What r u supposed to do

[Confused123]

For those of u who have left your abusers and r left with troubled kids, how do u cope , my eldest and me just had arguments he said everything is just about me all the time , he says we suffered too, I said I know and am trying to get u help too , he says if I break he will hurt everyone but yet he does y let me stay strong , I told him am trying my best to work so hard just to divorce this evil man who is his dad , trying to build future again , but if he thinks solution is just to threaten to punch everyone if he doesn’t get his way not going to work and he will just lose me like his dad lost me , can’t even remember what he said my head is so muddled , I said if u don’t want help just say it , he just replied u never tried hard enough to stop me going into drugs , I tried my best which he says wasn’t good enough and I just love my youngest And keep favourites I told him no one is my favourite and he is a mini version of his dad turning into a big version , says couldn’t care if goes into social service , fighting not to send him there maybe only option left

[Serenity]

Hi Confused,

I sympathise. My ex has left my kids with some anger issues especially my eldest, due to his awful treatment of us all. And the way he continues to behave.

I think kids try to blame their parents for everything; it’s only when they get older and have their own families that they realise how hard we tried. Plus, of course, your son is venting his confusion on you, but he needs to know at his age that he needs to find ways of channeling this constructively.

It’s good that he is opening up a bit, but he needs to be told to speak to you with respect, and to be told that as he gets older, he needs to take responsibility for his own bwpehabilur. If he needs support, he can ask for it and receive it, but he can’t just vent his frustration on you.

Ask him to consider what the possible consequences of his bad decisions are, and try to get him to name his feelings. Tell him that he needs to begin to think about and plan his future, and work for it: to go after what he wants. Life isn’t handed to him on a plate. When my eldest starts to apportion blame, I tell him it’s very easy to blame others and not look at yourself and what you could do differently. X

[Confused123]

hey hun

Such lovely advise thank u, yes well today he had his first counselling session which he has agreed to continue next week, yes i did say it was easier to blame others, feel bad cause i did have a good word with him and actually burst into tears in process which was not part of plan and just said u r doing exact same thing as your dad did and it is breaking me, he apologised and did say when i was driving dont like seeing u cry so hopefully something has sunk in

[Author]

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