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Me and my ex have split but there are some things in my mind what have happened which hurt so badly like I’ve been stabbed over again.
One is when we split up some women rang I don’t know her she announced how someone had disappeared and I’ve never seen someone so upset and erratic in my life like he was gunna rush to save him a million miles away ,I thought about the times when I was very poorly and didn’t come to my saviour and I was sat at the side of the road yet he jumped and went to sort this person out who is a million miles away.
I can’t stop thinking why did he treat me like that when I said I was poorly he laid in his bed texting or on phone which I think he was doing he shouldn’t have in bed probably master sting I don’t know but it was around that time I found different women on his device -
Sometimes I used to say why don’t you end it if you hate me so much but he said he dosent but I’d say why you treating me with hatred it wasn’t even mild I felt like he hated me and on one occasion I said I hate him cause I started to think I did cause he used to laugh and smirk when I got angry even when my anger was very high rated he used to laugh and smirk even when police were involved he smirked at me but to everyone else he’s nice I don’t understand it .it’s making me so upset coming to terms with it even situation when family passed away he didn’t tell me to see them for a long time it felt like he didn’t care and it kept being prolonged till my family member died he didn’t usher me to go and I still stood by his side
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Hello Mellow,
I can hear how upsetting it has been to look back and remember some of the ways in which your ex hurt, dismissed and treated you with such disregard. It sounds like unforgivable behaviour and you do not deserve to have been made to feel this way.
It sounds like you are processing a lot of feelings at the moment which sounds like a natural element of eventually breaking away from the abusive dynamics.Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
I think you still might be trauma bonded mellow, the trauma bond can last for a while, reading your post it does sound like it, it messes with your mind and nervous system 🧡🤗🧡
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I’m not sure if someone on the phone spoke to you or him but if your still living together the situation is gonna be toxic and awkward (to say the least) it’s also affecting your self esteem, but remember that all abusers at the start do their best to seem really good but they don’t stay that way, he’ll eventually abuse whoever this is ✨🧚🏻♀️✨
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