When did you know you had to get out?

[PaleBlueStar]

I have a dear friend. Like me she’s in a difficult marriage with a complex controlling man. She tried to get away (detail removed by moderator) but it didn’t work out. After DV towards (detail removed by moderator), she was given a social worker as the fact she didn’t stop it was recognised that she was also abused and scared. She’d had a (detail removed by moderator) etc in the past.

The SW encouraged her to leave but she didn’t. Now she’s in a terrible state. Has gone totally uncommunicative and hardly eating so lost a lot of weight. I’m so worried for her but can see what she is doing. She’s leaving her s****y marriage by starving herself. She’s refusing all treatment. She’s given up. Her girls are leaving home and she will be left with him.

When I picked up what she was doing it resonated with me. During lockdown I considered self harm and suicide. And then I realised that if I could get out of my marriage. Make the move I’d get my life back. Otherwise I could end up like her. I don’t know how to help her but if I get out and she’s still with us she could come and stay.

It was the moment for me to stop kidding myself things would ever improve and recognise that I was rarely happy, always scared and trying to make myself very small and quiet to stay out of trouble.

[Lisa]

Hi PaleBlueStar

I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about yours and your friend’s situation.

It sounds like you have realised that things will not get better while you stay in this relationship. I really hope that you already have some practical and emotional support in place from your local domestic abuse service who can help you to leave safely.

Take care and keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

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