Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    • #13297

      Came on t.v the news or whatever he used to say don’t u dare class me like them bstrds cos there proper psychopaths. Also he has a friend who funnily enough is abusive and he used to sit and play hell about him to me I thought how on earth have u the cheek. It were as though he had done nothing wrong…. X

    • #13299

      My ex would always have stories about how dreadful everyone else’s behaviour was. As if he was a saint. He hid behind these stories, deflecting attention away from his disgusting behaviour x I see your brain is still sifting through the abuse. I went through months of brain chatter, it’s normal and it will pass, I think we need to organise these things in our head, this site is great for getting those thoughts out there.

      • #13308

        How strange , mine has the same stance, I have a couple of books of reformed abusers and he gets really angry if i I even mention their names, he will say i’m nothing like them. He also says don’t compare me with those sort of people.
        I wonder do the realy not see the truth are they incapable.
        I’ve also been told I don’t know what abuse is, just beacuse im not beaten black and blue.
        Good to share these things

      • #13310

        K.I.P Good to read about sifting through he abuse, although I can’t leave, I’ve left emotionally and I have non stop thoughts about all past abuse and pictures coming up in my head of instances of it, it seems its a good thing to be happening although very painful as befero, I was inthe cycle of abuse and then the better times and cut off the reality of all of the years of abuse.

      • #13351
        Escaped not free

        They don’t see it your right. When I told my ex I won’t be back to the house while he is there as the kids and I are scared of him. I told him the school was involved because my son was so unhappy. I’d risk losing my children if I took them back to him. He told me he’d been to see his solicitor and was going to sue me for portraying him as a wife b****r and I was disgusting for suggesting I was scared of him. He’d often be critical of men who were violent to their partners but didn’t see the psychological threatening behaviour he put me through was worse. Or obviously holding me by the throat when I disagreed with him til I said sorry, or pushing me over or standing on me or laughing if I burned myself on a hot pot. He was different to the wife beaters, he was a good guy. X

    • #13302

      When I was reading up about abuse, I read about how abusers have a very low tolerance for others who, in fact, share exactly the same abusive traits as them- yet they don’t see it!

      For example, my ex is money-minded and greedy. Yet he hated anyone else who showed signs of being this way. And he does his best to hide his money and claim poverty, denying his true greed.

      He was bossy, inflexible and domineering- but couldn’t bear being around anyone else who was like this.

      I also read that they will go as far as to ‘jump in and save you’ when someone treats you exactly as they always do- as if to sympathise with you, but in fact they treat you in exactly the same way. Well, my ex normally showed me zero support, and in fact I would say he was so cruel as to purposely try to side with the offending person in order to make me feel even more hurt and alone, but on the odd occasion I remember him apparently being supportive in saying negative things about someone who wasn’t being very kind to me- and at the time I was touched that he was feeling supportive- but now I realise that it wasn’t that at all.

      Either this person irritated him becUse they reminded him of his true self, or as KIP says, he realised the similarity and was trying to criticise that person to deflect attention away from his own crimes and appear the good guy in comparison.

    • #13309

      Serenity, Mine will never ever take my side in anything or ever validate me hurt and feelings, he will belittle me, say im over reacting or mental and dont know how to deal with life, or find some way to try to blame me for whatever the other person has done. He will be cruel and always defend the other person who may have treated me badly, I havn’t read this from anywhere else, but it does not matter what the offense to me is how ever hurtful , he will jump to the other persons defence and excuse them, good to know this is yet another thing that someone else has suffered.

    • #13321

      Hi Godschild,

      Yes being ‘devil’s advocate’ is another abuse tactic of theirs! X

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content