What did you tell people?

[Discombobulated2022]

Evening all,

Wondering what you tell people about the end of your relationships?
I was insistent that we tell the children some truths in that some of the relationship is unhealthy and not ok so are splitting.
But what about everyone else? Mutual friends, teachers, school parents, work colleagues etc?
I refuse to be ashamed and also refuse to keep his secrets and protect him. I also don’t agree that DA should be taboo. But I’m also mindful of “talking ill” of the children’s father. I’ve started saying “because he’s not very nice to me” . I think if he starts telling mutual people tall stories, it may trigger a disclosure from me.

[Anonymous]

I think where children are involved yes you do need to be careful, I didn’t have children with my ex so I didn’t have that issue , my family and friends had already seen him for what he was , but I think for you the way you are handling it is acceptable. Your not protecting him remember that , your protecting your children from being further hurt or dragged into something they don’t need to be . End of the day he will play you as the abuser , himself as victim , you know the truth , you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone . Your children and yourself are your priority.

[Hereforhelp]

When my teenagers asked me questions when I finally got their dad out I answered their questions. We also now talk about red flags in relationships.

Because my (removed by moderator) experienced his emotional, financial and bullying tactics they were already aware things were not right. Also, when I put myself between my abusive husband and other men ( he would be fighting!) I would get hurt separating him from men he wanted to fight!

So for me I am honest and open about relationships and answer all the questions I can. I personally think the freedom programme should be taught in schools so all kids are aware of what’s healthy in a relationship and what isn’t.

No point not discussing it with kids in my opinion (if they are old enough to understand) especially if they experienced some of the abuse.

I told the schools, my GP, Police… everyone who could help me and my children to stay safe xx
❤

[Cosmicasca]

Just that it didn’t work out. I live in a very small town, so I only tell people anything more than that on a need to know basis.

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you all so much. Your words are really helpful and appreciated xx

[Mellow]

I’ve split with my partner we still live together but I’ve slowly been telling the kids that I’m leaving because of his behaviour and that some things he does are not nice it was funny because one child said you don’t have to be with him.so he knew I didn’t have to accept it thank god .because my ex has been telling a different story to me and saying he’s ended it and he mentioned telling them something else I won’t let him get away with it he’s a vile person and my kids especially girl will know I don’t want them listening to his lies saying it’s all my fault yet again they have even seen evidence of some of it and my ex was upset I thought why are you upset you did it he goes through getting angry then trivialising what he did and invalidating what he’s done he makes me sick hope your well rid the next hurdle is contact he’s already threatened me should another man be around

[Author]

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