This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #85371
     Kathleen 
    Participant

    Hi, I’m new to this and don’t know where to start. I’ve been with my partner for a few years and have 2 young children together.
    I noticed in the first year of our relationship there was controlling signs as he would always be horrible about my friends and family and convince me not to see them and to spend all my time with his instead. He would always accuse me of cheating and would make me feel bad for working. Just as I got the courage to leave I found out I was pregnant. He spent the whole pregnancy accusing me of having an affair and even made me spend my last money from work on a dna test which he’s since accused me of tampering with. After a few months I went back to work part time but decided to test full time and asked him to take (detail removed by moderator). Within the first few days I had to rush home because he rang me sending threats. My job got worried for the safety of our child and contacted social services. They were involved for a while and kept telling me to stay away from him as he was showing signs of abuse. He even once threatened to kill us if I left. I ignored them and went back to him. He was okay for a few months and then as soon as I got pregnant with our second child he lost it. We were trying for a while so I didn’t understand what was going on. A few weeks in I felt really unwell and he even went mad at me, told me I was lying and left. I collapsed and luckily my(detail removed by moderator) found my phone so I could ring an ambulance as I landed on my back and couldn’t move. We found out there was a problem with my (detail removed by moderator) and meant my baby could be born at any time as I would get braxton hicks a lot. Everytime I got one he didn’t believe me until he could time them. I had to have a lot of scans and even had to be induced as my baby wasn’t growing. He again didn’t believe me and almost didn’t come to the birth. Since I gave birth the control has got out of hand. He left work and has constant accused me of talking to other people. He doesn’t let me leave the house by myself, will sleep all day then will wake up and go out until whatever time he pleases. If I even ask to go out for a f*g he accuses me of all sorts. I’ve tried to leave a lot recently and even have mine and my children’s bags packed but he tells me he’s going to kill himself or me or the children or smash the house up, he just goes crazy and scares me into staying. I’ve spoken to a few people in authority including the police whose told me because we have a joint tenancy I can leave but won’t get help and because he doesn’t have family he has to stay. I need help to leave, I’m so scared if anyone can give me advice please do. I’m sorry this is so long but it’s as brief as I can make it.

  • #85372
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Have you contacted your local women’s aid? They were a great support and can liaise with housing or a refuge. The council have a duty to rehome victims of domestic abuse. Abuse often escalates with childbirth when we are really vulnerable. These nasty cowards see that as a weakness and the abuse increases. He sounds extremely dangerous. Threatening suicide is just another tactic to control you. You need to leave without him knowing. Perhaps a refuge would be a good safe place to start. If he threatens suicide the. Ring 999 and let the ambulance men deal with him. I bet he changes his mind quickly when faced with sectioning. These men are liars. Don’t believe a word he says. What you’ve gone through is horrendous and your children too. You all deserve to be safe and happy x keep reaching out for help. Have you had legal advice about having him removed using an occupation order or non molestation order. Ring Rights of Women for free advice. I’d also recommend the helpline number on here for good advice.

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