• This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by KIP..
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    • #116459
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’m feeling highly stressed as I’m facing a decision with work. Without saying too much I have been offered another job (it’s only temporary) but the job I was supposed to go into soon is also potentially only temporary. (I’m not working currently but waiting to start and now need to make a decision).
      Anyway, I said to him I was stressed and didn’t know what to do. He asked me about it but wasn’t looking or properly listening as he was doing something. I walked out and said (detail removed by Moderator) and he replied sarcastically (detail removed by Moderator)!

      When I tell him I’m stressed he says he is too..
      He doesn’t work and refuses to look for anything until we move (which he’s trying to arrange) to the area he loves where he can work with like minded people.

      I don’t cope well with change and both jobs I need to decide between will be a change for me.
      When I’m stressed he kind of minimises it by speaking to me in a nicey voice but then gets annoyed if I stay stressed for long and makes out I’m in a mood or ‘taking it out on him’ which is his favourite phrase. He does offer advice and will try to help but like I’ve mentioned can make me feel like I’m being moody.

      I’ve been scored as severe for anxiety with the NHS counselling but they cant help me due to the abusive relationship. I told myself I would try another local women’s charity this week but it just all feels too much and I’ve been putting it off.
      It’s like I can’t cope with the stress of everything with the job and then having to call a helpline to try and get counselling to help me leave the relationship eventually.
      I know I shouldn’t expect much from him with the way he is but I cant exactly pretend I’m fine when I’m feeling so stressed about something.

      Sorry rant over, just feeling very stressed and wish I wasn’t!

    • #116460
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s him and the abuse that’s making you anxious and stressed. Without him in your life the jobs would be an exciting challenge. He’s dragging you down and making you mentally ill x I know because I’ve been there. He’s not interested in supporting you. He has no empathy. Abusers get annoyed with us when they’re expected to step up and be supportive. It’s too much of an effort to help us when we need them. In fact they see us being stressed or ill as an opportunity to abuse further. They sense our vulnerability x

    • #116526
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Thanks KIP, I’ve definitely noticed when I have a problem I’m trying to sort and it inconveniences him and what he wants to do he will get annoyed with me. So horrible as all I want is support. I do kind of get it from him but like I said it’s when it suits him or depending on what mood he’s in. Yet if he has a problem and can’t cope all plans go out the window and we have to do what suits him 😞 x

    • #116527
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’m starting to feel bad criticising him. My mind keeps thinking well he has shown you lots of support before and made you feel better. So tired of saying it but I wish I was stronger x

    • #116529
      KIP.
      Participant

      It takes time to build the strength and knowledge to leave an abusive relationship. He doesn’t get any brownie points for doing what any caring partner would do, thats a given in a relationship. It’s the nasty stuff that’s unacceptable and will get worse x

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