- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by KIP..
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27th January 2020 at 7:13 pm #96599GoldenheartParticipant
I’ve been with my partner for some years now. He (detail removed by moderator) years ago which leaves him in a lot of pain. When we were dating he seemed wonderful. We had a lot in common and wanted the same things for the future. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. We had been together for several months before we slept together. Afterwards he started getting ‘busy’ a lot and would prefer to hang out with his friends and sometimes get angry suddenly or ignore me for days.
We worked through it and he seemed to be happy when he moved into my flat. Over the last couple of years he started to change. He lost his job (detail removed by moderator) and hasn’t worked since. He is angry with me every day. He picks up on anything I do wrong like the cleaning, washing and cooking which he says I don’t do right. He says if I cared and loved him enough I would listen, learn and do it properly. I know he is in pain (detail removed by moderator) and I make excuses for him and blame it on that and losing his job. I try to help him when he is in pain but he pushes me away physically and emotionally. He calls me stupid, swears at me, says he hates me most days.We slept together for the first time in a year and he said he regretted it and he felt cheap and dirty for sleeping with me and he would never do it again. He says I’m incapable of doing anything right which makes me feel worthless and hopeless. Is it my fault? Could I do something better to help him? -
27th January 2020 at 7:44 pm #96602KIP.Participant
There is nothing wrong with you. Sadly you have been trapped by an abuser. His treatment of you is dreadful and he knows exactly what he’s doing. If he was the pain he would be abusive and swear at everyone. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you so badly and makes you feel terrible? Can you contact your local women’s aid for support. Or ring the domestic abuse helpline. Have a look at the book Living with the Dominator. Google trauma bonding. Cycle of abuse. You deserve so much better and his behave is deliberately designed to destroy you, your self esteem and your confidence.
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27th January 2020 at 8:21 pm #96604HettyParticipant
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. This man is emotionally abusing you and stripping you of your self worth. Everything he says about you is a projection of how he feels about himself. How dare he come into your home and treat you this way. Don’t believe his vile abuse. All lies to keep you feel vulnerable. What value does he actually bring to your life? You could flourish without him xx
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27th January 2020 at 9:31 pm #96609diymum@1Participant
I for one have a disease and I’m in pain everyday but I’d never take that out on anyone. This is an abusive mentality. They reflect back on you how inferior they really feel xx this isn’t you
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28th January 2020 at 6:29 am #96623GoldenheartParticipant
He gets so angry sometimes. He throws stuff and kicks and slams doors a lot. Sometimes he’ll be sarcastic to me then do something nice and then follow it up with a horrible comment. It’s really confusing. I can understand he’s angry because he is in pain and he doesn’t socialise much since losing his job. He used to be really independent before losing his job. Sometimes I think he’s right and I don’t do things right. I start to do something nice or help and I get nervous because I know he’ll react badly. If I step back and let him try to do something then I get horrible comments about how I don’t care and I’m useless. When he says he wishes he were dead or that I were dead hurts a lot. He does get very upset at times and I try and comfort him but he shoves me and swears at me. I want to help him but whatever I do just doesn’t seem to be right or good enough.
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28th January 2020 at 8:56 am #96631FudgecakeParticipant
Hi Goldenheart
He’s showing you the real him. And because you are a compassionate and caring person he will use these qualities to manipulate,bully,control and emotionally abuse and most likely if you stay long enough physicality abuse you too. We can’t fix these types only get destroyed in the process of appeasing them 24/7.
I’m sure deep down you have a little voice saying “Get out of this now.”
I’d make plans to exit this relationship and listen to that gut feeling. -
28th January 2020 at 12:20 pm #96639KIP.Participant
Google the cycle of abuse x
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