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Its been a couple of months since I left my abuser and this morning i was thinking about telling someone the details of our relationship and I started to hurt… All over again. These pains left me feeling very tired and almost broken. I tried to focus on something else.. Which helped.. But i felt so tired.. Then a couple hours later while conversing with my dad ( with whom i have a strained relationship) i found myself feeling very agitated… And i dont think it was because of what we were discussing… Our discussion was trivial, but i really cant talk to my father.. i got so aggravated.. I started to cry.. Now my chest hurts…
I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of feeling hurt, especially knowing i am not a bad person. Sometimes i think the abuse would have been acceptable if I deserved it.. BUT I DIDNT. And WE NEVER DESERVE IT. Now i have to pick up all the broken parts of myself and fit them together again. With working.. With everything else in life. Can anyone give me a rough estimate of how long i am expected to feel this way? -
It depends on the length and investment in the relationship I think. I was decades with my abuser and it took two years to begin to really see the clear picture. I think the early days are by far the worst. It’s like a drug addiction and terrible withdrawal symptoms. Slowly the good days will out number the bad days. You will think about him less and less. It could be months. We need to grieve and recover. Often PTSD is there and councelling can be really helpful x
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Hi anewbreath
Ian hoping you have some support in way of councilling to help with your painI’ve been out a while now .it does get easier
But other days is hard ..everyone has there own healing time there is no time limit hunI was diagnosed with ptsd it’s took a bit toll on me ..but Iam working through the pain he caused .. get councilling was the best thing I did x sending you hugs x
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Hi, it is a rollercoaster hon! I’ve been free for a little while and have come a long way (very much second the idea of counselling!). I have my ‘meh’ days and my good days and so many less crushing bad days. Then I have evenings like tonight when I got home I cried as I thought my heart would break!
I’ve since dusted myself off and had some quiet time and some laughs with my daughter. Despite my tears, the house is much calmer and less tense than when he lived here.
Take care hon, big hugs x -
Hi, A New Breath.
It’s a gradual process.
Some days you need to just sit and do nothing but rest and look after yourself; other days you might feel a bit stronger.
On the days you really need to rest, do it. On the days you feel a bit stronger, I would say try to rebuild. Nothing massive, just a brick at a time.
We can rebuild ourselves after abuse. And we can build ourselves into a strong fortress!
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I found that you can’t force yourself into happiness and freedom. It takes a long time. You unfortunately, have to go through all the emotions, there’s no escape. Then of course it depends on each individual and family situations too.
A good support network with friends, family or work etc is helpful. I suffer with PTSD and have had counselling and taking anti depressants which has helped a lot.
Don’t try to force yourself well, it doesn’t work. Be kind to yourself, eat well and try to do things that help you relax. Things do get better, I promise you it will x
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hi hun
u have good days and bad days, u are still at early stage, again like others ahve said depends how long u was with him, what u exeprienced etc, i know we put too much pressure on ourselves to get over it, im (detail removed by Moderator) years on and it is getting easier , i still get odd trigger days when he comes in my head, but most of time i seem to have good days now, hang in there and reach out to us , best therapy
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