what next ?

[forgottenandlost]

if this wasnt so bizarely laughable i think id cry … i have a dog a big dog that i agreed could go into foster care while i went into refuge so a while ago they came and collected my best friend and the only thing that helps me manage my disabilities ,….. all good you are thinking so far arent you ? so was i to begin with then bit by bit i realise my idva is not really being very helpful with this refuge stuff and im getting nowhere so still here home alone ex turning up setting fire to things …… so i thinki want my dog back and ring to say ok time he was home the very nice lady says let me see what i can say as dog is settled and you should be somewhere safe by now …ok then ill wait .
so a few hours later the dog people call me again to say theyve seen my baby and hes fine but are still waiting for a call back from idva (no shock there) i then get a call from one i dont know on the wrong phone to say mine is on holiday but shes very concerned that i want the dog back somewhere that is unsafe ! ok but hang on a minute youre ok leaving me here ? well yes but the dog is already somewhere safe …….. i swear at this point (bit tired ,still not slept and frustrated ) hes not threatening to rape and kill the dog ffs !!!!!!

[KIP.]

It’s a dreadful situation all round. My ex abused my dog and he was large too so I can see that the lady is concerned for the dogs welfare but also that you miss him terribly. I hope you rang the police and reported your ex for setting things on fire. We do what we think is best in the moment. Perhaps now they will find you a safe place or a refuge. I could add to these kind of stories when the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing but take comfort that your baby is settled and safe and being looked after. Keep working on your own safety. Do you have anywhere else you could stay meantime?

[forgottenandlost]

its just bizarre they are worried about his safety but not mine this is the woman that was given my case because I was at extreme risk not the dog he was actually bought for me as my ex has a fear of this particular type
im not holding my breath for them to do anything really as they have had long enough now to even just of given me a call to say they were doing something wouldve been something , the have told the people caring for dog they ae still looking but they have told me its pointless them looking i have to but when i call i get asked why they arent , in the meantime nobody warns me when im about to pass out or that ive forgotten the stove and its burning ……………. oh wait theres the fire alarm again

[Iwantmeback]

Hi forgottenandlost, please let your dog stay where it is. My dog was attacked by my husband, he’s dead now. I don’t know if it was anything to do with his attack, or whether it was ‘natural’ causes. This is the first I’ve posted this, but I don’t want you going through the grief I am.

[teabag]

I hope they find you somewhere fast. Your a priority now. What’s been happening?

[forgottenandlost]

im still at home , b****y handprint left on my front door no word at all from my idva (think shes been abducted by aliens)

[diymum@1]

I would be calling them to ask for an up date – its your safety were talking about and its your right to be safe x*x

[forgottenandlost]

to get an update they have to answer calls diymum and like ive said i think she has been abducted by aliens im more at peace with the fact im going to end up a statistic that they all say its a change in policy that is needed for maybe my death will help someone else

[diymum@1]

i appreciate what your saying it shouldnt take that, not at all. so its the independent domestic violence adviser your waiting on to call you? if hes threatening to set things on fire shouldnt they get you to refuge like now? xx hope your ok diymum

[forgottenandlost]

to be honest diymum i think ive given up now im too tired and too ill to keep fighting him and the people that are meant to be helping me , ive had a small fire here and threats now the handprint left on the door and noone but me seems to be bothered so why should i ? i had a severe head injury from him and any stess makes it worse so ive been struggling to be on my feet for more than 20 minutes before passing out so instead of letting it all keep me stressed im concentrating on ignoring that hes getting braver with the threats too and trying to stay relaxed until it finally happens

[diymum@1]

this is what they do best isnt it. i feel like im interfering here but could you maybe get an advocate to help you with this? it sounds like your in a very vulnerable position xx perhaps Lisa can advise you xx take care xx

[forgottenandlost]

i thought thats what the idva was for ( apparently im mistaken) so instead of getting all stressed over it ive got prepared ive written a will both a living and after death one and made the arrangements for a closed funeral and although im unable to sleep ive rested the best that i can

[diymum@1]

tbh i would call nhs 24 or 999 asap it sounds like you may need proper support if your feeling like this xx

[Lisa]

Dear Forgottenandlost,

I have sent you some extra support by private message. If you need medical attention and you can’t get to the doctors in person, please try calling 111 or 999 if it’s an emergency.

I’m very sorry you’re not getting the help you need right now and I understand that feeling let down by support services is extremely distressing and disheartening. You absolutely deserve help to be safe and to access ongoing support to help you to start healing from this serious abuse. Please consider some of the suggestions I make below.

There should be other ways to get help from the service your IDVA works for. If you contact their main Helpline or office number you could tell them what you need. If your IDVA is not available then someone else should be able to help. You mentioned you previously had a support worker, perhaps you could ask to speak to them?

If you feel ready and willing to move to refuge then you should be given the help required to find a suitable space. As an alternative to an IDVA, you can get this help by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Explain your situation clearly, including the difficulty you’ve had finding refuge so far. I acknowledge what you have been told already, and that in reality it can be difficult to find a suitable space. But low mood, or any other issue, should not prevent you from getting safe accommodation. Many women are feeling very low when looking for refuge, it is completely understandable. You may just need a bit more help to find the right place. Helpline workers can do specialist searches for refuges that can offer the support you need.

If you are looking in a particular area of the country, and there aren’t many spaces available, you may need to consider widening your search area, to give you more options. The availability of refuges changes on a daily basis, so it is worth calling the Helpline regularly for them to do an updated search. If you can’t get through to the Helpline, leave a brief message with your phone number and a safe time frame for a call back, and they will do so.

You deserve support and safety, we want to help you get through this.
Please let us know how you are when you can,

Lisa

[forgottenandlost]

UPDATE: it looks like ive been refused refuge place because of my ‘disability’ ( i call it side effects ) so womens aid have offered to pass me along to an advocate that deals with ladies with disabilities and getting them into refuge so fingers crossed they get back to me soon although im sure this is something my idva should of been doing anyway but then she has never bothered to come and meet me or have a proper conversation just a few texts ive still not heard from her in whats over a week now and althogh the place caring for my dog have its taking them a few days at a time to get a call back and then its just shes working on it …. not sure how without talking to me but there you go why should i get to say anything

[Lisa]

Thank you for taking the time to update us. That’s positive news that you have more support in looking for refuge. Let us know how you get on,

Lisa

[diymum@1]

That’s good news- hopefully you can bring this guy to justice with their help. I’m glad your ok I was wondering xx luv diymum xx💕

[diymum@1]

And obviously look at housing xx ☺

[forgottenandlost]

im still done with the police diymum they still make me feel like im in the wrong but i dont seem to be able to get my dog back while im here and he is the only man i want in my life so id sleep on the street to get him back

[diymum@1]

Bless you, you will xx I will say a wee prayer for you both stay safe 💕💪💕and stay strong you’ve come this far xx did you manage to get him out the picture? Your ex? X*x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Forgottenandlost, I feel for you, I understand it seem that your dog gets a safe place and is better treated than yourself. It’s disheartening even though of course it’s good of course he is safe but you do matter at least as much if not more. It’s crazy.
I hope you are safe now and that you are reunited with your dog tomorrow. I understand how much you need him right now and hope that the support you get will too.
Keep breathing, it will be ok soon.
Keep strong, sending you a big hug.
All the best 🐕💕

[EbonyRaven]

It was good to see that you’ve had a little more clarity and some further help. Sending you some strength to take a step. x

[Author]

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