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    • #110125
      seaglass
      Participant

      Hi, me again, still sat at the top of the diving board so it seems. I know I have to jump. But can anyone advise what I say to my child? I can’t think that we will both be on the same page when it comes to how we will explain it to him. He loves his daddy, and this last month particularly because there have been no “incidents” have been so much better for him.
      Also, mostly I see people on here who have had to leave, which obviously brings many more challenges than I will have as he will have to leave our home.
      But is there anyone who has had this experience who can offer any advice? I know I have to change locks etc but he has so much stuff here, clutter and junk that it is not going to be a simple job.
      I’m guessing there is never going to Feel a right time to tell him…..

    • #110326
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Seaglass,

      Thank you for posting. You are right, there is unlikely to be a time that feels 100% right to tell your child but believe you are doing the right thing for him by ending the relationship. You will find your own way to tell him and reassure him. I am sure others who have had a similar experience will be able to give you some suggestions when they are able to.

      Keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #110330
      Soulsearcher18
      Participant

      Hi Seaglass
      I don’t have any advice specifically on what to say but just to give them some space, reassure them that you both love them still and that you are there for them whatever questions they have. Give them options to speak to trusted adults other than yourself about it and to write it down if they are inclined to do this. Once the initial news has gone in, try to make some time for them to connect if you can- do activities, things they enjoy. Go easy with them.

      I’ve put some websites below that give advice about how to talk about seperating with children. Following the NSPCC would be good as this is what Social Services is likely to expect parents to follow. It’s wise to be careful what you say in case you ever end up in family court over contact. Stay balanced about dad and allow your child to talk to you openly about him. I’ve put a link for the hideout website on womens aid about children experiencing domestic abuse although I’d be careful in directing to this unless domestic abuse has been proven, or unless your child actually brings up domestic abuse issues themselves- you don’t want to be seen to influence them.

      There is the childline website and number and if trusted adults aren’t easily accessed and your child can’t talk to you then I would make this facility available to them so that they have someone neutral to talk to but that’s my personal opinion and you may not agree with that. Depending on the age of your child, there is also the youngminds.org.uk website for info and support.

      https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-separation-and-divorce/talking-about-separation/telling-children

      https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/your-children/what-to-tell-the-children-about-your-divorce-or-separation/

      https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

      Home

      I hope you find these useful.

      Do you have any local domestic abuse support to help you through this stage too?

      Soulsearcher

    • #110331
      Soulsearcher18
      Participant

      These are just my opinions Seaglass based on experience but if you are unsure about anything I’ve said, or info etc- please check in with Womens Aid. Thanks Soulsearcher x

    • #111024
      seaglass
      Participant

      Thank you for all this information. I have had a look. I’m still stuck, with no reason other than my own fear that I have done nothing. All I need to do is tell him to go, and I don’t know why I can’t.

    • #111025
      iliketea
      Participant

      Have you considered applying for an occupation order?
      What is it that’s stopping you from telling him? Is it fear of how he’ll react? They say this is the most dangerous time so can you have someone with you? Or someone to knock on the door or arrange to meet someone?
      Xx

    • #111034
      seaglass
      Participant

      I think it’s fear that it’s my fault, that I then become the baddie to our child. That maybe I’ve been overly dramatic. I actually think if I was the one going I would find it easier. He’s been taking advantage of our living situation for years yet I feel the unreasonable one. He knows none of this is ok and yet still stays without any apparent conscience, doing all the nice stuff with our child, never the ‘parenting’ stuff and he’s on best behaviour ‘dad’ wise.

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