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    • #9470

      I’m ready to leave, I’ve been matched to a house, the housing are doing repairs now and practically gutting it and redoing the inside. I have to wait now, just hoping with everything crossed that nothing goes wrong…

      I’ve tried leaving before, my landlord got sniffy with me, dragged his feet over assigning the tenancy so I could sign for a new one and took too long so I lost the house 😢 I ended up giving in and staying…now I just want to walk in and say to landlord I’m giving up my tenancy, you ring up and talk to my soon to be ex about assignment, not my problem(!)

      Anyone have experience of this joint tenancy palaver with a social housing landlord 😕 such a headache with it!

    • #9479

      I did. It was a nightmare. They would not let me get out of it. I told them I had to leave because of domestic abuse and they wanted to force me to pay the rent for him whilst I already lived in my new place. I had some email conversations, luckily I had kept those. I had to involve a solicitor and I made a massive complaint. They harrassed me on the phone every day. I yelled back every time. I even reported them to the police. It was a disaster. I think at some point they could not handle me anymore and met with me and let me out of the contract. If I had not been so traumatised and had more time to think and organise I would have written them a recorded letter. That would have been my legal saviour. But I was too stressed to do that. Maybe you find the time to write a proper letter and send it via recorded delivery. That way they cannot do anything.

    • #9491


    • #9725

      Thank you both, Ayanna I have took your advice and drafted a letter for the landlord and when the time comes I will email, send recorded and hand deliver a copy(!) BUT I have spoken to the housing officer today who says my house is having a complete overhaul and won’t be ready for 6 weeks(!) which means playing nice and living a lie for 6 weeks…

      I’m trying to look positively, as my mum and a friend said today at least I have that time to prepare, they’ve both offered to help stash away some useful bits and any furniture we can find until it’s ready. I just hate the pretence and staying with mr ‘king of the castle’, but I do realise I’m lucky really, it could be much worse xx

    • #9762

      Omg, that is tough. Make sure you write in your letter that you want out of the joint tenancy and that you suffer from domestic abuse and your situation is dangerous. Otherwise they might trouble you. If he does not pay the rent they will come to you for it. He might try to be nasty and do that. The thing is, at some point he will be homeless if you refuse to pay. I refused to pay and at some point he probably did not want to become homeless and paid the rent. After that they had no choice but to let me out of the contract. They still had to be threatened by solicitors to do that. I hope your housing association is better. x*x

    • #10020

      😥 this is going to be a very long 6 weeks… Asked my youngest how she’s been doing while I’ve been out at work this week, she tells me she’s coping with dad by letting him have his moans and then she’ll go upstairs and use her pillow to either hit or cry into 😢 her room is next to my sons and she says she hears him muttering and swearing to himself after dad has a moan at him too.

      What life is this? They are afraid to speak up for themselves, to disagree with him – what teenager doesn’t disagree with parents?? I really don’t want to put them through an upheaval without planning but having us just putting up with this is soul destroying.

      I’m contemplating how I go about leaving sooner. We could possibly stay with friends and/or family who have offered to help before so I know they would try to accommodate us. But it would be cramped and we’d feel like a burden plus there’s a lot of uncertainty if i do it that way. I’m unsure which scenario is more damaging! Xx

      • #10041
        mixed-up mum

        Hi Red – you are doing great – you can do this – each week that passes is a week CLOSER to being FREE!!!!

        Soon you will have a lovely home, all done up ready for you to move in to – and start the test of your life!!!! 🙂

        You can do this for 6 weeks – and yes least it gives you time to get bits an bobbs and hide them at your m**s and your sisters – oooh exciting times!!!!

        Be strong – hold on – count down the days!!!! 🙂 x*x. 🙂

    • #10038
      Peanut butter

      I am also playing the waiting game. I’m in a joint tenancy and I want him to go. He won’t. Hes been out of work this past few months and I know he has no savings so kicking him out will mean he is homeless. He also want have contact with any family or friends. I have to do another 6 months of this before I can let the house go. I’m also trying to carry the same mindset as you ‘it could be worse’ x

    • #10090
      mixed-up mum

      Sorry my post above should read the REST of your life – not the test of your life!!!!

      Its hard leaving your kids with their father – when I lived with him I very, very rarely left them – for I knew by the time I got back he’d of made one or both of them cry – he just always picked on them when I wasn’t there to see it – and then it was always their version of events versus his – and he would deny everything of course – it was NEVER ever HIS fault – so how come they were always shut away in there bedrooms by the time I got back, too frightened to come out or just trying to avoid him.

      The welcome I’d get when I returned – they were so pleased to have me back – the big cuddles Id get they knew he wouldn’t try and hurt them when I could see – only ever if I was out of earshot or out of the house.

      So that’s why I could never leave them – I knew what I would come home to – and I just couldn’t leave them – how could I when my daughter would beg me not to go.

      There wrer occasions I’d just have to go – and my daughter would try and look after her little brother, and protect him, but she only got in more trouble fom their father.
      As you say – they wrre not allowed views or opinions of their own – he was right, they were wrong, that was that.

      To end up with before we left him they would spend more and more time alone in their rooms – but I see now this was all a further part of his ‘grand plan’ to isolate me from everyone – there were no friends or family coming past – and he made sure it was difficult for me to phone people – and he’d made sure it was difficult for me to go out – and so he had achieved his goal – to keep everyone else away and have me all to himself – you see how these men have it all worked out – only you don’t see it all when you live there – its only once you are out it becomes so much clearer…….

      There comes a time when you can no longer put your kids or yourself through any more of this – you can take no more – its no life living that way……

      So do what’s right for you – if you think you can last out another 6 weeks this will give you time to see to things and get things – but if you can take no more then go to friends or family – they will help you – and its only for a short time……but only you know what you can handle – how much more you all can take…….

      Good luck whatever you decide to do – we’re all here for you. x*x

    • #10926

      Trying not to panic… Housing officer called today, I go and view new house tomorrow – partly “yay!” but partly “uh oh” as she mentioned sign up? I couldn’t risk asking any further questions as he was upstairs, but I can’t sign up til ready to go because of the stupid joint tenancy issue(!)
      It’s pathetic, new housing association want proof I’m off old tenancy before signup, current HA will get straight on phone to ‘him’ either as or before I sign away current tenancy – AND THEY ASK WHY WE STAY WITH ABUSERS!! Certainly don’t make it easy to leave!

      Anyway let’s hope they give me a little time, I know last week I was chomping at the bit to leave but I’ve been preparing and I haven’t finished! 😁 x

    • #10929
      mixed-up mum

      Hiya – so is the house ready to move in to now then? I thought they told you 6 weeks?
      Well thats great if it is ready – excited for you!!! 🙂

      It’s so good having your OWN house – a secure place, your sanctuary – a place where you can go to bed and be safe and sleep well – its fantastic having that peace of mind.

      The constant stress of living the life you have been living is lifted – everything is so much more relaxed – its not all plain sailing in the early days – but after a little while things settle down as you begin to live your new life.

      I didn’t have much first I moved in here, bit gradually you get things and make it a home – all my stuff is second hand – but it’s mine and he can’t take that way from me!!!!

      I was so lucky to get this house, and I appreciate it so much – my fresh start – a forever home for me and the kids…..

      Good luck and keep in touch – let us know how it goes. 🙂

      Take care,
      Keep safe.


    • #10941

      Just two weeks now 😊 which is about perfect, just enough time to sort things and not too long if I need to stay with friends (which is looking more likely). Relieved (for now!) the s**tstorm starts on Monday – all the more difficult as he’s currently in a “good” stage of the ‘cycle’ just have to remind myself that I KNOW IT WONT LAST 😕 x

    • #11113
      mixed-up mum

      Hi Red – how you doing?? x*x

    • #11116

      Hi, been speaking with housing, I’m to go see them in a few days but it means telling him tomorrow as it’s the only day I’ll see him what with our work patterns etc. So today is getting emergency bits ready to go while he’s out, just in case, although like I said we’re in a “calm stage” but i highly doubt it will last after tomorrow x

    • #11120
      mixed-up mum

      Hiya – good to hear from you – I hope it goes ‘OK’ when you tell him (or at least as well as can be expected in the circumstances) – please keep in touch and let us know you are safe.

      Take care. x*x

    • #11190

      Hope all went well x

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