Viewing 11 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #75902
      HeasvHeart
      Participant

      We haven’t even fully separated yet (still need to sort the house out) and I know I could (and have before) make an excuse to get in touch…. scared of how sad and lost I’ll feel when it’s all fully done and we never speak again 😢. That being said the urge does get less but I have no idea when the sad cloud will lift.
      Just needed to get it out and I know this is the best place xx

    • #75903
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s going to get better, I promise you. Time and zero contact is a great healer and I know what you’re talking about. Weekends for me were terrible too in the beginning. That will pass and you will start to fill your weekends with wonderful trips and meet new and old friends. It’s just going to take time and a little pain and sadness on the way but no experience is wasted if we learn from it. Book something for next weekend. Even if it’s a coffee at a friends or relative. Get your nails done. Put something in the calendar that you can look forward to. I know you may still be in a place where nothing looks or feels good. That will pass. Just keep going and taking baby steps and rekindle hobbies and interests that you lost along the way.

    • #75914
      Peacethroughhealing
      Participant

      I understand completely what you mean. I met up with my ‘partner’ (detail removed by moderator) in an attempt to start a fresh and move forward. This came from me as he has always wanted to stay together but I have started to hold him at arms length now that I see what he is. Weekends are so difficult and I shouldn’t have met him and just kept no contact. I am a nasty piece of work sometimes apparently amongst other things. He is so angry with me, he has so much anger in his eyes at times. I always crack at the weekends. I said lets move forward and he couldn’t help himself but tell me what he thought of me and how wrong I was and what pain I’d caused…I just sat there and listened in the middle of the restaurant and then he told me he was going abroad with work and I could tell it was to rub it in. He couldn’t go abroad for my birthday but he is managing to go away with work. He is a recovering alcoholic.

    • #75924
      she-ra
      Participant

      Totally agree with KIP, keep busy. See people, start walking – get yourself a good play list. I’m finding music is really helping me. Lots of survival and inspirational music to make me move! I’ve also gone a bit cleaning mad which for me is a release. Think about the things you like to do: reading, gardening, baking, walking, running, crafts, sport, travelling, watching what you want on the tv – I love a crime drama or a box set and can watch them now! Anything that you were never allowed to do. I am making lists and plans to keep my busy. Sometimes I do a backwards list and just write down what I’ve done, even if it’s only little and tick it off, makes me feel better. Ask KIP said no contact and time make you stronger. Good luck my lovely and keep posting. x*x

    • #75943

      she-ra
      I too do a ‘backwards’ list

      reason being, I tend to underestimate and discount what I do sometimes, so
      if I look back at what I have already done, i.e. since 7 in the morning, it helps
      me be kind to myself.

      Yes, weekends are tough, even now I find,

      I was/am not used to actually doing things I enjoy, (used to spend my Saturday nights till ten at night cooking in a tiny kitchen to save money and stash things in the freezer…yes, really…)

      Advice from me – now is the time to start planning things at the weekend, as the others say:

      if you are not able to go out there are some inspiring films about women rebuilding their lives on Netflix, not so good as real life…
      but helps sometimes..

      Had you thought about getting an allotment? if you put your name down now it would take a while but perhaps doable with a friend? new adventure?

      ftc
      x

    • #75945
      she-ra
      Participant

      Ah Freedom to choose it’s such a good thing to do isn’t, brilliant to see what you’ve actually achieved in a day as opposed to feeling rubbish if you haven’t crossed everything off. I am terrible for never ending things to do lists. Maybe finding a happy place too, mine’s the beach. Just going there sometimes helps and makes you feel a little lighter. xx

    • #75956

      yes. beach good.
      ftcx

    • #75973
      HeasvHeart
      Participant

      Thanks ladies.
      I have been making plans and I have plans for the next few weekends and it definitely helps.
      I just feel really sad because he’s the person I would tell about my day or often share it with.
      He didn’t stop me doing anything and we did a lot together so I feel quite lost.
      Fortunately I haven’t experienced the daily eggshell walking or frequent outbursts. That being said there was a lot I didn’t say because I knew it was pointless and the arguments were always impossible and he has hurt, threatened and intimidated me so I have to keep reminding myself that once is too much so despite it being infrequent, it’s right to separate.
      Thank you again and hope you are all ok. I often feel bad as I don’t feel I have any wisdom or experience to share x

    • #75974
      HeasvHeart
      Participant

      I meant to say as well that I am not living in a place of my own and I hope that helps too. I am with family but it’s not the same as having full control of the remote ☺

    • #76007
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I’m The same as you. Filling my weekends as much as I can, but still feeling lonely a lot. My hopes and dreams died when it all went belly up and even thinking about stuff like Xmas makes me so sad, i cant bear it. I’m just doing the day yo day thing still; I know time will help.

    • #76012
      Peacethroughhealing
      Participant

      Landy I agree too. The weekends are so hard and he broke my heart and completely floored me when he changed from the man I thought he was. I would have spent my life with him – no disrespect to my previous partners but something was different with him and I was so in love with him. We made all these plans and one of which was to live together and now I don’t even want to be alone with him in my own house for fear. I agree re your hopes and dreams. He has destroyed the dreams I had of us making a life together. Yes there were little flashes of abuse down the line but I excused it and now he has got worse and worse and I know it’s not right to be with a man like that.

    • #76043
      fridges
      Participant

      First, it will be hard, very hard, but trust you will feel better with time. I guarantee you. Think about how nice it will be to do things what you wanted to do for a long time, but could not! And if you do not know what to do with your time and where you belong, then it would be a perfect time to discover who you truly are!
      I advise you to create your support network to help you to deal with the loneliness and think about activities to make you feel less lonely. I know it can be scary to walk to a new life, but it will be beneficial for you and do not be afraid of this lonely period. Time to take the bad stuff from your life and substitute with the good stuff.

Viewing 11 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditions │ Privacy & cookie policy │ Site map │ Protect yourself online│ Media │ Jobs │ Accessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content