What happened (detail removed by moderator)

[Rainbowcloud]

I haven’t been able to come back on here hardly because he has been off work so can’t use my phone.
(Detail removed by moderator) he bought up sex and said I want it tonight. Bearing in mind we had sex (detail removed by moderator) so I had one night off from it.
(Detail of conversation removed by moderator) I could tell that I basically couldn’t say no I had already said no twice.
I had to do it or the trouble after wouldnt of been worth it. The whole time it just didn’t feel right. He expects me to do it four five times a week and I’ve got a toddler I’m to tired but it’s like I have to if you know what I mean.
I hated every second (detail removed by moderator) because I didn’t want it and I was forced into it why do that when he knows I didn’t want it.
(Detail removed by moderator) I don’t understand why he does that.
I’m depressed about it again this morning it’s like he owns me.

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful angel…Rainbowcloud,
I am so so sorry to hear that you have to experience this, I feel disturbed just reading your post so I cannot imagine how is must be for you living it
Have you looked into getting out … what are your options?
I would strongly advise you to start to put somethings in place … I know, I know, easier said than done!
However even if its just a thought in your head that you want to leave, keep re-visiting this and it will develop
Maybe if you can speak to someone at Womens aid too about where you stand with everything
For now though you need to put as much into yourself as you can to keep you strong and stop you getting depressed as this will weaken you even more
Try and visulise a physical barrier between you and him … I know this sounds a bit woo woo but try it, you have nothing to lose and it may push him away for a while, keep doing this and again over time your power to divert his attention away from you will grow
Try and do something nice for yourself today, however small it might seem. Honour yourself as a women and reclaim back what he has taken from you… don’t give him that power to upset you
I know all this is hard, but my darling do your best to start working at it, things can change
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[KIP.]

It’s rape. My ex did exactly the same thing with the forcing me head round which means I’d turned my head away from him because I didn’t want to engage so he would force my head back round and stick his tongue in my mouth. It left me suicidal and depressed. You wouldn’t have sex with someone who obviously doesn’t want to. What I learned was it’s not about sex it’s about dominance. He knows you are saying no to him and abusers will not accept that word. They need to be in control and he takes great pleasure in this kind of dominating you. Rape crisis have a great helpline. Give them a ring. Remember it’s your body. You have the right to say no to anything without fear of consequences. It’s just another form of domestic abuse.

[Rainbowcloud]

Thanks for both of your replies. It really stressed me out (detail removed by moderator) it was late I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed.
I know you say it’s rape but I went along with it in the end so it just feels like all the other times.
Sometimes it’s like it’s not about the sex it’s about the power of it or something.
I’m not there just to keep him happy but that’s how it feels and he knows I didn’t want it so why pursue it and pretend to be nice before it.
Makes me so stressed thinking about it knowing if I don’t do it then I causes the silent treatment and arguments.
When I’m on my monthly cycle he makes me make sure he’s sorted out like it’s such a chore for him to wait a few days so I don’t even get much of a break then anymore .
I’ve got four kids I don’t know how I can leave one is in his last year at school it’s so stressful isn’t it being trapped like this.

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid. That was the beginning of the rest of my life. They were fantastic. You do have options. We minimise abuse. We get used to it. You’re consenting to sex when you dont want it. Look at the Thames Valley
Police video. A cup of tea x start gathering a support network around you x baby steps x

[Rainbowcloud]

Hi KIP such a strong support on here for us all. I feel like it is not bad Enough to leave him like sometimes it is ok and he doesn’t hit me so it’s ok. I know it’s not but I feel a fraud to what other go through on here.
I know if I tried to end it he would make my life very hard indeed.

[KIP.]

I was only attacked twice by my ex physically. But the emotional abuse was far worse and much more debilitating. I still suffer badly from his emotional abuse so never underestimate the effect of mental injuries. Google cognitive dissonance. Our brain will push bad memories to the back as a form of self protection. You’re on a support forum for victims of domestic abuse. That’s enough for me to tell you to run for the hills. Run fast and dont look back. After getting legal advice, all your financial ducks in a row because your gut is right about post separation abuse and you need to be protected. You have time to get ready but don’t tell him you’re thinking of leaving. Gather a support network around you. Starting with women’s aid x a 10 minute talk with a Womens Aid worker explained the last 20 years of my life. It was like a light bulb switched on. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline for some advice too x

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