What to tell?

[Hazydayz]

I met an old school friend yesterday, it was like the years rolled back whilst we chatted but then…she took my phone number and said let’s stay in touch! I don’t want to lose another friend! I have been hurt by one last year who abandoned our friendship, I fear… because she thought I was pathetic? living this life, I know it! She never said anything, she had said she was there for me when I told her what I was going through and then after drawing me close again she vanished off my radar. She abandoned my trust in her, It left me feeling very hurt! So… Is this going to happen again? I ask myself. What to tell? If anything? But how can I be myself? and I don’t want to lie.

[Hazydayz]

I think I’ve decided? I won’t worry! If I feel I need to explain? I will I won’t assume because 1 friend walked! dissapointed! another 1 will. I’ll wait to see. Is she more understanding? Less judgemental? Of a situation she may have no experience of?

[KIP.]

All these experiences you’re having aren’t wasted. It’s how you rebuild social skills and resilience so yes, let’s see what she does. I’d maybe text first and say how nice it was to catch up and can we put a date in the diary for a coffee? Taking control can also be empowering x you’re moving forward which is great x

[calendula]

KIP i like this outlook….no experience is wasted….sometimes it’s how we have to learn….like pottery in the kiln… refined and strengthed by the fire

[Hazydayz]

Yes I do too! Good advice as always from KIP. Thankyou both

[Hazydayz]

Yes KIP your right, there’s value in everything we can learn from. I learnt I’ve still got the art of conversation in me but My social skills are not getting used much these days though I’ve never been backwards in coming forwards so yes let’s see what happens next? We’re on the same wavelength! as Ive already text her last night and said… It was nice to see and speak to her again yesterday, I actually followed her lead as she did say text me, after I took the initiative and asked for her number. I haven’t heard back yet? I’ll give her a week then remind her of my number maybe? Yes, I might be moving forward or taking a small step back? if I don’t get a reply sometime in the not too distant future. Nice idea KIP meeting up with her maybe? I could just do with someone I used to know who knew me well, to get together with me over coffee and have a good old chinwag, to remind me of who I used to be.

[Anonymous]

I have experienced this also , watching so called friends disappear from my life , saying they would be there for me if I needed them and to find actually they are not ! These are not friends and I wouldn’t be hard on yourself as I don’t think it’s your fault for being in a situation that they can’t handle . If they were true friends they wouldn’t have done what they did which was abandon you when you needed them , friends don’t do that no matter the situation. If your previous friend disappeared from your life then you can do without people like that around you , that shows their true character and loyalty to you . I would take it easy , see how it goes , enjoy what you can out of this reconnection, but don’t give too much of yourself away x

[Hazydayz]

Thanks Duchess. It’s tough finding out who your friends arn’t when you need them isn’t it. Yes your right, who needs friends like that. The thing is the friend who let me down, well she had a lot of support from me in the past as she has (detail removed by moderator) and I always understood the difficulty that posed to her but it does seem that she can’t think of me in return. Actually, I think she was after my husband’s attention really, after she first met him (there’s a bit of a history with her fancying my partner’s) she called a few times and of course my husband objected, though he acted nice at first towards her. But then blurted something nasty about her, so I told her what my husband said of her, It wasn’t nice! But I wanted to prove how horrible he could be as she seemed to be falling for his charms. I guess? She couldn’t take it! I did warn her that’s what treatment I was getting! I didn’t see her after that? I have since read though, that (detail removed by moderator), can cause some people to become sex fixated apparantly? So yes, I will check out my friend before saying anything. I will not give too much of myself, I’ve made that mistake too often. x

[Wants To Help]

Hi hazydays,

If this lady doesn’t get in touch again please don’t take it personally. I have often reconnected with people from my past and enjoyed a few hours catch up with laughs and fond memories, we’ve swapped numbers and suggested we must ‘do this again, it’s been so nice’ but then as the weeks go on it just doesn’t happen. There’s no malice involved, the meeting up was a genuinely pleasant and a nice experience, but sometimes that’s all it’s meant to be.

I am single, my son has grown up and has his own life and I do have a certain amount of free time, but many people don’t and they are not a freely available as we are. I do hope that this lady does mean what she says and you are not disappointed. My advice would be to send her a text over the weekend and say how much you enjoyed her company and see if you can plan another coffee or lunch date, or an evening meal, in 2-3 weeks time. Most people can plan that far ahead, so if she’s serious about keeping in touch then she should be able to make that commitment with you. If she shows some level of ‘uncertainty’ about when she’s free again then it’s likely it’s been one of those ‘one-off’ events of a catch up and you’ll know the score.

xx

[Hazydayz]

Hi wantstohelp, yesof course, your right. Maybe it was just exciting seeing her again briefly. I guess I was surprised and thought it would be good to have her back in my empty circle of friends when she gave me her phone number and invited me to give her a text. She seemed keen! And so was I to stay in touch. At the back of my mind I admit I was thinking…how lucky it was running into her again. She used to (detail removed by moderator) as she is a (detail removed by moderator) and if I’m honest, I had hoped, along with enjoying her company again maybe? I could get a new look too maybe? I can’t afford (detail removed by moderator) prices living on an oh so tight budget. So I would of offered her the money which might if helped her too? Anyway, I’ve text her. (detail removed by moderator), I text to say…nice running into you today and I let her have my phone number as she had suggested. I haven’t heard anything back from her yet? But who knows? Anyway, She has my number now. Yes, I’ll wait to find out the score. xx

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