Weekend contact -not returning 🙁

[Anon123]

Yet again my ex has not returned my child-it’s now not going to be the right day -let alone ever at the right time-despite having school tomorrow.Court let him get away with everything. Feel like I have such a worthless court order in that he breaks it all, I take it to court, judge lets him get away with it and then he behaves even worse. All those years of going to court were a waste of time and upset.
Feel like I can’t fall any lower, feel bad for child as they were expecting to be home today.
So he’s still totally in control of what happens. It’s so wrong and no one does anything. Even social services will be stopping their involvement soon as child refuses to speak up. Police incidents he gets away with. Wish someone would see how he is.
How does anyone else cope. Wish I could pretend I don’t care when they return but I do. I look forward to seeing them and to know they are okay.

[Serenity]

Hi Anon,

I can really sympathise.

It might help you to gather advice from a few people.

I telephoned Family Lives and the NSPCC, and the sound advice they gave me helped me form a decision about which way to cope with my situation.

It’s really worth talking to these people, especially the NSPCC, as you can speak directly to a children’s psychologist or counsellor.

X

[KIP.]

I’m not sure but if there is a court order in place could you call the police?
Or tell him to pick the kids up a day later next time to make up for the time you lost? I don’t know your situation so I’m just throwing some ideas out there. Next time he returns them late make sure you are out. That way he has to keep them longer when it doesn’t suit him. Or just ignore his pettiness, he’s trying to get a reaction from you. Smile and say thanks for keeping them longer, I had a great time and managed to catch up on things 😃

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Sending u hug, they really are (detail removed by Moderator), i think we have to just keep going somehow , yes sayign thx u for having children a day longer will really wind him up but remain calm, as kip said they do want a reaction oouot of us, then just give your kids massive hug when they are indoors and spend the extrra time. Its not fair how they mess kids routine, try and remain calm and say ok can u drop them of to school tommrow than as they will be staying with u and then maybe get court order ammended so he can only have kids fri eve till sat eve based on reason kids school routine is interefered with

[Anon123]

Thank you so much serenity for your advice. I was struggling with having no reply on here either so thank you. I contacted nspcc and they were really helpful and told me to also contact out of hours social services.
It’s really awful as I don’t actually mind when they return but it’s the not knowing and the control he has by making me wait in all day. I wish he would just stick to a certain time.
Has your situation improved with regard to child arrangements.

[Anon123]

Great idea with saying I’m pleased to have caught up on things.( I have done all the ironing! )I guess being grateful will really annoy him and so I definitely will remember this when I open the door. Will remember to be ultra calm as I’m always fearful of his behaviour.
Also it means I can’t have anyone waiting when he’s dropping off as they could be here all day and that’s how I nearly got hurt again last time. S.services said to have someone here but don’t see what I can do. Worse when meeting in a public place as he hurt me in a supermarket car park with people around (who did nothing ),
I really appreciate your input as I feel so alone I’ve text ‘friends’but they haven’t even replied.

[Serenity]

Hi Anon,

Ironically, my ex returned my son tonight half an hour late.

I acted grey rock and like I hadn’t noticed.

I think, to them, you need to act bored and uninterested. However, back this up with getting advice. Let the professionals deal with him directly.

Yes, my ex still tries to pull a fast one now and again, but on the whole, if he gets little reaction, he behaves better.

Remember, act like a graceful swan ( paddling under the surface).

[Anon123]

He turned up in the end (detail removed by moderator) hrs later than he said, phoning me to say he where he was (which was a really close location ) but actually he wasn’t there and it was (detail removed by moderator)hrs after that.
I know it’s mind games as he kept me waiting, thinking I couldn’t do anything that would make noise incase I didn’t hear the door knocking /get to the door quickly and then he would do what he did before and drive off again with the child and also other times involved my family.
I still feel drained by this now -doesn’t help with lack of sleep as Child is so clingy, angry, wants to kill me! Or the other extreme of needing to hold the strings on my jumper or my hair!
I just don’t know where I’m going. Trying to take it easy today as feel so tired.
Any ideas?

[older lady]

Can contact be organised around school? He picks up from and drops off to school? Then he would be messing about an impartial, third party with a register for a record. Your child will not see you anxious, you will be able to contact school that child is there without getting abuse, and your child will see third party disapproval of his timekeeping and know it’s not just mum that feels that way, when dad tries to make out it’s just you. Also, you get a weekend not taken up with waiting. I don’t know. I know you probably want your child safely home as soon as possible and I don’t know in what other way he might abuse this situation. I believe this issue is prevalent and will remain so if courts don’t respond effectively. Xx

[Author]

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