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    • #146309
      I-Survived
      Participant

      hey everyone.. Was just writing to see if anyone else relates. (this is also my first time doing something like this)
      I still feel as if i’m being held. Like I cant escape from the constant fear of being back in that situation. I have been free for years now. I am safe and getting on (as much as i can) with my life, but i cant seem to get thoughts out of my head that its going to come back.
      I often have flashbacks, night terrors my anxiety is fairly high. I cant be in situations that take me back so like shouting, certain areas even some aftershaves i can never smell anymore. when does it get easier? or will it ever? i feel like me having panic attacks is him winning over and over because i still think about him. I’m not sure how to get past this.. help?

    • #146310
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi I-survived,

      Recovery is a lifelong journey I think but there are things that you can do to help.

      I had EMDR (available free from Insight IAPT). It took care of the nightmares and stopped he from dwelling on things constantly.

      There are all sorts of therapies that can help you to move forward. Please talk to your GP. xx

    • #146318
      I-Survived
      Participant

      Thank you for your comment 🙂
      I think getting caught up with your own mind can be more dangerous than good. I have been seeking help for (ptsd) and hopefully i can get into some sort of peace.
      I don’t think it will ever get easier if i’m being honest i don’t have much faith in myself.
      Even though i’f free i never feel like i was and this is coming up to (detail removed by Moderator) years

    • #146327
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      My eldest is describing these exact symptoms, we’re only recently out but they are scared to go downstairs in case he’s here despite being in a new home, keeps thinking they hear his voice, burst into tears in town with friends as friends tested a body spray he used to use and the smell triggered them. I’ve contacted our local DV centre and they’ve sent us referral forms for counselling they have access to, so might be something you could explore too x

    • #146333
      I-Survived
      Participant

      I’m sorry to hear that your eldest feels like that. It horrible when you get a trigger and you feel like you’re world is falling apart again. I hope they get the help they need

    • #146364
      Auriel
      Participant

      I takes time I don’t think we ever go back to the people we were before the abuse (I’ve not anyway) but it gets easier in time but you’ve a right to life a right to happiness and to feel safe, I don’t know when it’ll start to get easier for you but we’re always gonna get triggered by things/reminders feel scared, have memories but I know that if I spent the rest of my life like a tortoise hidden in my shell my abusers would be very happy and I’m not allowing them that, they took soooo much from me already, I don’t know what support you’ve got around you but whatever you can that makes you feel safer and happy (even if it’s momentary) do that and if you need the wail and bawl do that too (or at least acknowledge your hurting) but its a road a forever road a learning road a healing road a survivors road
      ❤️🤗❤️

      • #146376
        I-Survived
        Participant

        Thank you for your lovely comment 🥰 it’s been years and I think I’m just fed up feeling like I’m nothing but the person that was abused ( if that makes sense) I think I pushed my feeling under the rug for so long and because it’s all being brought back up it’s hurting me more this time around
        But I don’t want to let him win anymore! I want to be happy and live my life easier said than done 🤦🏻‍♀️

      • #146407
        Auriel
        Participant

        You have those rights hun, abusers take a lot from us, our feelings of safety, our faith in humanity, our pride, our confidence, our trust in people (and if the abuse was sexual) our wanting to look nice and safety in looking nice or paranoia about our bodies, we are scarred from it there’s no denying but I’m at a point where instead of just fear and disgust at myself I’ve got angry and fed up (at my repulsive abusers) the amount of life they’ve taken from me and there may come a point where you get to that stage too, I blocked my feelings shut down stuffed down they came out as self destructive coping mechanisms, now I feel to heal and I’m ready to take myself out of my fear based comfort zones.Get all the support you need (you were a person you had loves/likes/interests and things that made her happy) she’s still there she just got lost under the rubble and the sickness and trauma that is d.v + d.a
        💜🤗💜

      • #146451
        I-Survived
        Participant

        I needed that thank you 🥰 I need to work on not bottling my feelings inside and try and talk instead of becoming defensive. It’s just alot for someone to deal with I think with everyone we all have bad days and we all have great days 💙 I’m so happy to hear your healing

      • #146464
        Auriel
        Participant

        It took a while (ongoing process still) but absolutely! bottling is so harmful and detrimental it’s not easy to feel and acknowledge at first but it gets easier, good luck and get support (even if it’s ringing women’s aid) or speak to gp see if they can find you a trauma group or counsellor, good luck 😚💗🤗

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