What do I do?

[Confused-and-alone]

So (detail removed by Moderator) we had another kick off – apparently about the c**p tea I had made after he had had a long day at work but actually about the fact that he’s worked hard and I havnt and I don’t seem to care about him – he is actually right there as I have pulled back and stopped caring. So this morning I was out early and staying out all day – this is something that was prearranged before the fight. But before I left I refused to make up with him and I told him I didn’t think it was working anymore. So do I go back? He has an idea that I might not come home because he told a mutual friend who told me that he thinks I might of left him. But I didn’t say I wasn’t coming home – I don’t know what to do we have kids who are out with me today and have no idea anythings wrong. Do I just stay away? I have somewhere to stay so that’s not a problem – I just feel so bad for him he’s so sad x

[KIP.]

If he’s sad its because he losing his emotional punch bag. Fear Obligation and Guilt. The FOG of abuse. If you took those away would you return? Maybe stay away and get some breathing space till you can think straight? He wasn’t sad when he was abusing you. My ex used to pick fights when I had something good planned. They like to ruin things for us. I ended up not going out for years.

[fizzylem]

So hard when kids are involved trying to keep it all hidden from their view, make it appear everything is ok, isn’t it, when the relationship is on it’s arse. It’s good you’ve got a place to go to that gives you some space for sure. Spending some time here seems like a good plan for now, as you’re safe and out of it for now x

[Iwantmeback]

You only go back if it’s right for you, not him. I can’t believe in the short time I’ve been away, apart from my first real day away when I was crying at the drop of a hat, how much calmer I am, like a weight has been lifted. It’s really, really hard to walk away from decades of a relationship, but sometimes we have no other choice, they aren’t listening to us, they don’t realise what they’re really doing, and if they do and are doing this out of sheer malice, why would we want to go back. I’m truly loving being on my own, I miss my dogs but don’t miss being responsible for everything and getting no recognition for it apart from negativity. Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Nova]

Hi..sounds tough for you, be careful about discussing that you are leaving. Perps get..all , fake, emotional..the love bombing/hoovering starts..which no doubt you know all about, part of the abuse cycle, to drag you back in.

If you are making a decision to leave.. make it all safe and sorted for you with all the support and protection for you and your children in place first. 🙂

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