2nd November 2018 at 7:13 am #66494
I’m hoping to go to a refuge soon if a space becomes available. What are the rules when staying in one? Some say you cannot continue to work etc. I’m hoping to continue my studies. Will I not be allowed to go back to my university? My eldest teen daughter does not want to leave her school. Will she be allowed to continue going to the same school if safety measures are put in place? I know we cannot allow visitors or disclose our location. Can we continue to visit family members or do we have to cut all ties? Is there a curfew? Must we go back to the refuge every night? What will happen to mail and deliveries? Will we get a post box for mail to be delivered to? What happens in terms of new schools, childcare and nurseries for my younger to children? Will we get assistance for them or do we have to organise this alone? Will it take long? Will we have to change all phone numbers etc? Are there support workers who live on the premises or are we left there alone through the night? Do we bring food with us? How do we arrange storage of other belongings? What will happen long term with housing/resettlement?…so many questions. Thanks in advance
2nd November 2018 at 9:53 am #66496freedomtochooseParticipant
tis some years since I went, but I’ll have a go at saying how it was for me…and child.
1. Ours had a P.O. box address for the office, which was not identifiable place wise – location I mean and therefore relatives I wanted to be in touch with could send stuff there. Obviously location of refuge remained secret.
2. You have to be careful with the GPS on your phone. i.e. have a separate contact phone for your ex if needing to arrange contact for child, but don’t worry about that in the first instance.
3. Can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t continue going to uni…however some refuges depend on benefits income and housing benefit, understandably, so you may need to negotiate a break from uni which you should be able to do with evidence for the welfare department, of your uni, it may be better for you to take a break for a year til your new life is sorted and on the way.
4. Re school – they will put continuity first. However change of location may be necessary, I understand it is unusual to be put in a refuge near where you live now. It wouldn’t really make sense especially not if you want to put some distance between you and your ex.
5. Curfew, no, you don’t have to be in refuge every night. However if you are out more than a certain number of nights a week , obviously they will question why you need refuge in the first place…
6. You do not need to bring anything apart from yourselves. If you can that is good obviously but since safety is paramount it may be better to leave before you gather stuff. We arrived with twenty quid and nothing else…
7. In ours there were office staff during the day there, a children’s worker (who could look after kids if you need to go to urgent appoitnments etc. ). When office workers left there was a 24 hour contact number for a support worker who was on call in case of emergencies and she would be able to turn up in ten minutes flat.
8. They should help you with housing/resettlement i.e signing up for register. Try to hold out for social housing. Better conditions than private renting.
9. Good luck, Hope you enjoy your time in refuge. Some are quite nice. Ours was fairly basic I guess but support workers very good. I have heard that they have less support workers available in some places, but in the main I think it depends on how much you need.
2nd November 2018 at 3:03 pm #66499
Thanks for your reply ftc.
We would be some way away from our current location but it would still possibly be commutable for my teen daughter to get to school for some familiarity, or at least until we could find another suitable school. I guess we would have to see when the time comes as not sure of exact location yet.
I was asking about the curfew as depending on when we move I did have some weekend breaks booked for me and the girls. ( I would often try to go away just to get away from my situation ) and was nor sure if that would be allowed.
2nd November 2018 at 4:06 pm #66503Twisted SisterParticipant
Yes, we took took time away, and others booked annual holidays, or stayed away with friends. Our support workers, reasonably I think, would like to know you are on a planned away trip, as due the nature of everyone’s situation,we would all be worrying if anyone was ‘missing’ and police would have to be involved. it wasnt OK to just send a text after as its something thatban abusive ex would do if they got hold of you.
It can feel a bit like exchanging one set of restrictions for another! But these are there for your safety, its different.
We didn’t have a curfew, and alchohol was allowed.
The concern with schools is the known location which can be followed back from.
You can pay rental in refuge, if you are earning, or apply for benefits,same as out of refuge, but you have homeless status, and you will support to manage this.
Good luck with your preparations. Ask if there is anything else.
Warmest wishes ts
No visitors, no, but no restrictions on meeting g outside.
Po box address, then sorted by refuge into own accommodation or mail box.
3rd November 2018 at 9:26 am #66524
Thank you Twisted Sister for your reply
I’m trying to sort a list of essentials to bring.
If you both had children what did you bring for them? Did it take long to sort out school places? When you were rehouse was it in the refuge area of further out? We’re you able to choose the area you wanted to settle? We’re you happy with the support you had access to? We’re there any conflicts amoung the other guests?
3rd November 2018 at 1:30 pm #66530Twisted SisterParticipant
Mine wasnt planned, so nothing. We all just rocked up and were taken care of.
There was enough to eat for a weekend and some basic toiletry supplies.
The support workers were really caring.
I wish you every strength for your escape.
Warmest wishes ts
3rd November 2018 at 9:32 pm #66533freedomtochooseParticipant
Hello there love,
Just make the move.
Try not to worry.
You will find as I did that the moment you are in refuge you will probably start to sleep better and feel safer. So therefore will be better able to deal with challenges that come your way.
Looking back I actually regret I distanced myself from other women in refuge. I could have found more friends. That is also an opportunity.
Every strength for your new start
4th November 2018 at 8:03 pm #66563
I’m already looking at services in the area such as schools, childcare, pharmacies, supermarkets, train stations etc… When we’re you told the exact location of your refuge? They said i should call on Monday and the move may be (Detail removed by Moderator). Do you think i will be told tomorrow? It would help a little with planning. I like to be organised. Thanks again
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