This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #70162
     Landy 
    Participant

    When will I be ready to say goodbye? He lives in my house, doesn’t work, lies, abuses me. Tells me he’ll get me arrested for wasting police time and perjury and f*** My career right up. I feel like a stranger in my own house. He sleeps in the bed. I sleep on the sofa. He decides what we watch on tv, who we see. When will I have had enough? I’m such a coward:( I’m typing this from my car; sitting out here freezing, while he’s inside MY house, watching MY tv in front of MY fire. Some days I wish I’d come home and find him dead so it’s all over.

  • #70167
     thelightinme 
    Participant

    Hi Landy.
    I’ve felt very similar to you over the years. Nothing felt like it was really mine any more. But, on the other hand, I knew I didn’t want to leave until I was ready, to avoid retracting. I can’t say I felt totally strong enough when I decided to leave with my children, because I was actually shaking and dealing with depression. But I still did it because something clicked inside, there was a point of no return. I couldn’t recognise myself in the mirror.
    It sounds like you’re reaching that point. It’s either you or him.
    Continue to reach out to others who can help.
    I send you lots of strength xx

  • #70193
     Landy 
    Participant

    Thank you.

    He’s been arrested.(detail removed by Moderator) He isn’t sorry and never will be. He’ll make fictitious counter allegations, which I dread, but I have many witnesses to what he’s been doing. I never wanted it to be this way. I truly loved him and feel it’ll take at least 100 years to get over it.

  • #70196
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi Landy, you sound stronger, I think you’re getting very near. However this is the most dangerous time for you. He will sense you are pulling away. Beginning to see his mask slip. He won’t like that and that’s when he will become very violent. If it’s your home you can change the locks or have him removed by the police. Even request bail conditions so that he’s not allowed near you. No amount of loving him will make him stop hurting you. He is not your responsibility and he will continue to suck the joy and happiness from you while he thrives. Time to take back control, safety x

  • #70211
     Landy 
    Participant

    I’ve made my statement(detail removed by Moderator). On the advice of a friend, I downloaded a voice recorder app and it’s picked up him abusing and hitting me, (detail removed by Moderator). Just waiting to hear. I couldn’t have done this without you guys and I’ll need you so much in the coming days. I’m going to have to give up his dog, who I love very much. That breaks my heart:(

  • #70213
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey, absolutely well done. Ask for bail conditions to keep him away meantime. Victim Support were a great help to me too. Give them a ring. We simply cannot do this on our own. Think about the dog going to a loving safe home where he/she can get the love and attention needed. My ex used to abuse my dog. So you’re actually keeping it safe.

  • #70214
     Frankfurter 
    Participant

    You are stronger than you realise. Well done for doing this, it is incredibly hard, but equally worthwhile. You can do this.

  • #70231
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Landy, well done that’s a huge step you’ve taken. As fir the dog, I agree, think of it being loved and with a loving family. I have 3,2 of which I feel will need retrained if that’s possible. They are very damaged by him too, I can’t get them to dogs trust yet,(they are the only place id let my pets go to, they can care for them until you’re able to take them back or they will rehome them for you too, they work with Clare’s Law as they know pets are traumatised too)
    Again well done, so proud of you💜💜
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70289
     Landy 
    Participant

    There’s no question of him not getting his dog back. He adores her and has never been unkind to her, albeit that she has had to witness his abuse of me.

    He’s been bailed, the terms of which are that he can’t contact me in any way. I guess his family will be in touch today, wanting to collect some of his belongings and then I have to go through the house packing up everything of his. Dread that.

    I bought his car and we agreed he’d register it in my name but surprise, surprise, he ended up registering it in his, so I need that signed over. We’ve argued a lot about that before; he claims the car was a gift. But he has never worked whilst with me, so I’ve always paid for the tax, insurance, upkeep, etc. He can’t possibly afford to run it himself, but may try to keep it just to spite me. I can’t decide whether to fight that or just give it up to avoid that. Small price to pay in some ways, but his drinking has got me into debt and I çould do with the money.

  • #70290
     Landy 
    Participant

    Best night’s sleep in years last night though.

  • #70293
     Landy 
    Participant

    Think my heart is actually breaking.

  • #70296
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi Landy with regards to the car, you have proof you’ve paid for the car and its upkeep,a lawyer would be best to advise on ownership, we’ve all seen the ‘Judge Judy’ cases on ‘it was a gift’ scenarios, My oh pays for my car, but i do everything else, tax insurances, fuel. Any other bigger upkeep he’s paid forth majority for, e.g. tyres. I’m not sure if I could afford the repayments AND the upkeep AND the demands of a house too. but since he is still paying for it, I’d not presume it was mine and I’m not that bothered about whether I’d get it or not tbh, it’s all about one upmanship isn’t it. 😔 Yes I have a beautiful car, but I’ve never become attached to them as my ex was forever buying and selling them, so learned early not to form any type of attachments.
    I’m glad you got a good night’s sleep, and so so sorry your heart hurts so much💜💜 take care my friend.

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70297
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    P.S. the car’s in my name too, so I suppose if I could afford the repayments it wouldn’t be too hard for me to keep it. As you say it’s a small price to pay but hang in there, it’s morally yours as you bought it and I’m quite sure legally too, but best to get advice. 💕💕

  • #70301
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi, I’ve been where you are. You will get through this. Its a real rollercoaster ride. Your mind is used to making him a priority and it will take a while to break that habit. The first couple of weeks were euphoric for me but then the PTSD kicked in so please keep a close eye on your mental health. It’s really good that you have bail conditions. No doubt he may try to break them, mine used a third party. Please report every incident if it should occur. He needs to know you’re serious. Please get rid of all his stuff ASAP. My ex used leaving his belongings as an excuse to continue his abuse. He part owned the home. Sending people round on (detail removed by moderator) different occasions until eventually I went against solicitor advice and got a friend dump the lot at his new gf house. Get good legal advice on the car. It might be worth the cost of a solicitor to get it back although I think he will sell it ASAP. My ex cashed in anything he could ASAP. Just take baby steps and lean on victim support too x

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