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me and I say partner (as he won’t leave and I get promised it will get better.) for a few years. I have kids from before and worked my way up to help run where I work . life was great I was independent happy . met the man of my dreams then slowly got ground down . he started taking my bank card and spending my money on being shops and over things disappearing for days . I fell pregnant and after the baby was born it’s got worse voilence nasty names being left with out being able to feed the kids . I then found out he has paranoid schizophrenia and has not taken he’s Meds for many years . which would explain his eyes why he don’t like me going out . lost my friends due to having so lil confidence I didn’t want to go out . put on weight so no one would look at me . as I’m constantly flirting and finding men apparently. I have lost my family as I locked me and the kids away . at the beginning of the year I ended up in hospital due to him . and social services got involved. I convinced them it was an accident and I had one child in need meeting before they throw it out . I stepped down in my work as he wouldn’t help out with the nursery fee’s and put us in debt with that . the constant name calling and accusations ground me down so I went to the doctors and got anti depressants. and went off sick for a while. then the nice man I met came begging back and I think I’m so low right now I’d rather have some one then be on my own . but it won’t stop I try to stand up to him but he threatens to kick the door down if I don’t let him in . or if I arrange a babysitter to have the baby he kicks off . he’s messing my work up . my mental health and our whole life for unknown reasons . all I did was fall in love. he’s not been violent in over a month as he knows it would get socal services back and he don’t won’t to look bad in front of them . but says he will ring them and tell them I’m unable to cope as I’m so weak . I just don’t know what to do or who to turn to . I’m in a constant state of low and worry right now . as I’ve got to pay all the debts off on my wages as he’s pays for nothing and it leaves me and my kids with nothing .
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Hello and welcome. My ex did everything you described and he didn’t have paranoid schizophrenia. He, like your partner is a domestic abuser. You need to reach out to your local women’s aid. This man chooses to behave that way. If he’s holding down a job and not abusing his boss, it shows he can control his behaviour when he wants to. He can control his behaviour in front of social service or others. So he knows what he’s doing is wrong and illegal. He’s not your responsibility. Ring the helpline number on here and talk to a wonderful lady who can explain your options. Read the other posts on here and you will see you’re not alone x
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thank you for replying he’s self employed so he’s his own boss… I’ve come home from a work night and I’m obviously cheating as I dared to go out.. got screamed and abused and am now in bed wondering y I went out in first place. I can’t do this anymore … I can’t have a life I can’t dress in nice clothes I can’t talk how I want .. it’s like. he’s got me and I’m not allowed to be me anymore I need to run with my babies or I need to woman up .. but I’ve got to work and explanation my face or give them some excuse .. I need someone to tell me this is normal or fair right now
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What I mean is he can hold down a job. Behave himself when he has to. He’s in control. Yes, what’s happening is illegal and immoral and you have every right to leave or end a relationship that’s harming you and your children. If he has hurt you please ring the police. Trauma messes with our head and abusers brainwash us and destroy our self esteem. Theyre very dangerous especially when we try to leave so don’t let him know you’re going. Women’s aid can help you plan a safe exit, find a refuge and housing for you and your children. You can’t do this on your own. Google trauma bonding. Cycle of abuse. Cognitive dissonance. Gaslighting. All tactics abusers use. His behaviour is programming you not to go out. If he abuses you when you do something he doesn’t like, eventually you won’t do these things. In this case it’s going out. I became so scared to leave the home I had to give up work and became agoraphobic. Abuse destroys our mental health x
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