Want to leave but can’t find the courage

[Bubz]

My husband is a control freak and mentally abuses me.
I really want to leave but I’m scared of change and what affect it will have on my (removed by moderator) year old son.
I’m sure he is cheating too as he is out every night and comes home with blonde hairs on his clothes. He brushes it off and puts it down to working in (removed by moderator). He has been caught out before and I was stupid enough to take him back believing he would change.
We are like passing ships in the night at the moment and he blames him going out all the time on me because there is no point him hanging around when we are not talking.
I hope one day I find the courage to leave.
I’m just soo scared

[KIP.]

Gathering a support network will make it much easier to leave. Knowing you have this ready when you decide to go. You don’t need to wait for another excuse. He’s already given you permission to leave the first time he abused you x

[Lisa]

Hi Bubz,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a safe and supportive place to be.

Change can certainly feel overwhelming and scary, but know whenever you are ready, there is help out there. Like KIP expressed, the less isolated you are in this, the stronger you are. There are specialist services you can engage in to get information on your rights and options.

A good place to start can be your local domestic abuse service. They can offer both emotional and practical help if needed. They are free, so use them on-going as you need. If you just need to talk at the moment, just let them know. They understand that leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. You may also find it useful to read how to make a safety plan to leave the relationship, which can be found on the link here.

Take your time with all this and move forward in the way that feels right to you. Trust your ‘gut’. Do keep posting to let us know how you are.

Take care,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

The effect it will have probably for you is a more seethed, freer, happier existence I can’t speak for your your son (I don’t know their relationship dynamics) if he’s the obsessive type he might start harassing but even coming out of them there’s still pain and heartbreak (but being in it is so much worse for you) also these other women/women he’s seeing he could be bringing infections and diseases to your door (I don’t know your situation there and it would be seriously impersonal of me to ask) but these cheaters are irresponsible and can get other people pregnant and bring things like herpes, warts, hpv,(all types including high grade cervical cancer causing ones) leaving would be so much better (no more mental abuse, no more self esteem issues and hurt from his cheating and no more of the potential other things I mentioned) it depends how trauma bonded you are to him and if your self esteem is in a place where you feel your worth more than being in this (sometimes being in abuse is so much lonelier that being without a partner) it’s hard I know but you’ve given a large part of your life to someone who doesn’t value it, maybe give to yourself all the things you brought to your relationship instead? 💖💛💖

[Bubz]

Thank you for all your encouraging words. I appreciate it. I have already taken the step and spoke to a domestic abuse helpline who have given me the local number to contact. Do you know if these places are open on a Sunday when I’m alone?
He has (removed by moderator) starting an argument with me asking me why I’m soo angry and that we need to atleast be civil. I told him I’ve had enough and he just brushes my feelings aside and talks over me.
Found more (removed by moderator) this morning but denial denial denial

[Bubz]

Also he makes me feel guilty about not having sex with him and forfilling his needs so no chance of passing anything to me. I forgot to mention, in the past when he cheated, he already got somebody pregnant and when I found out, forced her to get an abortion. I should never have took him back. Wouldn’t be surprised if he has more babies out there. I know what people think…I’m stupid for ever taking him back but it’s hard when you think your in love

[Anonymous]

They should be open on Sunday there’s emergency lines too and women’s aid helplines (but you probably know if that one) he’s really manipulative isn’t he? You’ve spoke about his needs fulfilled what about yours to not be abused cheated on lied to, and he’s probably been lying to other women about you too (it’s what these types do) what a horrible man getting someone pregnant and making her have an abortion (the impact of abusers if far stretching, also I meant a more settled life (if you left spellchange changed it to seethed???) we get it we understand we’ve stayed in things longer than we probably should for different reasons but I hope you and everyone still in finds a way out one day 🌼🐣🌼

[Bubz]

Thank you Auriel. Hopefully I’ll find the strength to leave one day. And I’ll try to ring the helpline tomorrow. Does something just click in your head to leave one day?

[gettingtired]

I’m hoping this is what happens. I guess everyone’s story of leaving is different. I understand how difficult it is to make that step, I’ve had another failed attempt of leaving this weekend. I’ve tried a few times before but when it comes down to it I can’t ever go through with it. Plus his behaviour is always better before he goes away leaving me feeling guilty and like I can’t leave him.

[Cosmicasca]

In my case, it took several attempts to psychologically and emotionally break free. Keep trying, eventually I think there will be the final nail. For me it was when I realised he was never going to change, and I deserved better than to feel like rubbish.

[Bubz]

Atleast you have tried. I think I’m most scared to leave because of my son and I don’t want to take him away from his comfort zone (his home) we have lived in since he was born.
I’m sat here holding my son to sleep feeling like q failure..my heart breaks and don’t want to put him through any drama if I can help it.
I Don’t think he will ever change and I need to know my worth.

[Author]

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