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    • #129261
      VaaVaaVoom
      Participant

      Hello, I’ve come to realise/think my relationship is abusive and I guess I just need/want someone to tell me I’m not crazy and these things aren’t normal:

      – constant belittling (you can’t do anything right, let me do it because you’ll only do it wrong)
      – you’re a bad wife / bad mother
      – hiding money from me in private accounts
      – screaming in my face (detail removed by moderator)
      – screaming at our children (detail removed by moderator)
      – silent treatment if I don’t do as he wishes
      – speaking badly of my friends and family (i don’t know why you bother with them, etc)
      – making it hard to speak on the phone and/or have friends over
      – making it hard to return to work, saying it’s selfish that I wanted to work and I should be happy to stay at home,
      – punching a hole in our (detail removed by moderator)…
      – it’s my fault he feels this way because i’m not more supportive/loving/caring

      … this is abuse right, not just a slightly angry man?

    • #129265
      KIP.
      Participant

      Absolutely horrific abuse of you and your children. Please contact women’s aid as soon as possible. What he’s doing is illegal. Start to keep a secret journal of his behaviour and confide in your GP. That will be good evidence if needed. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. He sounds like a typical nasty abuser. Abuse creeps up on us, it becomes normal but ask yourself if a man treated your mother/sister/friend this way then what would you advise. Do not confront him or talk to him about leaving as this is dangerous. You could talk to the domestic abuse police unit for advice x you deserved so much better and he chooses to behave this way x

    • #129267
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Yes. It is abusive behaviour. He is abusive / an abuser. You and your children are being abused.

      Women’s Aid can help you. There is nothing you or anyone else can do that will change him. At best he may stay the same. At worse it will continue to escalate and take new forms.

      Do you know what you want to happen? It took a long time for me to wake up. Luckily I was in the middle of carrying out an exit plan when things started to escalate the final time so I already had emergency clothes and important documentation in my car boot tucked under other things and a list of things online to change passwords on (a previous attempt had led to financial sabotage when he was able to access online accounts – he was sneaky and ruthless).

      Good luck with whatever you decide. Escaping isn’t easy but it is worth it.

      GR

    • #129528
      VaaVaaVoom
      Participant

      Thank you! I really appreciate the time taken to reply. I’m actually in another country, so additionally hampered by the archaic laws here, meaning I cannot leave the family home without an order from a judge and I cannot ask the judge to issue the order without providing proof I have amicably requested a divorce… I won’t say where I live but they don’t have a great record on feminicide, so that’s reassuring!

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