticipant
Hi so sorry this has happened, you will be hyper alert to everything at the moment which is understandable. You could speak to your local police about how you are feeling and that this has happened.
What is the likelyhood that it may have been him, does he live near, are your local police aware of your situation, it may be a good thing just to havea chat with them to tell them how you are feeling and your fears . sending you a hug take care xxxxx
5th July 2016 at 10:47 am #20942SerenityParticipant
I couldn’t have put it better than LONC,
Similarly, I came home yesterday to find my son’s shoes strangely leant against the front door.
My ex isn’t meant to be in my road- but he’d come up the drives and put them there. On the face of it, to be helpful- but we all know it is to show me he is ignoring the law by ignoring the court order.
He promised in court he wouldn’t come on my road.
It may have been your ex- it may have been a drunk passerby- but even if it was him sweetie, take a deep breath and think of how pathetic his actions actually are. He has such a sad life that he needs to do such things. Then take concrete action: log with the police, get advice from your local WA etc- getting concrete advice will make you feel stronger.
I would log it and maybe make a log with the police, as you could tell them you feel it’s important unless he does anything else to harass you.
They are pathetic little men. They spend their time bullying us, yet they can’t exist alone- they need someone to bully.
Keep on posting X
5th July 2016 at 10:48 am #20943SerenityParticipant
PS I forced myself not to react to the shoe incident. I acted to my kids like I hadn’t even noticed. I’m not letting him know he’s affected me.
You are stronger than him X
5th July 2016 at 11:02 am #20946
I have called my idva and out reach worker but both are going to answer phone. I had to speak to my police officer so i mentioned it to him. All i got was it will be some local idiot dont put it down to him. Ooo and keep smiling how does he expect me to do that!!
I am sure i am over reacting but its the sort of game he would play. Move things and then let me think I’m going crazy! I thought after a yr he would have moved on but even without this he continues
6th July 2016 at 2:04 am #21025Confused123Participant
ALWAYS BE ON GUARD, YOUR NOT BEING SILLY AND WELLDONE FOR GETTING SUPPORT XX
6th July 2016 at 10:38 am #21056
I am sure they are right and it probably wasn’t him. But it has triggered into my fear and insecurity. How after a yr can i not be iver this? I am so tired, I hust want an end to it i want to forget. I have decided that if there isn’t a decision soin i will retract my statement they have had a yr to make the choice as to if to charge him or not and now the cps have sent the file back and I’m told it will take a long time to get it ready to send back again, and I’m sure this is stuff that should have been in the file in the first place. I need closure i need to put it neatly in a box and forget i can’t do that with it still in the air.
6th July 2016 at 10:23 pm #21126
I have managed to get hold of my IDVA today who is lovely listens and then has a way of getting me to give her the answer. So i told her about the bin and she asked me if i really thoughtbif he came to my house he’d just move a bin?! No of cause he wouldn’t if he came he he’d get in and kill me! So maybe it wasn’t him and im just being paranoid
6th July 2016 at 10:40 pm #21128HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear in Need,it don’t think you are being silly or irrational. Are you OK now? I know that you posted this this morning X*X
6th July 2016 at 10:51 pm #21131
Thankyou healthyarchive. I know it wouldnt have been him. But i still feel unnerved by it. I think the panic i had scarrd me just as much
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