This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Letsgetout 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #70073
     Letsgetout 
    Participant

    Sorry all but I contacted him today. I have been through merry he’ll he has sucked me straight back into the cycle. I am not back living there but just in contact.
    I’m so sorry but in a sort of sick way cause I have spoken to him I feel some what relaxed it’s most odd. I feel so guilty but a relef. But now what do I do I’m back on the string.x*x

  • #70094
     Rebirthaftertrauma 
    Participant

    Hi, I can totally understand why you made contact and the sense of relief. It’s hard but reinstate no contact.
    Someone on the forum suggested that I read about trauma bonding which has helped me to start to understand and put my emotions in context – love isn’t abuse (in my head it’s still a battle – I’m not perfect, maybe it’s me, maybe he will change etc). Am constantly trying to keep busy (with low mood and lack of motivation this is challenging) to avoid making contact. I find writing helpful, I find it easier to challenge my thoughts once they are on paper, just an idea? X

  • #70118
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    three steps forward, two steps back love.
    Still equals one step forward.
    How many of us understand this
    big hug ftc
    x

  • #70120
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Letsgetout, it’s okay, don’t be too hard on yourself.๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ Definately look into trauma bonding , it’s so hard to break, logically its easy, emotional not a fu…ng chance. But with support and doing other stuff, you will get there.
    Their control of us took ages before we stopped using our free will. Yes we still have it, but we always put his feelings emotions before ours, so that is a habit that will take time to break. I hear my OH’s words in my head all the time, I actually speak his words in certain situations, brainwashed, yet I’d be the first to say rubbish, no I’m not.
    You know the cycle of abuse, you’re in contact BUT not living together again. That’s good. Try to minimise the contact, he’s not going to change no matter what he says or promises. I’ve been on here a while now, not one lady has posted that her partner has changed for the better, not one.๐Ÿ˜”
    You’ve recognised you’re feelings, it’s up to you where you go next, you have choices๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ช
    IWMB ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

  • #70172
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Your feelings are going to say backward and forwards that’s natural โ˜บI think our brains go into denial mode or maybe disbelief mode is a better way of putting it? Your just registering that your hopes for the future have no credibility any more. You can loose faith at this point and grasp at the wee fragments that are left. Cut yourself some slack, take your time and try to start over your no contact. It will get easier, don’t blame yourself because what you’ve conquered already takes great strength xx you can do it just keep going one step at a time. We’re there with you to support and guide you xx ๐Ÿ’• DIY โœŒ sister suffragettes ๐Ÿ’ช

    • #70344
       Letsgetout 
      Participant

      Thank you much a very deep message. Ito so hard isn’t it when you see the charmer but the words of nicety only pop out now and then. I struggle to understand why he is like this why. I feel sorry for him. It’s sad to watch him be an a******e.
      Thank you hun big hugs.x*x

  • #70177
     LozzyX 
    Participant

    Thank you for being honest about the releif…I havent taken the step of actually leaving yet .. but all of this is helping me to prepare and hopefully be as guarded as possible from the hold he has over me when I do eventually leave..

    I used to feel relief when we made up after horrible arguments where he would give me the silent treatment and bad mood swings.. but since I have recognised his abusive ways these tricks of his no longer work and I don’t feel releif I feel hope that it’s my chance to escape… But yes I do think I will struggle when I leave with the no contact .

  • #70182
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    In my first days off no contact and sticking to it, I wrote down a plan for the week. I gave myself no time to over think. I must admit I was exhausted at the end of that week! But boy I had caught up with every friend I had, tidied my cupboards. I kept myself so busy I was actually able to sleep, and all night eventually. There’s lots of things you could try. Make a list of stuff you like to do. In that first week arrange some counselling. Have a routine too I think that really helps xx ๐Ÿ’• DIY โœŒ sister suffragettes ๐Ÿ’ช

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