Was I wrong to contact local Women's Aid?

[Bluebangles]

My marriage was abusive, but it’s been ended for years and apart from some issues resulting in involving police – it’s been all quiet for a good few recent years.
Until recently, but I’ll explain more in a sec.
Beforehand I had involvement from women’s aid in the early days, via the helpline and they actually called the police on my behalf on one ocassion. Then at a local level I had someone who checked in once every few months and had the opportunity to do a group therapy course but found it too tough and left. That was a pretty long time ago.
Now after getting into contact with my abuser, it has turned not pleasant again – so far only name calling aimed at me and children and silly things like flowers turning up. I ask him to stop, and he does…but then finds a different route in.
I contacted my local DV service because I’m feeling pretty upset about the whole thing. The service I used to be part of has been closed down for a few years, so I asked to make a new referral. They listened, said they’d pass my details on to an advocate who’d be in touch within a time frame. I was nervous and didn’t explain very well. That time frame has been and gone… so now I feel truly embarrassed to have got in touch. They obviously thought that it was nothing in the grand scheme. I’m pathetic.

[SunshineRainflower]

You’re not pathetic, you’re extremely brave and doing great! I had the same experience waiting for an outreach worker, I think it’s to do with priority ie. if you are in immediate risk of danger then they work with you first. It just shows sadly how many women out there need these services. Mine has a waiting list like everything else and I am still waiting to hear back.

In the meantime I have found a lovely support group and am starting a DV course. This is through a local DV charity. Is there anything else in your area you can access? I googled everything and have made millions of phonecalls and have eventually found support but it’s been hard work, it’s very hard to find but please do not give up because it is out there, you just have to be a bit persistent sometimes.

Could you ask you gp? They often have counsellors attached to surgeries who do trauma recovery type therapy or they could let you know about other organisations who can help.

Also, if possible go no contact with the abuser, it’s the only way (unless you have children and then do extremely low contact to avoid getting drawing back in).

[Lisa]

Hello Bluebangles,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find this to be a supportive place with other Survivors.

You were not wrong to contact your local service so please do not feel embarrassed or that you are pathetic. It must have taken a lot of courage to contact them so it is understandable you feel let down. As SunshineRainflower has said, unfortunately there is often a waiting list for support. How do you feel about contacting them again via phone or email for an update?

If you would like to talk confidentially while waiting for your local service then please do contact the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline. They are available on 0808 2000 247, if you do not get through straight away then there is a voicemail service to request a call back at a safe and convenient time for you. The Helpline Workers can be a listening service and discuss options based on your circumstance as well signpost you to other helpful organisations.

Keep posting to us when you can. There is support here for you.

Best wishes,
Lisa

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