This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 1 week, 2 days ago.

  • Author
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  • #87549
     IWillBeHappy 
    Participant

    It’s been nearly (detail removed by moderator) and this the third time I have separated from him with the intent of never going back.

    Last time I lasted (detail removed by moderator) weeks with out contact but that was before we had a baby.

    I have every intention of not getting back with him but I did before also. Have any ladies gone to any groups that helped them stop returning or was it councilling or because of what they did last?

    Any advice is welcome. I just can’t go back again but I have a horrible feeling it’s possible.

  • #87550
     JustKeepSinging 
    Participant

    Seeing how much happier my kids are when they are out of that house and atmosphere is the only thing that’s kept me going.
    When I’m really struggling I read my non mol witness statement, talk to the helpline and just read a load of threads on here.
    It’s not a good way probably but it’s all I have atm. I really want to go to groups and counselling as soon as I can though

  • #87554
     LozzyX 
    Participant

    I don’t have children to keep my going .. I returned and i am now beside myself with regret and emotional turmoil

    I contacted the helpline and just sobbed and sobbed as I was so angry at myself for going back..but j felt the support wasn’t there to help keep me away and he got back into my mind as we kept on touch for dog and house arrangements

    Best advice on here is the no contact rule … And if you can talk to the helpline or someone I can trust in them moments where you want to give in that would help…

    The helpline advisor also had some good advice – to look at what worked and what didn’t work last time I left him. And , to join the freedom programme (not done so yet as it’s during the day but will look at the online option soon).

    The advisor also.said it was really.commom for women to return many times before they finally leave so not to give myself a hard time

  • #87575
     Landy 
    Participant

    He made several serious (and false) allegations against me to the police. I feared I would end up in trouble and / or losing my job if he was still in my life. Plus I was sooooo tired of it all; the control, the violence, the not being able to have friends and family to the house (which I own), his alcoholism getting me further and further into debt, running myself ragged working and doing everything in the house and garden while he sat on his butt watching TV all day getting p****d on my money. I knew that whatever he said, he didn’t love me and I knew for sure it would never change.

  • #87577
     KIP. 
    Participant

    For me it was the police involvement. And his bail conditions. And zero contact. It’s really difficult in the beginning but if you can break that trauma bond, the world is yours x women’s aid, victim support, this forum, family, education on domestic abusers. Google Gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, love bombing, the cycle of abuse. Also, the effect abuse has on children for the rest of their lives shouldn’t be underestimated x it’s not just you to protect now x

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