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After a moment of epiphany (detail removed by Moderator) I was very honest with my husband and told him I want to separate. He is refusing to go on the grounds that it’s his families home I.e the kids and we live there. He still thinks he is in with a chance, sadly he isn’t. I also have a notorious mmedical record when it comes to my mental health – but I think most people would if they had their mum kill themselves in the house when you were then, a dad that didn’t care about us and then he died. I’m still here so I can’t be that mentally unstable can I.
Anyway. I really want to avoid an occupational order because it will turn very nasty. What on earth do I do?!!!!!
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Hi Rainbowsandsunshines
I just wanted to show you some support. I am so sorry to hear about your childhood, you have been through so much. I hope you have some support in place such as your local domestic abuse service or your GP.
It’s concerning that your husband is not listening to what you want and is refusing to leave.
You could have a chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation in more detail and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Take care and please keep posting
Lisa
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Hi Rainbowsandsunshines
You’ve been through so much and I’m sure your experiences have only made you stronger.
Does your husband know that you’re considering an occupational order? If he does then maybe try and explain to him what it means etc.
What reasons do you think he’s refusing to leave? X
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I’m in the same situation! Mine is refusing to leave… I think he was hoping I would change my mind but the longer he’s here the more I want absolutely nothing to do with him… I just don’t know what I can actually do, struggling to find places suitable for me (so I can be the one to leave) and I’m really struggling right now! I also have a history of mental health (eating disorders and PND – hopefully these are allowed!)
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No I haven’t told him because then he might try and get one too? I own the house outright and it’s all in my name. His mother has told me he cannot go back there, I suspect that’s because of covid but he regularly goes there anyway so I think that’s just a rubbish explanation.
It’s all getting too much if I’m honest. I didn’t realise this would be so difficult. But I feel like I’ve made my decision now and should stick to it. When I read other stories on here mine appears very mild and tiny in comparison, but it doesn’t take away the fact that we need to seperate. My head is really mashed at the moment. I’ve got some new tablets from the doc which are taking the edge off but it was hours before I fell asleep last night. I actually ended up at the crisis centre because my mental health had deteriorated massively. I had contemplated taking sick leave but with him in the house I’d rather be at work at the moment.
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Bless you. It’s not the best situation is it! I was in the same predicament as you but I knew my abuser wouldn’t leave so I have. You shouldn’t have to leave if it’s your property, he should be the one to go. Finding property isn’t easy anyway, I’m just fortunate that I have my Grandma’s house, if not I’d be stuck. He is a one man show so will be easy for him to find somewhere, even if it’s just sofa surfing for a while. It’s impossible to live like that when you have kids, they need the stability of a home.
Your health will get worse until he goes. I remember that feeling of claustrophobia and not being able to think straight when you’re still having to share living space with your abuser. Have you considered getting the locks changed and packing his stuff up and sending it to his mums or another family member? Xx
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