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Hi all, I was hoping for some support and tips. I have been with my boyfriend for x years and our relationship ended (detail removed by moderator). We live together with our dog in his house and I am currently in the process of buying my own place. We will be sharing having our dog 50/50 and I couldn’t find anywhere to rent that allows dogs or wasn’t out of my price range so decided to look to buy, aware this can take months and I have no other option but to stay, I cant stay with any family as they live (detail removed by moderator) hours away and friend’s can only have me for short periods.
For years he has been gaslighting me every day, manipulative, controlling and cruel and I was looking for some tips and support of how to deal with his behaviour whilst I am under his roof. I am trying really hard not to react to him when he calls me names or for example, (detail removed by moderator). I am trying to avoid him but finding it hard not to defend myself or react. He knows I am heartbroken over the relationship ending (I feel silly for saying it considering he is abusive) and I feel he is using this to his advantage, he is still acting like we are together at times by saying he wants to hug and touch me and I am finding it hard to say no at times as I still love him. I am exhausted and stressed and I feel so weak.
I just dont know how to behave for my sanity in this situation where for the next few months I have to stay.
Thank you all x
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Hi Ridingthewaves
Welcome to the forum! I hope you find it a supportive place to be.
I am sorry to hear about your situation, it must be so hard still living with the perpetrator who is being very abusive to you, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. I wonder if you have considered staying in a refuge or asking the council for help with accommodation? You could also think about getting some support, there are local domestic abuse services who you could get in touch with for help through this, you can find their details here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat
service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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Do you have to stay there? Could you rent somewhere the dog isn’t allowed but pick him/her up for walks. I understand the love for a pet but sharing 50/50 will keep you tied to this man and living in a difficult situation, this may sound harsh but is the dog worth it? You could get another once you buy your home. I know that’s easier said that done but worth a thought
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Hello Ridingthewaves, have you looked into maybe a short term foster home for your dog? Places like the Dogs Trust offer services like this for people in your situation. http://www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/freedom-project/freedom-project
As for advise on how to cope, remember this isn’t going to be forever so don’t lose hope. Reach out to people who will support you and try to separate your routines if you can. Small steps might be all you can do at the moment but at least they are in the right direction. So an hour out walking your dog on your own or listening to your favourite songs and singing along whilst he’s out are little wins. I really hope this helps 🙂 -
I am wondering if my plan I have in my head will work. Its one of those situations is it me . So if I keep my head low and hardly speak then that then will stop me getting into any bother at home . I just do everything he asks , agree with everything he says how hard can it be .
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Maybe I’ll be down right fed up but it keeps the peace .
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