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So I haven’t posted or even been on here for a while. Things have been better and I was starting to question what I was even doing. Have I just been exaggerating everything? And enjoying the good while it lasted. But then something jolts you back. Not physical, although I have started to become aware that he might throw something at me. But no, it’s more the emotions put downs and the mind games. To cut a long story short he asked me for something and I said no, first time I think I have done before. And of course he didn’t like it… I’m selfish, only care about myself and can just f**k off. But the way he talks is so matter of fact, like it’s just normal language and he can’t see that it is hurtful & offensive. I get ignored, but then he cooks dinner as if nothing has happened. But then he starts again, being abusive and rude about the people around me and that I care about so much. Making me feel ashamed about the person I am and doubt everything about the way I live my life. I’m sorry this is a complete ramble. I’m just done with feeling this way. I’m become more and more envious of friends and their happy relationships, that’s not me and I don’t want to end up bitter. When he gets me down like this my thoughts start spiralling and I feel down about all sad things. It takes all my energy to keep going and keep strong. Oh well tomorrow is a new day.
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Mine will cook us dinner despite if there’s an argument before saying I’m not having any and I can get my own. 9 times out of 10 he always makes me some though which I thought was him feeling bad about saying I cant have any. Maybe it is, maybe it isnt. It’s exhausting trying to work them out.
I’m not a bitter person either but look at ‘normal’ relationships and cant help but feel a twinge of slight bitterness.. like how could I have ended up with this cr*p. Used to think love conquers all and that we were soul mates so I just needed to put up with it and try to change in some way. I’m slowly realising I was wrong all along.
Take care, hope you have a better day tomorrow x -
Hello You are describing gaslighting and this kind of psychological abuse is just so destabilising and knocks our confidence and self esteem it keeps us where they want us – controlled. Reach out to women’s aid read up on gaslighting. The nice bits never really last do they …. you deserve so much more x
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