What to tell my son

[Mummyboo]

Hi everyone,
I have recently left my husband due to physical and emotional abuse. I have 2 wee boys, the youngest is too young to even notice anything has changed he thinks he’s just having an extended sleep over at his auntie’s house. But my older boy is distraught, every day he asks me why I won’t go home and is really angry at me as he sees his daddy upset and begging me to come home and me just saying no. I’m just not sure what to tell him. I tried the old “it’s just grown up stuff and it’s not your fault but everyone still loves you” but he doesn’t seem to be buying it and is just miserable. My husband uses it too saying how everyone is miserable and if I just came back it would fix it all. I don’t want to tell my son too much as I don’t want him to hate his daddy but I just want him to be happy. He was such a happy boy and it breaks my heart as he seems like just a shell of himself now. Thanks x*x

[KIP.]

It’s a difficult one. You know your son best. The NSPCC have a helpline as well as women’s aid. They may be able to help you talk things through. Having been through similar although my son was much older. I can tell you that my ex lied and used every tactic in the book to make me look bad with my son. Meanwhile I was trying to make excuses for his fathers behaviour. Looking back I wish I’d been brutally honest with my son. Although he saw his dad assault me. I wish I’d just said that your father hurts me and I cannot and will not put up with it anymore. You don’t have to go into detail. Just know that these men have absolutely no morals, no common decency and there is no depths they won’t sink to. Including upsetting and using their children.

[Purplewoman]

It’s difficult especially when they are bonded to their dad. I’m afraid we need to be honest in an age appropriate manner. I am going to leave soon, and I know the youngest is going to be distraught. You just have to take it one day at a time, children are adaptable. Well done for leaving it’s never easy. And it will get better, their will be good and bad days. I do feel excited about leaving, however I will have to deal with the fall out when it comes. So I am trying to prepare myself for the worst.

I have to contact the council and if they can assist me then I’m more or less be able to pack up and leave. So many emotions will be felt, but it’s the only way to not be a direct target of abuse. I have found a place and just need to secure it. Fingers cross everything goes to plan. I have been planning for (detail removed by moderator) years, and the day is coming near to leave. I wanted to do it years ago, but I had to get so many things into place. It’s not easy when you have children. I know the ex-husband will use every trick in the book.

[Confused123]

hi just say daddy hurt mummy, now mummy and daddy cant live together but both love u and u will put things in place so he can see his dad reguarly but for now he willhave to wait while mummy sorts things out, keep telling him the same each time, message will sink in slowly, its heartbreaking watching our kids hurt but long term is for best

[AppleNinja]

Hello Mummyboo,
It must be so difficult for you and your boys. I’m preparing to leave and I’m expecting my daughter will be the same way as your older son, at least for a while.
All I can say is stay strong and be honest with him (appropriate to age, as said above). You will be a good example to him as someone who doesn’t put up with being hurt, someone who takes a stand and doesn’t back down. Even though your son won’t realize it just yet.
Very best wishes,
AppleNinja

[Author]

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