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    • #135324
      SingleMomSurvivor
      Participant

      I’ve gone no contact and am using a 3rd party for all interactions that involve our kids. For you ladies that have gone no contact, or are using a 3rd party for contact, did the abuser over time just eventually leave you alone? I’m hoping that’s what will happen. I know I can never let my guard down in regards to him and that I will have to continue with no contact and that he will forever be a dangerous, unsafe person. But like 5 years from now will he still be trying to think up ways to stir up conflict & be abusive? I guess that’s a question no one can really answer.

    • #135326
      KIP.
      Participant

      The abusive nature he has now will be the same abusive nature he will always have. He may have an new victim or interest that will distract him but you will always be a target for him. All you can do is minimise the damage he can cause by zero contact and protecting your children. Eventually the main problem will be that he will use and manipulate your children and you will need to teach your children about abuse and manipulation. Many lose interest in the children when they can’t used them to carry on their indirect abuse. Just keep building on yourself and your relationship with your kids x

      • #135367
        SingleMomSurvivor
        Participant

        Thank you for this advice Kip. I have been feeling better since I’ve gone no contact. I will start looking into resources so I know how to talk to my kids about lying, abuse & manipulation. I’m hoping one day he loses interest in the kids as that would be best for them and me.

      • #135370
        KIP.
        Participant

        When Dad Hurts Mom by Lundy Bancroft is a good book

    • #135339
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Mine has absolutely no way of contacting me. He’s blocked from everything, I keep a very, very low online profile, I changed my email address, left my job, moved to another county and he doesn’t know where I live. Next year I plan to change my name.

      My children are both young adults and won’t discuss me with him.

      I’m sure he’d love to continue abusing me but all avenues are closed. Going no contact has been very effective for me.

      • #135368
        SingleMomSurvivor
        Participant

        I’m so glad that you were able to go zero contact! It’s wonderful your kids are on board with keeping you safe. I would so love to be able to go zero contact. I’m looking forward to when my kids are older & I don’t have to be in contact with him for any reason. I absolutely would move and disappear and block all avenues of contact so he could never find me again.

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