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So I’ve been keeping a diary as suggested by one of your lovely ladies, I’m trying to keep it short and to the point. Twice since starting it he has either pushed or pulled me, he is getting worse day to day with the name calling and humiliation, I keep trying to go on the live chat but I’m always with him so I’ll keep trying, I keep doubting myself thinking it’s not that bad what am I doing, and then something happens, I got told off today for answering back, I’ve recently quit smoking Cigarettes and he says I wasn’t like it when I smoked, I always have a bad attitude, but to me I’m trying to stick up for myself and failing miserably, like he tells me I do at everything, I just want to run away and feel like I’m chained or something
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Hi ineedcoffee,
In an ideal world, what would you do if there were no barriers to your options? Would you leave him? Do you want to leave him? Do you fear him in some way, and if so, how does he frighten you?
If you are not happy in this relationship you have every right to leave it, do not stay to get confirmation it is in fact abusive. Have you been threatened with actual violence to you or someone else if you leave?
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Pushing and pulling is physical abuse. As is throwing things, hitting walls or doors, raging and acting like a coiled spring threatening violence. We minimise abuse because it becomes normal. Keep trying women’s aid. The humiliation erodes your self confidence and self esteem making it harder to leave. But you’re right about the abuse getting worse, it always does x
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You’re welcome. Domestic Abuse comes at so many levels, I know that some ladies are at huge risk of severe violence if they leave, so I just needed to be sure you are not at that level, because if you are, my response would be different.
All of us have a right to be in an equal relationship where we are valued, nurtured, feel comfortable to express our thoughts and views without ridicule and criticism. Where major decisions are discussed and made jointly. Where we live together fear free. There should not be a power imbalance regardless of how much taller or heavier they are than us (or vice versa.) We should be comfortable with our partner to be ourselves, knowing we are enough, despite our flaws, our quirks and our little insecurities here and there. A man who really cares for us would never exploit those. An abuser always will.
I’m glad you have made your decision and that you are going to leave. Enjoy your new found freedom very soon.
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Focus all your energies on – you leaving. That’s it. Get those things on your list done one by one and know that he senses the gig is about to be up. Whatever. He’s going to have to go train a new one. Not your problem. All the nagging the trying to knock you off track is typical and almost boring. They keep doing the same things over and over again. If it wasn’t so darned annoying and hurtful I’d have to yawn but it is quite horrible. Do not let him defeat you. Just smile inside yourself and go – your days are numbered buddy! Put in your earplugs and turn him off. Blast your music and this thing of laying a hand on you, pushing and pulling? That’s physical abuse, not okay. He needs to stop that one and if he does it again, you do need to call the police. Escalation is no laughing matter and he is escalating. He’s a big bully and a big baby. Get all your ducks in a row. Demand that you have time alone. He wouldn’t like it if he was being treated this way but you have to make demands, you really do. Go out for a walk, get away from him and lock your phone when home. Get a support system going on, know your rights, etc. We are here to help. If you need anything really quick, talk to Lisa our moderator. She has things right at her fingertips.
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