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So an update to my story. I had planned to ask him to leave before the corona virus came into play. We are on lockdown which I was dreading but his behaviour cannot be faulted. He does the things he never did. Ie.making bed making dinner etc. Now my resolve is slipping..why is he being nice and normal now no bad moods. I did wonder if it’s because I am exactly where he wants me..ie cant go out cant see people.. basically i cant do anything that would annoy him. I had a long chat with s family member and I’m wondering if she has given him a heads up and is he behaving due to this reason. I’m confused.
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Trust your gut; what you describe makes absolute sense to me, especially if you have noticed that these are things he usually has a go at you for – for basically having a life hey. Can’t comment on the chat with a family member, sho knows; sadly one thing we do definately know though is that it won’t last x
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In my experience blood is always thicker than water. My guess is she’s spoken to him. His change of behaviour is temporary so don’t nit forget his past abuse. He’s counting on that. This is like the cycle of abuse. You’re getting the honeymoon period. It won’t last so be prepared for his next outburst. Have a safe exit plan in place. Speak to women’s aid about a safe exit plan. Yes you’re exactly where he wants you, but only because he now can abuse you when he feels like it. And it won’t take long. Keep a secret journal and write down all the incidents of abuse and how they made you feel. And remember at the moment he’s only doing what any partner should be doing. He doesn’t get credit for that.
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I would absolutely keep a journal but he is always there. If I go downstairs he goes downstairs. Your right I need to hang on to the bad memories. It’s so easy to just let things slide because they are being good. I’m hanging on to living with the denominator as the similarities are uncanny. Once I’m able to move about I’m sure things will kick off again. It’s a year to the day that he had the big outburst..wonder if he remembers. I do. Thanks ladies shall keep u posted. I’m currently on asking him to leave unsuccessfully number 2 and I’m praying that number 3 will be soon and more successful. Hope you guys are keeping safe.
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He’s absolutely going nowhere. You’ve already asked him to leave, he knows you’re desperately unhappy and don’t want him anymore but he simply doesn’t care. If I was in his position I’d be long gone, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want me, but they truly don’t see it that way. He doesn’t care what you think. My ex had sex with me when he knew I didn’t want it. That’s what they’re like. It’s an extreme example maybe, but he has no interest in your feelings and what you think or want. It’s his house, his rules, his family and he’s the king of the castle, his castle. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is another good book. Mr nasty is still there and even between the bad stuff yours still on eggshells, still anxious, he’s still following you, not allowing you enough privacy to write a journal. He knows you want out and it’s a dangerous time for you. I was violently assaulted when I tried to end things and wouldn’t back down. If you bring it up now he will throw all the effort he’s been making in your face. It’s pointless trying to negotiate or communicate so make your own exit plan separate from him x
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