When will it end?

[Zuzanna]

Hi, new to the forum but I’m bit helpless. Thought to seek some help from fellow survivors

I left my husband in (detail removed by moderator). I was a victim of a psychological abuse. Story is so long, the final straw was the argument when I was called the worst after asking for delaying trying for another baby. After 3 unsuccessful previous pregnances (ectopic pregnancy just 3 months prior). I just hit emotional wall and decided I’m not having it anymore. Then I was homeless for two weeks, somehow managing to find a house to rent with my sister and our kids. I thought things will start picking up. I was so wrong. Ex took the family car away from me, refuses to pay any maintenance (that’s now dealt with) and now… Saying he’ll run to (detail removed by moderator) if I don’t accept his financial settlement offer. We have one miracle son, after (detail removed by moderator) years of trying. I thought he at least cares for him. Now I realize it was all a lie. I’m normally a strong person, I had a tough childhood etc. But I’m just scared this will never end. Even if he leaves the country he’ll still find the way to haunt me! What can I do to finally get rid of his threats, blackmail and sabotage. Is it just a matter of time?

Also, I feel like I’d want to talk about it with someone but hitting the wall whenever I reach out. Called wa but was made feel like it’s not urgent or important enough to deal via helpline. NHS talk therapies adviced to seek bereavement support ideally. Where’s the best place to find some support with emotional abuse.
Uh, sorry if I don’t make much sense, so much is going on, hard to put it in few paragraphs.

[KIP.]

Hi, the way forward is absolutely zero contact. Let a solicitor deal with him. Let a solicitor deal with his threats and his blackmail. He won’t be able to bully them. Can you afford private counselling. You can seek out one that’s got experience of abuse.

[lover of no contact]

Welcome Zuzanna to the Forum,

Well done for not giving up in getting support for yourself. And well done for getting away from your abuser’s day to day abuse of you. KIP is right ; a strict and robust No Contact regime is the only way to go with abuser as yes you are right his abuse of you will continue even if ur not living in the same house. He will use every means possible to bring you down, weaken you, turn ur child against you etc. This he achieves by contact with you. Block him on all levels so his words can’t get to you. Use third parties eg solicitors; friends etc. Let them have the contact with him; read his emails to do with ur situation and relay the information to you to do with your child and any shared assets.

I would log into this Forum daily and post as much as you need. This Forum has really helped me and continues to help me. You will process what you’ve been through; and pick up tips on how to not engage with abusers. Also Al-Anon groups provide free group therapy; the only requirement for membership is a problem drinker past or present either work colleague, partner, friend or family member. It’s a safe place to get support for our problems.

Well done for getting away despite having no place to stay. You’ve done the right thing for you and your child. Things will fall into place for you.

[lover of no contact]

Meant to say when solicitor/family/friend relay the information relating to ur child and shared assets by your ex to you; make sure it is in family friend/solicitors own words not his. You just want the facts not his put downs or pretend charms to rope you back in. From now on don’t let any of his words get into your head. You’ll recover your strength that way.

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