What happens when you tell people

[Stuckinafishbowl]

I left the relationship over (detail removed by Moderator) months ago. There’s been a couple incidents since when I have been at his with the kids. We’ve almost rekindled a few times too. The most recent incident he got physical infront of the babies and while I was holding out youngest because I asked him not to swear or name call at our children. He got very verbally abusive towards me and wished our children to die. He said I was intentionally making him angry. He tried forcing us out of the house but it’s a long walk home and the baby was crying and my phone was low. I asked him if I could charge it and he threw it across thdwe room shattering it. He also threatened to not let me take our toddler home. We are all home and safe now.

I feel after this incident I’m ready to pursue a clean cut. I’m not going back. I’ve had professionals ask me of I’ve every experienced domestic abuse and I’ve always said no out of fear of what would happen if I said yes. Will I be at risk of losing my babies? Will they tell my abuser I told them? I want to tell someone but I’m scared.

[KIP.]

Start with someone you trust like your local women’s aid. They can help and no they won’t take your babies off you. He is the abuser not you. I’d also report the incident to the police. What he did is child abuse and illegal. Reach out to your local women’s aid and your GP. He abuse will thrive on your silence. Keep a secret journal of all his behaviour. It’s evidence should you need it. Breaking up with an abuser is the most dangerous time so please stay away from him, go zero contact and talk to a solicitor. Most offer free legal advice initially or these Rights of Women who have a free legal helpline x

[Lisa]

Hello Stuckinafishbowl,

I just wanted to offer some support as I can hear that it must be a scary and isolating time for you.

I’m sorry to hear about your ex-partners behaviour towards you and the children, it sounds so abusive, frightening and concerning, it’s good that you are beginning to reach out for support with things.

As KIP mentioned, you could talk to someone you trust for some initial advice and support. Your local specialist domestic abuse support service understand the dynamics of abuse and will support you in whatever next steps you want to take. You can find your local service here.

It’s very common when we are living in an abusive situation, to have concerns around the children being removed, but you are not a risk to the children, he is. Professional services should support you in keeping your children safe, I can hear that you are only wanting to protect them.

Do keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

Take care of yourself,
Lisa

[Pinkypanther]

your babies wont be taken away because you have suffered abuse. You have taken the first steps just keep going. My abuse was mental and emotional, he’s still trying to do it now. My children got taken not because of the abuse i was suffering as I didnt even realise it was happening then it was because of my ex.
Im now fighting to get my babies back and actually today during a session with one of the workers from child services she told me That being abused does not mean your children will be taken or not returned but not admitting that the abuse is happening and hiding it could.
Stay strong. You have got this.

[ISOPeace]

I’m really sorry to hear that his abuse lead to your children being taken away. I feel really sad imagining you and your children being separated.

People hide abuse, because it’s the only way they know to survive. It’s so brutal to effectively punish them by taking their children away. I know child services are trying to protect the children, but I’m sure lack of understanding about abuse often leads to bad decisions being made.

I hope your session with child services went well. Most of all I hope you get your babies back soon. Stay strong, we’re all behind you 100% 💕 xxxx

[Author]

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