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For me it was a safe place to live that I could easily afford.
I lost my home.
And that was due to the lack of support and the persecution by those who should have helped me.I ended up in an entirely new area, that I did initially not like at all.
I still miss my old area badly.
I had to start allover again in an overpriced rented accommodation.
My new place was not even safe. It lacked basic security, such as lights when it became dark.
Over the years I convinced my landlord to do a few improvements and now my home is very safe.
But when I needed it the most I had no safety measures in place and no charity and neither the council listened to my pleas to make my home safe.I was let down on all levels.
I will never forget this and I blame and complain about this.
Whenever I get an opportunity I talk about this and I can be notorious when I meet persons who have a responsibility for this type of thing.I think safe housing is a necessity that we as women urgently need in order to dare moving away from an abusive male partner.
He found out the area where I moved to and I count my luck that he never found out my exact address.
I might not be alive anymore.
But nobody protected me.
It was me alone who safeguarded myself until this day.
I still avoid where he potentially goes, although those are places that I love and dearly miss.
I feel restricted for no reason.
Not I should have to stay away from where I would love to go!
The perpetrator should be banned from these places!There is a lot to fight for in this patriarchal world.
As women we have not gained our full rights yet.
Violent men still rule and determine our everyday moves.
This injustice must end. Otherwise we will never have freedom. -
For me I guess it was fear of being alone. He proposed early on the relationship and I just couldn’t see any other path for me in life than marrying this guy. Of course the first couple of years he wasn’t that abusive so I was actually in love and looking forward to marrying and spending the rest my life with him. My obstacles for fleeing were all in my head, I was just so emotionally dependent on him! Thank God I’m out, still struggling with the effects of the abuse, but at least I don’t get beat up and yelled at all the time anymore!
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Mine was probably that I was unable to recognise that I was being abused. His gaslighting was so successful that for years I thought that I was the problem and that I just had to work harder to fix it. That coupled with my lack of confidence in myself at work (also a result of abuse) combined to make it mentally very hard to think about leaving.
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Mine was the fear of what he would do to himself. The fear that I was going to ruin his life. Then the fear that he would convince me to go back, at the time I really felt that there was something he could say and I would just go back without question, so I should just stay where I was.
He had made me utterly responsible for him. He had brainwashed me into thinking anything which went wrong was my fault. At the same time he convinced me I was the only person who could fix it. When I didn’t fix it right, he went mad. No wonder my head felt battered all the time and I was miserable.
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Mine is, what will happen to him.. fear of the guilt. Fear of if I leave, can I cope with the guilt… fear of missing him so much.. fearing the good time memories although wasnt that much good memory but still. Fear of not be able to forget him and move on. Fear of having him on my mind all the time.. and thinking where is he.. what is he doing.. and the guilt
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Fear of not to be strong enough to deal with all the emotions I get after.. fear of being alone completly.. fear of loss.. fear of a loser.. fear of a taking the mask off for family and friends.. fear of not be able to trust at all. Fear of the guilt of even thinking about someone else.. or even love somebody else.. I feel like, if I love someone else, back of my mind tell me u shouldnt. How can you think about someone else.. u should think about him only and only. He needs you. How can you leave him.. he is innocent. Sometimes I think, if he leave me.. or if he goes with someone else.. will be easier for me.. in that way.. I am so hurt but I feel less guilty.
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Mine was not even knowing that I was in an abusive relationship. Once he escalated the abuse too far and too fast, and I had reached my “f- this!” moment, I made my escape very quickly. I was lucky in many ways – it could have turned out so much worse.
Iwillbeok x
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Mine is definitely my worry/guilt about how he will cope. We have a business together as well so I worry that he will struggle to keep the business going alone and that his whole life will fall apart – wife and kids gone, business failed and no home left. I don’t want to destroy him I just don’t want to be there anymore. How he looks to others is so important to him and I worry he might do something stupid because of the shame/sadness at being left.
I’m still planning to go very soon but I keep having massive doubts that I can actually go through with it.
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Mine said to me you will not destroy me in a text message. I said I don’t want to do anything like that, I just can’t live with you anymore. They just don’t see things the same.
I also have awful guilt every minute of the day it feels like. He has no job, no friends, and now no wife and no children. Why couldn’t they see they should’ve been so much nicer?! I didn’t even ask for much. I just couldn’t take his scary unpredictable intimidating abusive behaviour towards me anymore.
It’s so sad.
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It took me forever to recognise the abuse for what it was. I wanted to have children. I believed him when he said he wanted to work it out. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I wanted to believe him when he said his way of doing sex was affection. It wasn’t. I was a thing to him. Not sure where that leaves me. Our sex life had huge gaps only fixed by marriage guidance which helped me to regain undeserved trust in him.
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