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    • #145367
      pigglewump
      Participant

      I left my abusive marriage (detail removed by Moderator) ago, losing pretty much everything in the process including my dogs.

      I couldn’t work during the relationship as my XH was unwell. I studied for a degree at home, achieving the best result possible, which was amazing considering my XH wouldn’t even let me sleep.

      I needed a year to obtain a further qualification, having been out of the job market for years and also the field I want to go into requires it, so I’m studying full time and can’t currently work.

      My XH left me with tens of thousands of pounds of debt and liabilities. I had to apply for my decree absolute with no financial award or provision given he was using the legal process as another form of control and abuse. It wasn’t worth it. He is being sued by multiple people, his life is a mess. Going NC was the only way to preserve my sanity. I thought I would at least have a bit of financial support whilst I retrained given I was basically his unpaid carer and slave for years on end, but no.

      I initially felt so good after leaving, I managed to get set up in a new flat with financial support from another man who I started a relationship with. I had no furniture, no household items, nothing. My XH kept it all.
      That ended, but I’ll always be grateful to him. I couldn’t have done it otherwise. It’s amazing I managed to attract someone so lovely after everything, and I was completely in love with him but the reasons we couldn’t be together were complicated. So although the practical help was a god send, emotionally I was totally destroyed when it ended. The only saving grace when I left my XH was that I never loved him, so that part of me was at least spared. But now that’s been lost too.

      I actually feel worse now than I did after I left. I’m still struggling to get back on my feet. I still have so much debt and no longer have the support from my last relationship. I’m struggling to afford my basic living expenses now. My previous landlords are threatening to sue me, and threatening me generally, because when my XH eventually left our former property he left it in such a state, and has disappeared so they can’t get hold of him. They were being so vile to me, even after I explained what I had been through, I had to report them to the police for harassment. Thankfully I had myself taken off the tenancy agreement but the fact they have been so disgusting towards me beggars belief.

      I still can’t work yet as I haven’t finished my course. I’m so angry at everything, it’s affecting my studies. I lost everything, I am literally trying to crawl my way back by my fingernails, everything is a struggle, and I feel so alone.

      When does it stop? Over a year and he is still ruining my life. I blocked him on everything, he changed his number and is still attempting to contact me. What more is there to take? I feel like I have lost everything there is to lose. I am now having to sell the beautiful jewellery my ex partner bought me just to be able to survive and pay my rent.

      When does it get better?

    • #145391
      Watersprite
      Participant

      I am afraid it takes time and as long as it takes – probably not what you want to hear but you know there are no magic wands and there is always injustice after abuse whether it be financial career injury emotional wounds loss of friends home family. Sure it can feel like everything BUT you can reflect quite how far you have come how you have freed yourself. You are not the same person but you can grow these experiences so make us stronger so keep going it does get better but it’s a journey it takes time and there are lots of ups and downs. I find it so upsetting that people think when we leave it’s suddenly done over but that’s not my experience either. So much fall out . A couple of suggestions in case it helps – CAB re financials Surviving economic abuse org maybe you could consider a non mol order – don’t know enough about your situation to see if you would qualify or report unwanted repeated contact to police as harassment – at least they would log it . But hold on it does get better x*x

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