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    • #40527

      I’m not long out of my abusive relationship and each day is a struggle with ptsd type symptoms as well as periods of feeling at peace each day. I realised he had made me ill and I thought about how when you’re ill in hospital people often bring you gifts, flowers etc to help you feel better during your recovery.

      So I decided to focus on treating myself like I would a person in hospital and be extra kind and generous. So far I have bought myself:

      A bunch of tulips and daffodils
      A beautiful blue ceramic bowl
      A lovely new pen
      A practical yet stylish things to do pad to help me keep focused each day

      Each gift cost very little but I feel they are helping guide me on my way and reminding me about self care and self love. I wondered if any of you did/are doing the same thing and if so it’d be great to hear what gifts you bought yourself which helped you on your way?

    • #40536

      A lovely post Sunshine,

      I’ve bought myself a few bunches of flowers (that reminds me – I need to replace the last lot)
      A nice smelly candle
      A dress and handbag
      And healthy food – have quite enjoyed not havingto have meat with *every* meal.
      I think I’d like a nice ring next – might sell the wedding/engagement rings to pay for it!


    • #40611

      Yay great ideas we really need to spoil ourselves after the nightmare we have been through
      big hugs xx

    • #40614

      I bought a beautiful pair of Kurt Geiger shoes, admittedly they were used to go to (detail removed by Moderator) but I thought if I’m buying shoes they’re gonna be great shoes – I have worn them since πŸ™‚ I buy flowers often and treat my son.

    • #40624

      I’m so glad you are all treating yourselves too. Dragonfly I love Kurt Geiger shoes they are gorgeous, I have also decided to treat myself to a pair of heels since I haven’t bought any in ages and I think they are always a good confidence boost.

      Iwillbeok what a great idea to buy yourself a new ring with the money from the wedding ring sale, it can represent your new life. I’ve read a few things about ‘self partnering’ and it reminds me of that, it could represent your new commitment to yourself πŸ™‚

    • #40735

      What a lovely post.

      I have recently bought myself:

      A short trip abroad ( took kids too)
      A lovely silver necklace
      A lovely soft blue cardigan
      Plants for the garden and front of the house
      Healthy food
      A gym membership
      New makeup
      A footstool to rest my weary feet whilst I am watching my tv programme, cup of tea in hand!

    • #40741

      Serenity I love the idea of the footstool for putting your feet up with a cup of tea, I think the government should give these out to all women escaping these dreadful men. In fact they should create gift boxes for us all to help us on our way! I have continued the self care this week and can add to my list:

      A beautiful blue throw for my bed
      An ornamental candle that reminds me of my healing journey ahead
      A pair of stylish yet comfortable shoes to replace my rather depressing old trainers

      I realised by the end of the relationship that my abusive ex was tightest, meanest creature I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing and I used to worry he’d think I was spending too much money. It brings me so much joy to treat and be generous to myself now and to reconnect with the big and little things in life that make me happy. πŸ™‚

    • #40743
      Peaceful Pig

      I bought myself a beautiful necklace when my decree absolute came through. It was quite an achievement for me to spend that much money on something so frivolous just for me. It really expresses my personality and I love wearing it because it’s a symbol of freedom and loving myself xx

    • #40969

      Hi everyone. I like this post so thought I’d bump it up.
      I don’t have much money as I’m now a student (my first gift to me) but love my hobbies so if I can’t afford an actual gift I revel in the very though that I’m free to do what I want and it not be commented on.

      Happy freedom ladies ☺

    • #40975

      Hello Ladies, love this post

      Got myself a holiday and a reconnect with my sister! Yay
      ..v important ..I know you ladies know why
      Some heels ( Dragonfly oh KG heels πŸ’™!…sounds great!)
      Jewellery and the option of choosing for myself is the best! Xx C

    • #40978

      I absolutely love this post 😊. It’s given me some positivity whilst I’m feeling pretty low. I am waiting for him to pay half my costs for the divorce so when that comes through I might too treat myself to something. I like the necklace that you mention it’s something visual you can see everyday and isn’t something that needs to be replaced. I might buy myself an expensive ring which symbolises my freedom and everytime I feel low I can look at it and see how far I’ve come. Thanks ladies you’ve given me something positive to Google and ponder over as opposed to my sad thoughts to obsess over!! I may use the rest of that money to spend on a gokiday I’ve booked it’s a while away but it will feel even better if I know he’s paid towards it lol!!!!!! Xxxx

    • #41720

      Hi ladies. Been surviving for (detail removed by moderator) now. Been a bumpy road but feel I’m gaining strength.
      I’ve always wanted a campervan so used my savings to get myself one!
      Its now my project to do it up. Recover seats. Make new curtains. My adventure and future awaits.
      I find all these posts helpful or encouraging. Or to know I’m not alone reassuring

      Wish I found this (detail removed by moderator) tho!

      • #41723

        I love that you have bought yourself a campervan and are doing it up, what an awesome fabulous project! It reminds me of this book I read about a woman who quits her job and turns an old van into a mobile library and takes it to festivals and things.

        What an exciting project and adventure πŸ™‚

    • #41725

      Lovely ideas 😊 I have bought tons of music! There are some tunes I listen to and feel liberated and they remind me of my freedom!! Candi Statons ‘young hearts run free’ was about her experience of dv and is a message to us which sometimes I listen to when I’m low and by the end feel so much better. x*x

    • #41730

      Love this post! I bought some lovely flowers today to brighten up my house and a couple of lovely candles as I find when I am feeling low for some reason a lovely candle makes me feel better. Also my old glasses were looking pretty shabby so I went and bought myself some really cool frames that I cant wait to wear. My partner hated me wearing my glasses but now I will wear them all the time. Holding onto any positivity I can find right now so this post really helped and I loved reading about all the things you all bought x*x

      • #41760

        The glasses sound great, it’s always good to have something that revives our identity and represents who we are and want to be rather than who other people want or expect us to be. I also think it helps build our confidence and say to the world ‘I am here, I am a good person, I am beautiful, I am strong and like everyone else I deserve love and respect’ like we are standing our ground and taking our place in the world. And you can’t go wrong with flowers and candles! πŸ™‚

    • #41731

      Oh and I too have thought about buying myself a really lovely ring when I do get round to selling my wedding ring. At the moment too painful to think about but a great idea iwillbeok xx

    • #41763

      I’m so glad we are all treating ourselves, I think our self esteem and confidence gets so knocked by these abusive types that we end up feeling like sad and frightened shadows of our former selves. We need to do anything we can to bring ourselves back to the world, anything that helps us reconnect with our true selves (not who the abuser wanted us to be) so that we can again be full of life and colour and joy and beauty. This week I am adding to my list:

      A massage with a lovely therapeautic massage therapist

      My friend retrained in massage therapy and she is amazing, I always feel so uplifted and calm after going for a massage with her so I’ve booked in for the first time since escaping my relationship. I have a lot of physical aches and pains from the stress, fear, anxiety so I’m really looking forward to it.

      What else do you have to add to your lists? I hope you are all continuing to treat yourselves πŸ™‚

    • #41785

      I love candi staton!
      I could do with new glasses myself actually
      Sunshine rain flower can you remember the author? I love to read as it quiets my mind!
      Hope you enjoy your massage that’s something lovely to look forward too.

    • #43108

      Hi everyone,

      I’d forgotten about this thread and thought I’d bump it since it’s cheerful and positive. I have recently found the most comfortable trainers in the world and these are my ‘starting my new life’ trainers to replace my old depressing ones, so I’m adding them to my list πŸ™‚

      Has anyone treated themselves to any nice gifts or treats lately?

      Ladyglittersparkles the book is called The Bookshop on the Corner by Jennie Colgan, it’s a really cheerful read. You’ve reminded me to go visit the library to find more happy inspiring books for the summer so thanks for that!

    • #43111

      When i left my abusive relationship i took his possession as he peed me off .. i sold everything… it went towards decorating my flat .. and buying stuff I wanted .. never been so happier without the slime ball

    • #43112

      Oh and I got a tattoo broke free bracelet 😁😁😁

    • #43128

      I got a tattoo too! It is a permanent reminder of what was past and my future to come.

    • #43130

      Im new to this group. I was approved this morning. So many years I spent hiding things I was sure I would not be allowed to buy. toys, stuff for me.
      I even had to wrap his gifts he bought for himself for xmas, he had bought none for me.
      Since the move forward, I’ve endulged myself with stuff I always wanted- pretty dresses, nice scarves, and toys for the children. new shoes, not hidden. make up.
      makes me feel good to be alive. never thought id be in this place I am in now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel at last…
      and now ive found a support network which I was told about by womensaid last night. all is good in the world for me right now. I have the power and the control and the freedom to buy what I like and make decisions I want to make. thank god

    • #43167

      I absolutely love this post ladies! I bought myself a necklace recently & once I have everything sorted & I am back on my own, I will be putting the wheels in motion to move elsewhere.
      I have so many friends and family who are more than willing to help me do this.
      I have to say I am really looking forward to my new life ahead of me.

    • #43896

      Hi everyone,

      I just wanted to do a gift update to remind us all to put self care at the top of our lists! This week I treated myself to:

      1. A piece of rose quartz bought from my local museum shop for just over a pound. It represents Love and also for me Boundaries, as it is blocky and has straight edges which is helpful for me as I still need to learn how to have and enforce my boundaries better.

      2. I’ve also been really enjoying trying on millions of pairs of shoes after living in some depressing old trainers and boots for years! I have bought a nice pair of leather shoes which are smart and comfortable and stylish and for me represent high self esteem, worthyness and also employment.

      What have you been treating yourselves too? Doesn’t have to be monetary, could just be that you made a fabulous cake just for yourself or made the best cup of tea ever! πŸ™‚

    • #43921

      I bought myself a really nice and soft towel (which was quite expensive). I was dreaming of a nice towel for a year!!
      Also, room fragrance diffuser.
      And books. I read a lot recently, and I have bought quite a lot of books!!!!
      A day after the incident when I was so happy to be alive, I treated myself with Hotel Chocolat chocolate.
      I also really want to have a tatoo, which would symbolise freedom, but I dont know when I will pull my courage for that. And I am planning to buy a nice ring, which I need to save for πŸ™‚

    • #43930

      I love how many people buy flowers! I only have a wee room at the moment, but one of the first things I did was buy a couple of really cheap vases and I have bought myself a steady supply of flowers to fill them. Mostly from the reduced section of my local supermarket, where I can pick them up for as little as 30p if I go at the right time, but this week I splurged and spent a tenner on roses and freesias. They are beautiful and are bringing me a lot of joy. They make me proud of myself because roses are some of my favourite flowers, but my abuser started buying them for me when he realised I was considering leaving, so it has taken me a while to get over that association. This is the first time since breaking up that I have bought them.

    • #43931

      I know exactly what you mean about roses Tiffany, my abuser bought me red roses for Valentines day and at the time even though I was deep in denial I remember a faint whisper of a thought in my head (that I of course pushed aside ) that there was something slightly creepy/abuserish about this bunch of red roses. I think for me it was because my intuition was picking up that he had bought them to manipulate me as the previous week he had been abusive, and also the lack of creativity in the bunch he bought me, the cheapness of this particular bunch, and also because I’d had a stalker at uni who once left a red rose outside my door. I guess with roses they can be quite scary if they are given to us by a scary/creepy person, or wonderful if they are given to us by a good person, including ourselves! I love seeing roses growing outside and they only have positive associations for me there, I think it’s only cut red roses that trigger me due to my experiences with them so far. Glad you are treating yourself, I think I need to seek out some budget flower sellers too!

      • #66186

        Hi there, my favourite roses are yellow ones. I prefer yellow flowers too, its such a happy colour. Im still with my husband ,but have made the conscious choice to end this relationship at some point in time. Im always getting pulled up on buying things for myself or the house,(youve no money, why do you waste it on c**p) what i now do is put the money away to my leaving fund. Seeing it mount up makes me very happy and proud of my achievement.
        Spending time on ours4lves is one of the best gifts we can give, we forget how to do it, so reading how well you are all treating yourselves is truly lifting me upπŸ˜€
        I recently bought colouring pencils, not much but been meaning to for ages.
        Keep being thoughtful to yourselves ladies. You are ALL amazing
        IWMB πŸ’•πŸ’•

    • #44007
      lover of no contact

      A great post and a great reminder to take action on caring for ourselves (self-care).

      This week I treated myself to a t-shirt, dress and cardigan. Good quality but inexpensive, in a sample clothes sale.

      I also bought myself a natural moisturiser and a natural soap (just slightly more expensive than my supermarket brand!). As part of my self-care, I find it very relaxing caring for my skin cleansing it and moisturising it.

      I also went for a walk by the sea and although I was by myself and mainly surrounded by couples and families I remarked to myself at how far I’d come. This usually triggered lonely and feelings of emptiness in me. But this time I could enjoy the sea, the sunshine, the warmth, the flowers, the colour, the healthy buzz of other people around me. I accepted I was alone enjoying my walk. And I accepted I was not part of a couple. How far I have come. Time does heal.

      Sometimes a good treat for me is to treat myself to an early night! I have a tendency to keep doing and keep going.

    • #44010

      I bought myself a pair of owl earrings because iam wise now .plus iam collecting owls

    • #44011

      So love this post – makes me smile…

      Am planning my tattoo…

      New sheets…

      Some new tops…

      Need some more flowers again, but got myself a new vase…

      More candles and room sprays…

    • #44012

      I bought myself a single duvet and duvet cover set – it gave me a great feeling of moving on!

    • #46604

      Resurrecting this thread because I love it. I bought myself some statement heart earrings to set off my new short haircut. I’d been looking for a pair for a while, after only wearing the ones my abuser bought for years. And they all seemed to be heart shaped and I wanted to avoid that because of being newly single. But I found this pair and was so drawn to them that I bought them without considering symbolism, and I love them and they make me feel great.

    • #46607
      Falling Skys

      Treated myself to sausage sandwich and a coke on the cliffs, looking over the sea with a warm breeze in my hair. Reminds me how lucky I am πŸ™‚ FS x

    • #46618

      Amazing, I was just thinking about this thread this morning and was going to resurrect it myself, it must be a sign, thanks Tiffany! πŸ™‚

      I don’t have much money due to job seeking but this weekend I treated myself to a lovely walk through the woods followed by a cafe trip. I ordered delicious Italian bruschetta with lots of fresh tomatoes and basil followed by a hot chocolate for dessert. It felt like a really nice treat to myself for the bank holiday, and it felt really peaceful to be there alone with some nice food and a book.

    • #46727

      I have kept showering myself with presents since I moved into my new home.
      I now have lots of lovely things and I live a life of luxury, …. at the price of large credit card debts πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
      I have calmed down though and focus now on paying those credit cards.
      I did not even enjoy buying all these things.
      I just wanted to buy everything I ever wanted and could not have and keep them in my place, where I had access to those things whenever I wanted. Lots of those things still have their price tags on and I never looked at them again. They are packed away somewhere.
      I am so glad that I was able to stop buying like that this year.
      I have an issue with flowers and there are some flowers I cannot stand, because he used to buy them for me. He sent me flowers every time he assaulted me. Once someone sent me flowers and I nearly had a heart attack. It was a beautiful expensive bunch of flowers. All what those flowers did was to freak me out every time I looked at them.
      Meanwhile I can tolerate small bouquets of very simple flowers, as long as they are small.
      I am again able to enjoy walks in the park and treating myself to a simple coffee.
      In the end I enjoy the simple things the most, when I am all by myself and surrounded by peace.

      • #66187

        Hi Ayanna, i can really relate to buying ‘stuff’. Ive done it for years, temporary feel Good, but of course it wouldn’t last for long. I too have cut that out. After all there are only so many shoes, bags, clothes you can wear. This is a rwally lovely thread. Im going to dip in to iut more often. Its really made a happy, free life seem possible again😊😊

    • #46763

      I know what you mean about buying lots of stuff just because you can. I felt like doing it when I was in the city we lived together in, I think in an effort to replace the lovely home I had created for the two of us, and all the stuff I abandoned when I left. I was back there recently and had the same feeling – luckily I was able to restrain myself to only buying leggings and t-shirts which I needed. But I love giving gifts, and when I put the same level of effort into buying myself things as I did for him it makes me feel good. This mostly means occasional spontaneous treats and materials to make myself beautiful clothes – normally I make them for others, and use cheap remnants to make things for myself.

    • #49089

      I wanted to resurrect this thread to help us all to remind ourselves to look after ourselves. I was reminded by Tiffany about Serenity’s thread on self parenting and self partnering which I think links well to this. I was also thinking about the way abusers groom us through treats and ‘caring behaviour’ and this often feels addictively good to people who struggle with their own self care for a variety of reasons. We don’t need these losers to give us crumbs, we can provide ourselves with everything we need. This is what I have done for myself:

      – Hired a handyman to fit some nice blinds and curtains for my new place to give me some privacy and feel safe and cosy
      – Picked some lovely autumn flowers from the garden and put them in a vase
      – Bought some cute mini pumpkins for a Halloween/autumn display
      – Went for a sports massage to relieve back pain

      I’m going to take myself out on a walk today as it’s a nice sunny autumn day. What gifts and treats (either monetary or non-monetary) have you given yourself lately? πŸ™‚

      • #74496

        What a beautiful post to read 😁 isn’t self care the best thing in the world?

        I decided to create myself a bohemian sanctuary. So my flat can be full of love and creativity not bad memories. I’ve brought loads, replacing the stiff that I can horrible stuff through and making loads of things. Painting, buying flowers.

        I’ll be skint for ever I really don’t care 😁😁

        I read a post about somebody being a student so couldn’t treat herself loads. My advice would be to run yourself to the gift of your own time.

        Run yourself a romantic bath… candles music, use the shower cream you save for special occasions. Or cook yourself your favourite meal? Sit at the table, eating something that’s not what you would usually do. Put your books down, forgot the house work and go for a walk?

        You ladies are all so amazing and deserve gifts. Thank you all for being you xx

    • #49209

      I bought myself quite pricey shampoo and conditioner to treat my hair…And every time I wash my hair now I get a small sense of joy for allowing myself this luxury.. πŸ™‚
      Also in a few days i am going to have my hair cut and dyed and have my nails done.. These are the things that always uplifts my mood and makes me feel a woman.

    • #49211

      Ive bought some new bed covers then realised I was putting off putting them on the bed as I didn’t want to put them on the old pillows so next treat will be new pillows.

      This thread reminded me I haven’t bought myself flowers for a while…

      I keep looking at cash for gold jewellery places as thinking about selling wedding rings – haven’t gone in yet as wondering whether to wait til divorce goes through first. Then wonder if I’m overthinking it and just to sell them now and buy something later..


    • #51438

      I recently bought myself new bras. I was going just to buy myself a couple of cheap ones as all the bras I had are now at least two sizes too large. I figured basics were enough for now. However when I got to the shop I decided to try on a couple of posh ones too and ended up buying myself a couple of really nice ones instead. No one will see them except me, but I decided that actually I deserve lovely underwear which makes me feel both sexy and comfortable in order to celebrate my new body and my new life. It’s been the first time in a while that I have made that descision to treat myself and it feels good.

    • #51546

      What a wonderful post. Congratulations to all you lovely ladies who have not only left but are learning to live and love yourselves again. Brilliant!
      I’m afraid I’m a bit of a cheat, I’m still working towards my great escape. However as part of my preparations I lost (detail removed by moderator)stone and so bought myself lots of treats this year.
      To be fair I had only had one pair of footwear at a time. Wore them every day til they fell apart then asked permission to buy another cheap pair. As for the clothes I had no choice they kept falling down. But I kept telling him I’d bought items in the sales even though I’d worked extra shifts to pay for them. I said this in front of my son and my husband said. You don’t have to ask or justify buying what you need. It’s about time you had some decent clothes. (I wore very dark, baggy and dowdy clothes on purpose so he wouldn’t pester me)
      So I took him at his word and bought a whole new wardrobe, 2 pairs boots,1 pair of totally ridiculous heels which were only Β£10 and 2 pairs of sandals from charity shop for Β£5 , 3 new bras a dozen pairs of knickers and binned all my torn and tatty old ones! I figured I might as well since I won’t be able to once I’ve left until they manage to force him to give me a divorce and pay me what I’m owed. He’s going to fight with everything he’s got since the only things he cares about are money, power, his image and himself. I’ve also started moisturising again after years and wearing a bit of makeup for Dutch courage as well as dying my hair red!!! Kinda backfired a bit because he was convinced I had a lover. 😬 still, I was feeling better about myself than I had in decades! I haven’t been buying anything for the past few months, saving to leave. They told me there’s a cap on legal aid eligiblity so I went on a spending spree on the weekend buying a microwave, toaster, kettle and iron for the new place. Felt great, but now I’m scared he’ll find them.oh well, never mind. I’ll just have to jump sooner if he does and hope they can help me.

    • #51567

      Recently I have treated myself with a very good hairdresser, colouring my hair. Since my ex abuser was not allowing any visits to do my hair, it become my fetish. I prefer to go very rare to dye my hair, but it will be to the top top salon.
      And I bought on sales very beautiful cardigan, long, the brand of which one i have dreamed for so long. I have left less than 100 pounds to spend until the end of the month, but it is so beautiful, that I’m happy to cut for many days all expenses.
      Books – i buy lots of books to read, to educate myself on the subject of abuse, to understand what I went through, it does help me with confidence, with understanding my feelings and make it right.
      Some important things from the books, i write it down and come back to them, on the days when i feel bad, or upset, or having flashbacks.

    • #51568

      He was thinking, he is allowed to spend on himself, but on me I can not spend anything. He can treat himself with things he wanted, I need to beg from my own money for the things. If I need shampoo, he will shout at me, why i want a better brand, and force me to buy the cheapest, what is available. Before him – if I bought something, it was only high quality, fashionable. With him my ways of life changed too much, and now I give myself treats, when it is possible for me.

    • #51575

      Ah this is such a nice thread, thanks SunshineRainflower for starting it!
      Recently I have treated myself to-
      – 2 new t shirts, one I had wanted for a while but couldn’t afford it before
      – massages (which reminds me I need to book another!)
      – tonight I’m going to a new dance class, it’s a kind of dance I wanted to try years ago but never went
      – like a few others, I’m planning a couple new tattoos (have saved up at long last), one will be around the idea of self love and one will be to mark my time right after I left my ex when I felt such a sense of freedom β™‘
      – the other day I bought a self-help book by someone I really like from YouTube, looking forward to reading it while I wait for counselling to come thru

      I love having flowers but never buy any for myself but reading this thread I am now going to go and treat myself to some β™‘β™‘

    • #51649

      I bought myself some Cadbury’s Tiffin today – an unexpected find while I was shopping! I was criticised constantly in my last relationship if I ever ate chocolate, so I’m glad I found the confidence to go and treat myself without any guilt attached to it. I also bought myself two books from two of my favourite authors earlier this month and I’m currently in the process of buying lots of new music. Music and a good book improve my mood like nothing else can!

      After reading some of the previous replies in this thread, I may get myself some jewellery, a massage or some flowers too…

    • #51653

      Oh I love Cadbury’s Tiffin Shimmy, I don’t think they sell it where I am and it’s a real treat πŸ™‚

      I have been ill in bed with a virus this week so it has been nice to read that many of you have been treating yourselves and see the thread revived. I am looking forward to the sales to pick up some nice cosy pyjamas πŸ™‚

    • #52415

      i feel the loss of my rings when i took them off but my family got together and bought me a pandora bracelet and first charm when i feel scared i feel it there reminding me i have support and love they said that they will fill it up with charms for birthdays ect i feel blessed and dont think i will ever take it off, i like the idea off selling wedding rings ect and using the money to buy a new me ring x

    • #53907

      I started having my nails done every two weeks.
      Had a hair cut today. And enrolled into dance classes (something i used to love ages ago). πŸ™‚

    • #54274

      I’ve been going through a blue period. Have been ill, struggling with work related triggers. I have even been getting moody about Valentine’s Day. I have never given a toss about Valentine’s Day. Not when I was single, and in relationships only when my partner was into it – so not at all with my abuser! But all the adverts have been getting to me. So today I went straight up to the huge display of pink, red and purple flowers in the supermarket and proceeded to buy myself a massive bunch. They are in my bedroom making me feel special. And I am proud of myself.

    • #58320

      Still my favourite positive thread. Today I bought myself some new earrings on the way home from work. I am gradually getting rid of all the jewellery that reminds me of my ex and replacing it with stuff that reminds me to feel good about myself.

    • #58351
      White Rose

      I’ve just bought some BIG pots for my garden, not the practical self watering type we always had, but fancy ones. They look like ceramic but they’re not – I’d never cope with lifting ceramic ones so I have to be a bit practical! They’re way too modern for his taste and I’m filling them with strawberries and easy grow veg to enjoy later in the summer. Loving being in control of my own garden and planning where to plant, not just being told to plonk stuff in just to fill a gap

    • #59097

      I love the idea of the earrings Tiffany (very fitting with your name too!) and the new garden items you bought White Rose.

      I’m feeling a bit drained after more negative experiences with men. So I’ll review my new purchases to focus on the positives:

      – Fennel and chamomile plants for my outdoor space
      – Some beautiful Indian fabric covered seat cushions for sitting outside or inside I found on sale
      – On a walk I found a box of plant pots going free due to a house clearance which felt like a gift from the universe – I’ve filled them with courgette plants, herbs and wildflowers

      Actually what cheered me up the most this week was doing a big tidy, clean and hoover of my home workspace. I really want to find work in my field soon so am channelling my energy into that. In the past I buried my head in the sand about it so now I am facing up to all the fear and challenges because even if I had a great partner, I would still want to do this. πŸ™‚

    • #59120

      I love this thread and all the ways you are all being good to yourselves!

      I’m very into vintage and kitsch-my house used to be my pride, full of lovely things. He loved it when he moved in but gradually he trashed my home and refused to let me clean up the mess.i ended up living in a pigsty and I hated it.

      Now, I’m on a mission to buy lots of beautiful things to surround myself with. I need to change things, to move forwards…so far I’ve bought-
      Budgie covered wallpaper
      Vintage China cabinet
      Vintage dressing table
      Vintage poodle – she sat in an old ladies bedroom since the 60s, her name is Beatrice , after the old lady.
      Vintage poodle collectibles
      Kitsch coffee table

      I know, looks like I’ve gone spending mad! But I’m the bargain queen! Most things cost less that a fiver! Yes, really! Facebook market place , eBay and car bit sales are my hunting ground!

      Clothes will have to wait until I’ve lost the weight I gained when I was with him. But I’m planning one hell of a vintage wardrobe πŸ™‚ x*x

    • #63905

      I bought myself a beautiful polished stone, which is living in my wee car. I smile every time I see it.

    • #63912

      Today I bought a hair mask. And booked myself for hair cut and dyeing.
      Also a couple of weeks ago I got some new clothes as i hadnt done shopping for ages. And i feel so pretty and sexy to myself 😍😍

      • #66189

        I love your post Anabela, especially the last bit.
        Ive a fair bit to go b4 i feel that way about myself again, but it really uplifted me to read someone saying it about themselves. I picture you so sassy and full of life, thank you.
        IWMB πŸ’•πŸ’•

      • #66207

        ❀❀and your reply made me smile too!!

    • #66212

      I really need to book a haircut and dye to. It always makes me feel better. I keep thinking it’d be fun to wear red lipstick too.

      I also like the idea of going shopping for some nice warm yet stylish autumn/winter clothes. I might go after half term, thanks for reminding me to do this. πŸ™‚

    • #66219

      I think this topic should be brought up from time to time as it is soo uplifting to treat yourself!!
      A few days ago I had a tattoo done. I was dreaming of it for a while and it marks my freedom and new life. It is my first tattoo and i think it does give me extra confidence. I am sooo happy and excited about it πŸ™‚

    • #66660

      That’s great news, they are beautiful creations and a lovely reminder of how far you’ve came.
      I remember my first tatoo @Anabela, it actually took my OH going in to the tattoist and persuading him to do it for me. Something about being my first and where i wanted it, it would be very painful. Eh id had 2kids . men really know nothing of painπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚anyway i got it and i never flinched or cried and it was done in half the usual time. He judged me because i wasnt the usual tattoo type,oh how things have changed😊 hes since done a few more, (detail removed by moderator). All mine are out of sight unless i go swimming which no longer happens . My choice. Id probably get another one to represent my freedom as my OH wont allow me to get anymore. πŸ€”
      I recently bought myself a new skirt, very autumnal, you’d love it @Poodlepower its very vintage. πŸ˜‰
      Im still saving so am consciously still not impulse buying, but I’ve found myself wandering around shops looking at things id have in my own place. Therapeutic window shopping without the sadness it used to create when i couldn’t afford things and window shopped all the time. (Before this relationship)
      Keep posting on this thread it really does lift the soul.
      IWMB πŸ’•πŸ’•

    • #66685

      I’m really happy this thread is still going strong, I started it when I had just left my horrible abusive ex and that was nearly a year and a half ago! All the self care really does help a lot, and learning not to be so hard on myself. I think all of us are really hard on ourselves and it helps us a lot to be kind to ourselves for a change. (I also read that scientifically being hard on yourself doesn’t actually make you more productive etc so it’s pointless anyway, even more of a good reason for self-kindness!)

      So ladies this week I baked myself a super yummy cake (all for me! I have a small piece each day with a cuppa) and I ordered some lovely cosy winter things from a shop I like that isn’t in my area. I felt a bit guilty ordering them but know that’s all part of the ‘feeling guilty about everything’ feeling I have carried with me for years. I know for me that self esteem and the way I dress are connected so each day I try to have a shower, get dressed and put on something I like. It always makes me feel so much better.

      I also donated several items to a charity shop and it felt really good knowing someone will buy them and be really excited about their newfound treasure. It’s also for my favourite charity and it makes me so happy knowing who the money will help πŸ™‚

      I also got my hair dyed again recently after putting it off for months and it feels so much better and like I am taking care of myself.

    • #66821

      I bought myself some fresias.
      Big knickers and clothes I can hide in are great as I no longer have to dress up for anyone.
      When I escaped I treated myself to food, as he had made me scared to eat. I felt like I had won a battle. Someone teased me about eating but I didn’t care.
      Hugs to everyone. You are all so brave and it makes me feel stronger being able to come on here.

    • #66824
      lover of no contact

      I treated myself to a pair of ear-rings recently. They are lovely, and whereas before I would have hesitated to treat myself (I have no problem buying for others)thanks to this thread I said you know what I’ll treat myself.

      I too have to be careful with my money to survive but I’m enjoying watching a few videos on minimalist principles relating to clothes. Being a minimalist is good when in my financial situation post abuse!

    • #66853

      One of the best things I bought was a diary of happy thoughts. It has no dates in it so I can put it away and get it out again later. In it, I have written nice things that happened or I thought about. Writing the things makes me smile and it is there for me to read again when I’m feeling low.

    • #66882
      lover of no contact

      lovely idea Freedoms. Thanks for sharing that with us. I’m going to buy a diary/pretty notebook and start doing that.

    • #66965

      Bless this post nearly brought me to tears. I have learnt not to spend on myself…deep down as i feel i am not worthy of even spend my own money on myself. Tomorrow the deal with myself is to buy a bunch of flowers. From me to me. Check me out if I did and tell me off if I didn’t. X

    • #66971

      That’s so great Puzzledatlife πŸ™‚ I hope you find a beautiful bunch of flowers that calls out to you tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.

    • #67099

      I have been showering myself with presents lately, mainly extravagant clothes and accessories.
      It is a great distraction from my difficult health problems.

    • #70439

      The first thing i bought was a beautiful glass frog candle holder for when i moved out of womens aid house. I called it my wishing frog. I lit the candle every night and told the wishing frog all that i really wanted. It works…mostly.

      • #70441

        I love this jackjack. The image of your wishing frog brought me so much positivity! I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut (poor health rather than abuse fortunately) and this just gave me a lift.

    • #70470

      I bought myself some infinity jewellery pieces.

    • #70484
      lover of no contact

      Sounds lovely Iwantmeback. And that is real progress as I know how hard it is to break the habit of not treating ourselves. Someone I know said about having a love-affair with ourselves. I think that is a great way to go about healing ourselves. We are worth treating and doing nice things for.

      Just because intimate partners/family don’t speak respectfully to us or treat us well doesn’t mean we can’t do it for ourselves. Their behaviour of not treating us nicely is a reflection of them and nothing to do with us.

      We can’t control how others treat us but we CAN control how we treat ourselves.

      As the song says ‘ Coz Baby I’m worth it !!’

    • #70562

      Love this post.
      Got myself a yearly subscription to the zoo.
      Want to book a hairdresser appointment to get blond hight lights. I used to love it. He hated it so I stopped. So definitely will do that again. Going very blond this time.
      Got myself two big fat books with a nice cover.
      Few new (inexpensive) tops that make me feel quite spoiled because I enjoy them so much and no-one is here to criticise them.

    • #71012

      I’ve bought a food mixer. There was no point before because he is so incredibly fussy, and I mean incredibly. Such a boring diet. I’d fallen into buying the same things over and over again, and couldn’t get out of the habit of thinking I should make the same food for us both.

      Now I’m enjoying amazing, gorgeous vegetables of every type in a variety of recipes.

      There is an added advantage that there’s very little here he will eat, and now that he has to fend for himself because I won’t provide or cook for him anymore, perhaps the lack of food will drive him off.

      • #71064

        Lol, I hope the healthy food will drive him off indeed. Good riddance.
        Enjoy your food mixer πŸ™‚

    • #71805

      I bought some wood. I am going to make things for my dolls house and hopefully some more cupboards if I get the confidence.

    • #71807

      Aw Numpty that sounds so good. My dad mafe me a dolls house when I was a lot younger. I loved it. You’ve painted a lovely relaxing picture in my head. Whether it is, that’s another matter😊

    • #71829

      What a fabulous post! I sold my wedding ring, engagement ring and two eternity rings (yes, two – he gave me the second one after his first affair and promised I was the only one for him. All lies of course – he didn’t change. He’s now married yet again! Do leopards change their spots?!)
      Anyway, I’ve promised myself a lovely ring and am still on the lookout for one. Thinking of turquoise. I often treat myself to flowers and chocolate(s). I’ll be moving into my own home soon and will be selling off the remaining furniture and a few other items we had while married. I shall replace every single item and am so looking forward to buying a new sofa, armchairs, table, etc. And I shall have throws, candles, lovely bright cushions – not drab colours that remind me of the drab life I once led with him. There will also be new paintings on the walls – all chosen by me. I’m also going to embark on an Open University degree later this year (I have a couple of degrees, but this one is going to be in a completely different subject area). One thing I’ve bought a lot of since decree absolute is dresses and wraps – I just love them! Have also had my nails done quite regularly for the first time in my life (am quite a few years over 50!) and am keeping my hair highlighted.
      Let’s all rejoice in our newfound freedom! We are SO worth it!

    • #71842

      What a great post. Since being “semi-free”, I have found the love of reading again and so far I’m on my 3rd book. All happy books too. I’ve also bought nice shampoos and conditioners x

    • #78903

      I’m broke so didn’t buy anything. But I did treat myself to a lovely bath last night. In the middle of the night, I just thought β€˜how can I be nice to me?’.

    • #78915
      Twisted Sister

      A truly lovely thread to read,full of self kindness and celebrations through self-gifting of freedom.

      Painting my nails is something I rarely do,but hae treated myself to a lovely soft colour coating this week. Have also cultivated some beautiful scented flower that are just flowering now and the scent amazing.

      I was also recently gifted one of my favourite scents, and love having a few squirts of that to make me feel that little bit pampered or special in loving the smell of it and the evocative memories of sunshine, beaches and carefree holidays

      Happiness and self-kindess to all.

      Its real tonic reading this thread!

      Warmest wishes


    • #101590

      It took me ages to find this thread again! I think now is exactly the kind of time we need to be treating ourselves with everything that’s going on in the world combined with experiencing domestic abuse.

      It’s a bit trickier to treat ourselves with the shops closed but it can be things like making yourself a great cup of tea and baking yourself a cake. Or maybe during your weekly shop at the supermarket they had some fresh herbs on sale and you’ve set up a little herb garden with them. Maybe a local business is doing deliveries and you got some special farm shop produce from them you’d never tried before. Or maybe you just went off for your daily walk to a new area and discovered a previously unknown patch of woodland.

      So, what gifts have you bought or experienced lately? Please keep treating yourself each day and share below. πŸ™‚πŸ°πŸŒΏπŸŒΌ

    • #101591

      Hi, I loved this thread when I came across it previously. Thank you so much for posting it again. As you all know I have the keys to my new house just can’t move in due to this virus. Welfare finding onhold for white goods, no one to help carry them in anyway even if I could get then. Anyway, I treated myself to a lovely arm chair and footstool, its covered in stags, perfect fir my cottage feel bungalow,also bought paper to match.
      I’m also liking going for food shopping a bit more, still struggle a bit, you know how we could never get that rightπŸ€ͺ I’m eating healthier food but also having the odd what I fancy stuff too, with noone there telling me I can’t, thought you were on a diet p..h, I had to put up with before, I’ll never be shamed where food is concerned again.
      I did buy some new bras a while ago, they cost a fortune BUT THEY FIT 😁😁. I buy flowers every so often too and I’m opening up the Christmas gift sets to use now,instead of putting by for others Christmas presents.
      Blessed be

    • #101593

      I have treated myself to a whole new life in another country…..πŸ€£πŸ€—

    • #101595

      I love that Cecile, with distance you’ll never be tempted either.

    • #101604

      All this talk of baking, over just threw together a coffee cake. But I’ll put smooth peanut butter on top instead of making up a butter icing. Had enough mixture to make 3 wee muffins too

    • #101803

      Haha Cecile, love it!

      I have experienced the gift of time. I have zero obligations right now and feel free to do things I enjoy such as listening to my favourite podcasters, listening to current media press conferences, i love all this and finally got the time to enjoy two cups of coffee on a row. Time to read, write. So yes the gift of time absolutely.

    • #102067

      I love reading all your posts ladies about how we are treating ourselves for once!!!
      I’ve just bought a new handbag and some necklaces and rings!! Even bought myself a new dress too. Feeling so guilty buying it but why not?
      I could never buy things for myself being in my relationship so now being out of it I am in control!!
      Hope you are all having a fabulous fun day.
      Love to all πŸ’•

    • #104779
      White Rose

      Cant believe this post is still going! I love it! I’ve just come in after watering the plants in the pots I posted about back in 2017.
      So what have I bought for myself recently? Clothes he would hate, curtains he’d say were too modern, good quality wine – not on special offer!!!, really, really dark chocolate, a rather decadent bedside lamp and a way too expensive face mask. Up yours ex husband, ex controller and and abuser, my money, my life, my choices.

    • #104810

      I love this! I treated myself to some expensive skin care and a chiminea for the garden so I can sit outside in the evenings with the smell of burning wood and toasty warm πŸ’• oh and some plants for the garden x

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