This topic contains 9 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Watersprite 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #113453

    Hi everyone,

    I am looking for therapy to help me work through what I’ve been through with my family and my abusive ex so that I can hopefully heal that core wound from childhood and move on with my life. I was wondering if people could share what kind of therapy worked for them, what didn’t work and where they accessed that therapy ie was it private. Also how long did you have the therapy for.

    I was referred to my local NHS mental health service and was on the waiting list for a long time. Eventually I got referred to have psychoanalytic psychotherapy but I found even the assessment for it quite troubling, mostly because they take a neutral stance about people in your past which to me felt like they weren’t acknowledging what I’d been through. The focus is entirely on you, your emotions and thought processes. It seems to be about breaking down the protection mechanisms around your ego and identity in order to rebuild it or something, it was a bit confusing. Me and the therapist have both agreed that it’s not the right type of therapy for me, because they said this particular therapy can sometimes destabilise people and make them feel worse, and that’s a risk of this type of therapy.

    I think the type of therapy I really want is therapy with a kind, supportive older female counsellor who totally understands the dynamics of domestic and familial abuse. I always thought my mother was supportive, and always feel really guilty saying anything critical about her, but having read a lot about narcissistic family units and narcissistic mothers she does seem to fall into that category and I think one of the reasons why I ended up with my ex was because his behaviour seemed normal to me due to my family.

    I feel a bit deflated that I waited for so long to have this assessment and we decided it wasn’t right for me, but on the other hand I know that having the wrong therapy and the wrong therapy can be traumatising in itself and it’s important to get the right kind of therapy and the right therapist.

  • #113454

    Also, has anyone had EMDR for CPTSD? My understanding of EMDR is that it’s good for if you’ve had one or a few specific traumas that are causing flashbacks, but it’s not really designed for longterm constant emotional and psychological abuse?

  • #113460

    Hi I recently tried emdr and I thought it was amazing! Yes right I have only done it relative to one moment/incident at the moment but I spoke to them about feeder memories and they can do more complex work to identify the feeder memories and then work back up. I loved it as feel I have talked enough about what happened, I know why I feel like I do but I just want to feel better. I really recommend trying it, I am signing up for more!

  • #113562

    Following for advise

    I was contacted by social services after reporting my abuser, she asked if I wanted counselling and I said yet, this was back in (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve heard nothing since. Obviously Covid will have delayed things but I have no idea if I’m actually on a waiting list or anything.

    I’ve seen people mention the freedom programme run by women’s aid can anyone offer more on what that is? Or am I best going to speak to my Gp?


  • #113649

    I have emdr for cptsd and it’s the only thing that has ever worked for me. It’s a really hard slog but it’s totally worth the effort. I found my therapist through the nhs so it was the luck of the draw and I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity. I’ve been going through therapy for decades with nhs and private. You’ve just got to keep trying. I know it’s hard but it is worth it x

  • #113680

    Hi, I am having a mixture of talking and physical therapy. This involves spending some of the session talking about how I am feeling, and the rest doing breathing and stretching exercises to release trauma which is held in the body. The therapist I found believes in treating mind and body simultaneously. I found her online by specifically googling local domestic abuse therapists. I have also heard that EMDR is good but not tried it. I too have had counselling on and off over the years. Almost all has been through NHS via my GP practice or referral to a service and it has always been helpful. A safe space to vent your feelings and share some of the hard things you have experienced in an environment where no-one is going to judge or exploit you is a healing process in itself.

  • #113684

    The freedom programme isn’t counselling but it is a safe space to process and share with other women who have also been through and/or are going through abuse so understand. There is an online course you can complete independently but ideally you want to join an interactive freedom programme where you can connect with other women.
    There are various ones running across UK via zoom currently.
    If anyone is interested PM me and i can share how to access one.

  • #113686

    I’d recommend counselling too. You definitely need a counsellor with good knowledge and experience of abuse though.
    I speak from both professional and personal experience as someone who has a qualification in integrative counselling (which means it draws on a combination of counselling approaches – psychodynamic, person centred, and CBT) and someone who has been on the receiving end of a well meaning counsellor who had no experience of the dynamics of an abusive relationship and therefore was not helpful to me in my healing process!

  • #113687

    PS The freedom programme was written by Pat Craven. If you Google you’ll find info on it. As well as WWomen’s Aid, it is run by a range of other organisations too.

  • #113688

    I’ve just started reading cPTSD from survivor to thriver think it was recommended on here – it is so helpful already. Thanks for comments on EMDR it’s been recommended to me but as still lots going on even though we have left they say wait until safe. Might try the freedom project and it would be good to maybe meet some other women who get it too.

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