26th June 2020 at 2:54 pm #107636Anonymous
So to cut a long story short I was in a mentally abusive relationship (detail removed by moderator) ago and we have a child together but he doesn’t have any contact due to the abuse and the way he treated my other children when we were together ( which led to me to me finally waking up and realising this man was a monster) anyway when I was (detail removed by moderator) pregnant with our child we were having consensual sex but during I was really uncomfortable obviously due to the pregnancy and I asked him to stop twice! He didn’t he continued until he was finished. I guess I pushed it to the back of my mind but after all this time it still bothers me! I want to report this man but I’m scared nothing will happen because it was so long ago or incase it’s not classed as rape! Advice needed please.
26th June 2020 at 3:23 pm #107639Wants To HelpParticipant
I’m going to reply from a legal view and not a personal one.
If consensual sex happens and consent is withdrawn during the act, and it is made clear that consent is withdrawn, then to continue is sex without consent, which is rape. However, consent withdrawn during a consensual act is incredibly hard to prove and there have not been any prosecutions for this. Even in recent incidents, DNA evidence can’t be used because clearly there will be DNA present during the consensual part, so it will come down to one word against another regarding whether consent was withdrawn after the sex started.
There is no time frame to report a rape, so you could report a historical rape to the Police and they would be duty bound to interview him. They may not arrest him as the necessity and proportionality may not be met under the circumstances, so he could be invited in for a voluntary interview regarding a complaint of historic rape. I know there are ladies on here who have reported historical rapes and have found the process has helped them to heal. I don’t know if the outcomes resulted in prosecutions and convictions for them, but sometimes, a victim does not necessarily want a prosecution, they just want to be heard and taken seriously and for the abuser to face the consequences of his actions. His behaviour will also be recorded on file for future reference. If a future girlfriend asked for a Clare’s Law disclosure on him then this would be disclosed to her.
You could also call the Rape Crisis helpline and talk to them about this and seek advice.
I know other ladies will come along and support you soon and on a more personal level too.
26th June 2020 at 6:35 pm #107645KIP.Participant
If he was abusive to you and sexually assaulted you, there’s a very good chance he’s done it to others and if you make a statement you may find there are other women who have already done the same or who may report him in the future. It’s your decision but I put mine on the police radar for other victims who come forward they Now have my statement as support. Be prepared for a backlash from him if you do this. You need to be strong and safe.
27th June 2020 at 2:15 am #107722Soulsearcher18Participant
I think that we should report if we feel able to and make them accountable for their actions, also to unite, make ourselves heard and protect others.
As Wantstohelp points out, it is wise to be realistic about the potential outcomes though, I also agree with KIP-be prepared for a backlash and your safety is priority. You can ask for support around this prior to reporting.
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