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    • #129248
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any relationship advice.

      The last two relationships I’ve had have been physically abusive and controlling… I lost so much confidence and i was so dependent on them.. However, ive grown in confidence again and I’ve recently started dating the most amazing guy. He’s kind, trusting, lovely, we get on really well. At the same time, I just feel like something is missing and I just can’t put my finger on it!

      I’m so confused about what a proper relationship is meant to be like now . I dont understand or know what a healthy relationship is anymore. I feel like I’m still hooked in a way. And Since being single through lockdown, I’ve become very selfish too (unfortunately) and Im resenting having to spend time doing something I don’t want to do. I know that sounds horrible. At the same time though as I’m growing older, Im so worried about throwing a ” good” relationship away. Is this only good because he’s not abusive and I’m settling? I dont think I’ll find anyone better either so i might as well stick with it. Has anyone else been through something similar… Its hard trying to date when you’re so worried anout meeting an abuser and falling into the trap again so you settle for a nice normal guy and dont think you’ll find better. I do want to start a family soon so worried if I end this relationship with a great guy then i could just be back at square one and maybe even meet another abuser.

      Anyway,any advice would be fantastic. Thank you xx. Hope you’re all keeping safe and well.

    • #129278
      Cecile
      Participant

      I can’t advise you because I am so confused and in mental chaos about what is a good relationship, I am also struggling with these issues. I feel so bewildered.I am happy to see you have found some one safe and nice. There are many ladies on the forum who give excellent insights into new relationships and I hope they come through for you.please keep us posted of how you get on with this. Good luck x

    • #129628
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      I am in a great relationship now and I was worried about going through the whole thing again.. I guess what helped me was getting perspective on what I wanted out of a relationship… and working out what I could compromise with and what I wouldn’t… I had a few ups and downs.. as I felt obliged to do things I didn’t want to do, but after talking it through with my partner and him understanding (because believe it or not if these men do care about us, they will rationally discuss things and that way we work through things together) sometimes I was in the wrong and when explained I could see why… other times I was right and things where sorted…either way if I felt wrong.. I talked about it.. u have to feel comfortable with the person ur with to ur gut tells u alot… even if u don’t want it to… I still trust my gut today, its the reason I’m still alive.. and my partner agrees with me, if I feel off… we talk and work it out.

      It’s really hard, trusting people after the hurt.. but u will get there in ur own time.. don’t rush it. X*x

    • #130190
      PlantBeachLove
      Participant

      I feel exactly the same – I feel like something is missing in a new current relationship but I also don’t know whether it’s just because I don’t know what normal is. Or whether its like a self-defence thing – am I sabotaging it to protect myself? He is genuinely nice but should I feel like I’m settling just because he isn’t abusive? How much should you compromise to feel safe?

      Sorry I can’t help or offer advice, but at least we are not alone xx

    • #130202
      Damagedforever
      Participant

      I don’t have advice but all I can say is you’re clearly not alone in the way you feel. I’m not too sure what a normal relationship is anymore either. I question everything and never seem to know what right x

    • #130210
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      What do you mean when you say you resent having to do something you don’t want to do, after becoming selfish during lockdown. If you mean you don’t like doing what he wants because you enjoy doing your own thing – stop beating yourself up and do what you want! Maybe there’s red flags which aren’t as obvious as previous relationships or maybe you’re just enjoying time on your own and a relationship is going to stop that, I don’t know but that one line in your post jumped out at me. Hope it works out for you x x

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